Hey mumsnetters.
Long story short, I think I hate my husband, haha.
Been married for 5 years, two lovely kids but I am just finding him more and more unbearable as time goes on.
We have been friends for a long time before we got together so I think I kind of romanticised our relationship in my head and presumed it would be a lot better than it actually is.
Major events in our relationship that make me really resent him
- he squared up to me while he was drunk and I was pregnant at the time
- has subsequently gotten this sort of drunk another three times where he has screamed and hurled verbal abuse at me and stormed out the house
- on all these occasions I swithered on calling the police but ended up calling his mum instead
- he doesn't back me up when his family members insult me/my parenting/absolutely anything I'm doing
- I had to have a termination at one point which he provided absolutely zero support with
- he insisted we pay for household things 50/50 from the start of the relationship despite him earning twice what I did. Now that I earn more he has agreed to split it based on earnings
- with our first kid I paid for nursery by myself because I 'wanted it', even though it was just so I could sleep after nightshift
- I gave up my career to do agency work to earn more money to keep him happy
- I've run up credit card debt because he put me in such a shitty financial situation for so long and I'm too scared to tell him cause I know he'll go nuts
- he gets shitty if I haven't 'earned enough' for the month
- he has horribly sexist views at times and doesn't believe in the gender pay gap. Stated I should have gotten a better job if I wanted better pay (I am degree educated)
- when everything was going on with George Floyd in the US he was an 'all lives matter' dickheid. These views particularly turn my stomach
Now lots of stupid things bother me, like him eating all the snacks I buy for the kids on the weekly shop. Him not cleaning much because he berates me for not cleaning the house top to bottom after nightshifts.
I guess I'm just not happy and haven't really been for years. I'm scared to leave. I have no idea why, I earn well. I'm just really scared to let my kids down and upset them. I love them so much. I know he would want 50/50 custody which is fine because he is good with the kids and a good dad.
I'm really scared to do it alone or to even approach this with him
No questions really, just any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you x