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Is it odd for her not the be able to talk on the phone?

62 replies

nettyinthekitchen · 25/09/2021 21:09

So if a man is dating a woman for say two months and he wants to chat on the phone instead of text, is it odd if she says she can't or won't ?
She says she doesn't like talking in the phone.

OP posts:
Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 10:10

And any bloke who was trying to push me into telling my kids and/or phone calls would be getting the bounce.

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2021 10:18

[quote Suitcaseseverywhere]@Bluntness100 it is SENSIBLE and being a good parent not to have your kids know every flash in the pan bloke you might be dating.

Wise up.[/quote]
How does her talking on the phone to a man she’s been texting for months equate to her children getting to know him?

Do tell?

Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 10:20

Two months.

I don’t tell my kids I’m dating someone until I’m sure it’s going somewhere.

Two months isn’t long enough to know that. (I only dated once a fortnight. That was only 4 or 5 dates in.)

I’ll ask again, since you haven’t answered me. Are you a single parent with teens who has ever tried to date?

Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 10:21

And I didn’t say get to know him.

I don’t even tell my kids about a bloke for at least 3/4 months. They don’t even know he exists.

It’s not about them “getting to know him”. It’s about them even knowing he exists.

CallMeNutribullet · 26/09/2021 10:22

Op I don't particularly enjoy talking on the phone. Why would you want to force her into something she hates doing?

Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 10:23

I’m currently dating a bloke. We have been dating since the end of June.

My kids only found out he exists this week because they wanted to come up for dinner today and me and him are going out.

That’s responsible and sensible.

VeganVeal · 26/09/2021 10:27

Married/relationship

Hills this way >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

BruceAndNosh · 26/09/2021 10:27

Her teens must be out of earshot sometimes. Like.school.

Could she have hearing problems that mean face to face talking is OK but phone is harder?

pinkyredrose · 26/09/2021 10:29

I don't think it's odd. Why do you think she might be married?

Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 10:31

@BruceAndNosh

Her teens must be out of earshot sometimes. Like.school.

Could she have hearing problems that mean face to face talking is OK but phone is harder?

Me and my boyfriend work day times and he can’t take calls during working hours. We could only chat in the evening and that was and is really difficult with teens around.
Buggritbuggrit · 26/09/2021 12:31

I don’t speak on the phone, pretty much ever. I don’t know anyone who does. I’m not even remotely introverted, not hiding anything, just find it tremendously dull and strange. I’ve always found that the people who want to have a chat on the phone tend to be a bit older.

I’m sure there’ll be people along shortly to inform me that they are 16 and LOVE talking on the phone, but statistically, if you’re a millennial or younger, it’s probably not your favourite way to communicate: www.forbes.com/sites/briannawiest/2019/11/04/millennials-hate-phone-calls-they-have-a-point/?sh=5c33acad517e

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/09/2021 13:28

Lots of reasons that could make it not 'odd';

Tinnitus/hearing loss. Not enough to declare at the outset 'Oh, I've got Tinnitus', but enough that calls are very difficult unless both parties are in a totally silent location, the connection is strong, they aren't muffling the microphone with their face, my phone is in exactly the right place that I don't hang up with my cheek whilst trying to hear what's being said, there's a last quarter gibbous moon with the wind coming from a southwesterly direction and the birds aren't coming into roost in the tree outside the window and the other person isn't using handsfree or a shitty phone with dodgy reception. Sometimes hearing issues can creep up on you so you don't realise that you're relying upon a mixture of facial expression and lipreading to support your listening - you just know that phone calls are uncomfortable compared to texts.

Earwigging kids. My old flat was small enough that you could hear everything that went on from all parts. Whilst it could be vaguely amusing that you could hear the bloke downstair's bum squeak as he moved in the bath, it was less amusing when the kids reported to their father that 'Mummy's got a friend' and his usual reaction was less than pleasant. And if they weren't actively listening, the normal levels of noise they made in just existing made it impossible to hear the caller.

Being busy/not wanting to have to talk/finding it intrusive. I'm peopled out at the end of the day and I'm busy during work even ignoring the work rules about mobile usage during the day. Previous boyfriends haven't cared about either and would call repeatedly, demanding my attention then and/or at a set time later that day. I'd answer if it were something important, but once I realised that for some, their 'important' was 'I want attention from you, I'm bored, I know you have your twenty minute break coming up soon when you might speak to a male colleague and not think about me and I'm probably going to demand something else of you as well like sending nudes, the twats ', I readjusted my attitude into 'if it's that important, they'll text me and I can choose whether I am going to answer'. And then you'd be aware that your phone was buzzing with texts and causing you further stress. The lack of respect for boundaries some people showed regarding mobile phones was quite handy in deciding not to continue with seeing them.

Depending upon her age, she might find mobiles a necessary evil rather than this wonderous thing that allows you to be instantly contactable at all times of day, night and in all locations or something that just is. I do miss the times where if I wanted time alone, I could just go out - these days, you don't have that level of privacy/absence of interruption anywhere other than a few remote locations or in a swimming pool where your phone is locked away.

DP always answers the phone to me because he knows if I'm calling him, it's very important and urgent. The rest of the time, text messages for things that are less urgent but can't wait until I get home.

And yeah, she could be married. But if not, for whatever reason, her boundary is that she doesn't like calls but wants texts or talking in person. If you aren't happy with that boundary, you should find somebody else who doesn't have that.

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