New relationship hpv

[Bythecooker]

Hello, I have met a new man, very early days but seems nice. However, earlier this year I had an abnormal smear with hpv and abnormal cells. I want to tell him this before we become sexually active. Has anyone told a new boyfriend this and how please?

Bumping because I sent in the middle of the night!

What happened with your abnormal cells? I had mine burnt off (lletz procedure) and next smear came back with no HPV present. HPV can also clear on its own. I don’t think it’s something you would necessarily disclose.

You don't need to disclose this

Nothing happened with the cells as low grade so I just have to go back in a year for a repeat smear. But it seems fairer to mention it but not sure how.

Stats show that something like 80% of women over 40 have hpv so it's very common.

Are you not planning on using condoms with this new partner?

Yes of course I am but thought I should mention it anyway. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

@Bythecooker
I had the abnormal cells sin1 for bot 3 years so they burned them away. Went back and had hpv present but sent back to my gp for a 3 year smear.

It's not something that he can catch so you don't really need to disclose it tbh.

I think you are overthinking this. I have HPV too and only mentioned it to my DP when I had to have an extra smear test.

And to the PP, it’s not your run of the mill STI. It can be spread skin on skin so condoms won’t prevent transmission. 80% of women will have it at some point in their lives.

Is that the strain that can cause cancer rather than the STD strain? If so, you wouldn't need to tell him.

Yes not something you need to disclose to a new partner, it doesn't affect men. Although he can get it from you, he'll never know and he may well have already had it and developed immunity. Won't harm him in the slightest, but a lot of men have no idea about these things, so his mind may stick on STI and go no further. Should aim to use condoms at least till your next smear - also some research shows that condom use is more likely to result in recovery.

[quote Babyghirl]@Bythecooker
I had the abnormal cells sin1 for bot 3 years so they burned them away. Went back and had hpv present but sent back to my gp for a 3 year smear.

It's not something that he can catch so you don't really need to disclose it tbh.[/quote]
It's an STI, so of course it's something he can catch, that's how it's spread. Yes it's a very trivial STI, but it would probably still be fairest to tell him before sleeping together. It's know to cause throat cancer too, so it can affect men.

Whilst I don't think to need to disclose there is a lot of misinformation on this thread. It can be caught by men and it can lead to cancer in men. Have a look at what Michael Douglas (Katherine zita jones) said caused his neck cancer.

@crumblebug

You don't need to disclose this

Err....yes she does if they're still active! Otherwise she's knowingly passing on an STD to someone else, especially if they're planning to do unprotected oral.

@jamesspadermademedoit

Stats show that something like 80% of women over 40 have hpv so it's very common.

@jamesspadermademedoit There is a difference to once having had HPV, or having one that is dormant (which is what you're referring to), and having HPV strains that are clearly active which means the transmission risk is very high.

@Opentooffers

Yes not something you need to disclose to a new partner, it doesn't affect men. Although he can get it from you, he'll never know and he may well have already had it and developed immunity. Won't harm him in the slightest, but a lot of men have no idea about these things, so his mind may stick on STI and go no further. Should aim to use condoms at least till your next smear - also some research shows that condom use is more likely to result in recovery.

All STIs need to be disclosed, how can someone consent to sex if their partner isn’t being honest about their STI status. Cancer is fairly harmful to both men and women.

OP I would mention it. How do you think you would feel if the tables were turned and your new boyfriend didn't tell you something like this, and give you an STD that you now had to treat?

The good news is that most people's bodies are able to overcome this virus, in the same way your body is able to overcome chicken pox or the average cold sore. Once it does, unless you have very serious problems with your immune system, the likelyhood of you spreading it are extremely low. I think your body can take months to a year to do this, and after that you will be recalled for smears more often just to keep an eye on things.

I had this and been with my DH 19 years. In my next smear it had gone.

She doesn’t have to disclose anything. It’s extremely common.

It’s completely a personal choice.

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno

I had this and been with my DH 19 years. In my next smear it had gone.

You had abnormal cells or you got HPV?? As far as I'm aware, any woman can develop abnormal cells, but HPV is a sexually transmitted disease and doesn't just appear on its own.

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno

@Womaninthistown

She doesn’t have to disclose anything. It’s extremely common.

It’s completely a personal choice.

@Womaninthistown It's extremely common, but to not tell a partner that you have an active HPV is unethical. Women are put in this difficult situation more often because we have tests to detect active HPV, whether we have symptoms or not.

I was in almost this exact situation a few months ago. Except my HPV was the genial warts one. I had my first and only flare up about a year and a half ago. A few months ago I met someone new. I know I didn't legally have to disclose this to him, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. Condoms wouldn't prevent it passing to him, and even though there was a chance my immune system would have dealt with the HPV, there was obviously no way to know.

I decided not to tell him face to face, but to write it in a message. I felt like if it was me on the receiving end, I'd like time to process it and research it. I also thought this was probably the time when I would probably tell me what kind of guy he was!

Happily, he was great about it and it showed me that I'd actually exercised some good judgment when choosing someone to date...for a change!

I hope it all goes well OP, whatever you decide to do.

You only have abnormal cells if you have hpv. Any woman can get both, the tone of some of the replies are exactly what causes the shame and anxiety. Thank you to those who were kinder and more empathetic. To those that inferred I was in the wrong for not mentioning it, perhaps read my op which clearly said I wanted to and wondered if anyone else had and how.

I mentioned it to two previous partners and my current partner, although I had to with the first as I had warts as well as cervical changes during the relationship. He was understanding as it could have passed from him to me.

There was about 18 months then until my next relationship, by then I had cleared HPV, the warts had gone and my smear was clear. I talked about it with him so he had full knowledge for an informed decision to have sex with me. And same with my current partner.

It's important to remember that it's a common, almost universal virus, he must know other women that have had abnormal smears. Warts felt awful when I had them, but it was a relatively small part of my life and thankfully seems like a distant memory now.