Tell me what to do to get through this?

[Restlessinthenorth]

Things have not been good in my relationship for some time. Ex DP was, in some respects, so hard to live with. Worked hard but EXTREMELY lazy in the house, financially contributed very little yet spent lots on himself, Disney dad to his daughter who was here every other weekend, and frankly is very spoiled and can do as she likes (and I could go on and on with the list). I had recently put my foot down and explained that things had to change. He just walked out on Friday and now it's done.

I thought I would feel relieved; for months I had been fantasising about being single. But now it's happened, I feel heartbroken and it's totally blindsided me. Everything I look at it is a reminder of him and I feel so bloody lonely.

I know that time is the healer here, but how do I get through these coming weeks? I am dreading this weekend. The house feels so still. It's laughable really; all I did with him at weekends was wash his sports kit, do the shopping and mind his daughter so he could play yet more sports, so why do I care so much? I don't feel like seeing friends and certainly can't be bothered talking about it all with people.

All and any advice gratefully received

@Restlessinthenorth

His pathetic attempts have really pissed me off! The tears have now well and truly gone. Feel so much stronger today. He has everything to lose. I do not

Well done! You've found your anger, and that will help you stay strong.

What can you plan for Sunday that will help you remain strong? Packing up all his crap into one area and giving him 24hrs notice to pick it up sounds good to me...

Of course he's having a change of heart

You told him enough was enough so he punished you by leaving, fully expecting you to 'come back to heel' so you'd continue to be his maid, cook, cleaner, financial provider and nanny without complaining and making him pull his weight

You are absolutely right when you say HE has everything to lose, YOU have nothing to lose but everything to gain

Morning, stay strong lovely, you know your feelings of grief will pass quickly. He'll be panicking right now as his cosy life is under threat and he'll be realising he has to look after his daughter and himself so expect him to turn on the charm full throttle. You know it's not real, stay busy (with what you have going on that shouldn't be difficult!) Xx

Thank you all. I honestly feel like a different person to the wreck I was on Saturday. The more I think about it, I now see the only reason he only took his clothes and nothing else, was because he probably always thought he was going to return. The man has loved a bloody charmed life via me; how dare he try and play with me like this!?

I am really glad you found your anger and see through him now. He is an absolute asshole!. Tell him to come get his shit ASAP!

DO NOT TAKE THIS COCKLODGER BACK!

I never shout but please - you owe yourself so much more. There was nothing good that you said about him and it was OBVIOUS he was going to be back - you're basically a domestic appliance.

Come on OP. Chin up and do the personal work needed to figure out why you accepted this. It's easily done that we accept way less than we deserve x

Tell him all his stuff will be out in the garden on Wednesday this week if not collected before - dont store his shit any longer than a courteous 72 hours!

There is no way on gods green earth this man is coming back through my door! Wtf have I been playing at?!

🥳

You have seen the light!

Most definitely don't take him back!

If he comes begging tell him you would only reconsider if he gave you half of his salary to cover rent, bills and babysitting for his daughter.

I'd eat my hat if he accepted that because he's taken full advantage of you and intends to continue to do it for the foreseeable.

I agree giving him a deadline to get his shit and definitely don't allow him back into the house to collect it - he can wait outside like as he isn't welcome anymore!

I've given him till Friday to collect his crap, but I've had a wobbly afternoon and a lot of tears again. All I can think about is the nice stuff we've done (paid for by me), and how quiet the house is. It feels like a horrible waste of such a big chunk of my life

And yes @SleevedOff his stuff will be all piled up on the drive. No way is he coming in here

Good on you OP. Even though you're acknowledging your sadness you can see it's futile & how much you have facilitated the relationship. Keep strong. He'll want you back as a result if that but this is not a game. Find someone you deserve. X

Don’t you dare let him back! He’s changed his mind because omg, there’s nobody to make life easy, cook, wash and look after HIS daughter for him while he drops all responsibilities to go and play golf/football/cricket YET AGAIN! You’ve been paying for him all this time? No bloody wonder he wants back in! He’s the ultimate cockloadger and wants his maid back cooking, cleaning and doing his childcare for him. Be strong, OP, you deserve so much more than this.

@Cherrysoup yes...I actually look back and wonder how I have allowed this to happen! Not a single penny has come from him to support our home life in any respect for over 2 years. I am honestly not a door mar, yet somehow I appear to have become one!