Divorcing an idiot

[WTFis2020]

Hi everyone,
I’m about to initiate divorce proceedings against my husband. I have suggested the amicable route, mediation or via a solicitor.

He doesn’t want to use a solicitor but also doesn’t want to communicate/be amicable! I’ve suggested he takes our rental property (which would give him maybe £15k equity) and I would keep the marital home (there is about £30k equity, so it would be easier for him to take the rental and he’d be no worse off)

He wants more!

I have two children, a decent job - but he is the highest earner (around £7k a month via his ‘limited company’)

Can anyone offer any advice? I appreciate my next step is a solicitor but would like some thoughts from people who have been in the same situation.

Thanks

So I should in effect give him the rental property plus £7.5k??
Please bear in mind he earns £7k a month whilst I’m at home looking after his children. This month he has decided to work overtime. Seeing the boys for 24hrs in a period of a month, earning in excess of £10k whilst I’m here doing the lions share.
I am not greedy at all, hence trying to resolve this quickly between us and trying to keep my family home.
I met him when he had nothing and in quite happy to leave without anything, but my boys home? I’ll fight tooth and nail for it

There are going to be far more marital assets knocking about than the equity in the 2 houses.

The reason why he is a high earner and can work where and when he wants it's because you have had the responsibility for child rearing etc This is exactly why it is likely to be more like a 60:40 split in the op favour of ALL assets.

Seriously how much his is pension worth versus yours?

This is not pleasant OP but recommend as follows:

Note account numbers of all his pensions, savings, investments, bank accounts.

Remind him how generous your offer is (courts would seek at least 50/50 division of everything taking account if both of your pensions and all savings and investments whether in single or joint names, and might go as far as 65/70:35/30 in your favour if chid care not shared 50/50)

If he still won’t see sense get a solicitor on a fixed fee basis and seek an injunction over savings and investments in his own name.

@WTFis2020

2/3rds split as: I have the children 24/7 whilst he works away earning 4 times as much as me It is our family home He has savings/investments/pensions which I wouldn’t touch and would just like to get out of this mess and move on.

Why not? He could have squirreled away hundreds of thousands of pounds in those.

See a solicitor - he only wants to avoid one because he knows the fair and legal division of assets would mean you would likely be in a position to gain far more than your home. And refusing to engage means that he has more time in which to hide more money.

If he's paying himself minimum wage you're not going to get much in the way of maintenance.

I'd kindly remind him that the holiday home and sports cars are both marital assets and if he doesn't accept your offer you'll go to a solicitor and ensure they're included in the asset split

Solicitor definitely, you need someone to look out for your and your children's interests. If your income is way lower you could ask for 60/40, you could ask for spousal too...if he gets wind of what you are actually entitled to, you could then maybe come in with a lower offer of 50/50 on agreement that things are kept amicable and he may take it? It worked for me in exact same circumstances. I decided that keeping things civil was more important than taking as much dosh as possible. However, importantly, I made absolutely sure I was left comfortable!

@WTFis2020

So I should in effect give him the rental property plus £7.5k?? Please bear in mind he earns £7k a month whilst I’m at home looking after his children. This month he has decided to work overtime. Seeing the boys for 24hrs in a period of a month, earning in excess of £10k whilst I’m here doing the lions share. I am not greedy at all, hence trying to resolve this quickly between us and trying to keep my family home. I met him when he had nothing and in quite happy to leave without anything, but my boys home? I’ll fight tooth and nail for it

Op please listen to all the posters. Engaging a solicitor is not a sign of being greedy. It’s just being sensible.

Ignore the people who think you should take your years of bringing up children while he works all the time and hand him the family home for it because the only assets obviously visible to you are worth 45k. There will be other assets and pensions and yes you should be compensated for your ongoing parental role while he still works all hours, or whatever he does with his time. The system is set up to recognise this so speak to a good lawyer.

@WTFis2020

So I should in effect give him the rental property plus £7.5k?? Please bear in mind he earns £7k a month whilst I’m at home looking after his children. This month he has decided to work overtime. Seeing the boys for 24hrs in a period of a month, earning in excess of £10k whilst I’m here doing the lions share. I am not greedy at all, hence trying to resolve this quickly between us and trying to keep my family home. I met him when he had nothing and in quite happy to leave without anything, but my boys home? I’ll fight tooth and nail for it

No no no no no no no.

Don't give him anything. See a solicitor now. It doesn't need to be nasty - though unfortunately it might get that way when it's highly likely that a full disclosure shows he has a high pension. You also mention an overseas property and sports car? All these things should be split.

This is how women get left in poverty.

Hi OP

I've just come out of a 3 year long divorce battle with an asset base very similar to yours

I presume things have been difficult for a while and this isn't a bolt out of the blue, I say this because you may not know what he's doing in the background

I would strongly recommend you seeing a solicitor, you don't need to see a solicitor in your local area, spend the time and travel if needed

1. Don't be frightened to say no to a solicitor, they are working for you
2. Don't use the 1st solicitor you meet
3. Friends could be a recommendation source, if they have gone through similar
4. Specifically ask the solicitor if they have dealt with a divorce with a LTD business the same as your husbands
5. If the answer to 4 is no, think very carefully about using them
6. Collate as much financial info as possible

Try not to feel panicked or stressed, I know that is easier said than done, try and find time to do the things YOU like

I offered my wife a settlement cool and calmly over the kitchen table, she rejected it as a joke and went legal, she ended up £300K worse off plus legals on top

But I was dealing with a person who was never wrong and never said sorry

You will come out of this a better and stronger woman, you have a bright future ahead, you've just got to get over this hurdle