I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old with my partner. Towards the end of my pregnancy with baby 2, my partner and I split for several months and lived apart. It was extremely difficult and isolating raising two children on my own, meanwhile my partners (ex at the time) life didn’t change much.
One of the reasons for the split was due to an inappropriate relationship he had with a female accountant who sometimes referred work for him. My partner and her team would go out for drinks, lunches etc. I didn’t like the flirtatious behaviour between them, such as pictures of him wearing her lipstick, the way they spoke on the phone. It was a contributing factor to the split. A few months ago we decided that we still loved each other, and wanted to give the relationship another go. It was around this time that she started dating one of his friends and he was acting weirdly jealous about it. When she found out that we were seeing each other again, she started phoning him up, declaring her undying love and that they would make a great couple. I just found this out yesterday and I have been having anxiety attacks on and off since I found out. My partner said it was a complete surprise and that he told her he loved me. He said he didn’t see or sleep with anyone during our split. I’m anxious that I’m not getting the full picture and it’s wrecking my head. I asked him not to do work with her anymore and he started saying ‘ok fine, but it’s going to cost this family a lot of money’ etc. So he’s disgruntled about my request but I fail to see why this work relationship is worth jeopardising our family and relationship for when he has other contacts who refer work to him.
My anxious head works in a way where I have to keep searching for information to fill in the blanks. I feel like I’m not getting the full picture. I asked him to call her in front of me to get full disclosure and he said for me to wait until Monday to calm down, but I think he’s just putting me off contacting her. I was able to find her number (no judgments please) but I haven’t brought myself to contact her because I don’t want to sabotage my relationship. I’m afraid that if I do uncover more, it will lead to increased anxiety and that if I’m unable to move past it, I risk the peace of mind I need to continue the relationship. If this happens, and he becomes available again, I risk this woman taking him for herself. She herself is a single mother to two children so I am disgusted that she would attempt to break our young family up for her own gain. I thought she would have more sympathy. She even accepted an invitation to come and stay for the weekend last year but I said no to my partner because I didn’t want to entertain people when I’m tired and pregnant. I feel sickened that she was going to spend the weekend with my family. Like she was sizing my family up to make a move.
I don’t know how to proceed. I realise a lot people will argue that if something had happened, my partner was single, but it’s difficult to move on from especially if he’s reluctant to end the work relationship. My stomach is in knots and I’ve been having bad anxiety attacks. A part of me wants to find out but I’m afraid of what I will find. Do I attempt to or do I find a way to forget about this?