I went NC with my Mum last year. It has been hard but there have been many issues in the past (when I was growing up she was a heavy drinker which left me vulnerable - suffered sexual abuse from 'babysitter' age 4-9 etc) which made the relationship difficult. When I reached my teens my father had a stroke so since then I have looked after him when not in work. I moved across the country to do this so didn't see her very often but we remained polite as she was friendly with my father (who didnt know what had happened after they had divorced) .
Last year was horrific - in March my father caught Covid whilst in hospital waiting for a procedure. Initially I wasn't allowed to see him and the Trust were taking me to court for refusing to allow him to go into a care home to die (I wanted him to come home and he was still positive). Unfortunately my father died before the Court could consider the case. Whist this was happening my work got in touch and said that I needed to return to work (I was off sick - second time in over twenty years) and if I didn't they would no longer have a post for me. For the first time ever I begged my Mum for help (she became a christian and stopped drinking over twenty years ago) - all my savings went on the legal action so I was broke, distraught (felt suicidal) and very scared. I had no local support/ no one to bubble with as all my family and friends were across the country (I don't have siblings or a partner). Anyway she refused saying that 'a good parent wouldn't help' - that I need to stand on my own two feet (which I feel I have done all my life and especially since a teenager). Anyway that was it - we haven't spoken or seen each other since his funeral last summer ( I asked my fathers brother to inform her of his death). Although she knew I was CEV to the virus and my father was dying she didn't send texts or anything throughout the lockdown. My GP had died the year previously and left a substantial sum of money (over 7 figures to be split) - my Mum was executor to the will and despite knowing I was broke has kept/is 'minding' my share. I have been depressed and have just left it. I think at some point in the future she probably may send it to me but to be honest it feel like the least of my worries.
Anyway today the intercom rang and it was her ( her boyfriend is originally from where I live and I presume she must have come down for the weekend as they have done pre-lockdown). She said she wanted to say she was sorry and that she loved me. I said (politely) that her actions over many years had shown what she really felt and asked her to leave me alone. She left. I think that I have done the right thing - but am unsure? I haven't been able to stop crying since. Ridiculous really. I did phone the Samaritans to talk but no one answered. I hope you don't mind but would be grateful for your thoughts/have I done the right thing? I would so love to have some support at the moment, it has been the hardest time in my life, but I don't think she's the right person? I feel utterly broken at the moment. Thank you.