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Original poster

Takes the happiness out of everything

35 replies

Flashblip · 23/09/2021 19:03

Just a vent

My H just had to take the shine out of my happiness!!!

I turn 40 next week!!

My friends have planned a surprise weekend away, leaving tomorrow morning I have no idea where or what's happening I just feel so happy that they've thought about me and trying to make this a good birthday,

Work today have done balloons and banners gifts etc and I've come home on a little bit of a high as I've only worked there 4 months so it's nice to be appreciated there.

Come home to him in a stroppy f**king mood , looking at me while am talking as am an inconvenience, apparently he's had a bad day so I get to walk to eggs shells while trying to get ready,

He's not planned anything for my birthday, can't afford it is was I was told, but can afford the 3 night drinking holiday he's just returned from and the 3 nights he's away the weekend after this one,

Yet this birthday he can't afford we've been together 20 years married for 11 and has planned f**k all and he's the one in a stroop taking away my happiness

I can't wait to get away, and leave him to his Mardy behaviour

Am so fed up of being made to feel like it's my fault

Am now sat trying to pack and get ready and he's just spoilt it so much,

OP posts:
EsioTrot · 23/09/2021 19:05

Why not make 40 your best year yet and leave the miserable sod?

Wishing you the loveliest of birthdays and the best of times from here on in.

AperolWhore · 23/09/2021 19:06

Wow he sounds like a dream to be around! Is he always like this? Does he ever put your first?

AmandaHoldensLips · 23/09/2021 19:06

What a complete arsehole. He's made it quite clear what he thinks of you, which is nothing basically. His "bad mood" is an attempted smoke-screen to hide the fact that he couldn't even be arsed to do something nice for your birthday.

Have a great time with your friends! (And maybe start divorce proceedings when you get back.)

Mojoj · 23/09/2021 19:07

Give yourself the best birthday present ever and ditch the joysucker. Happy 40th!!

junebirthdaygirl · 23/09/2021 19:17

You obviously are a very nice person when colleagues of 4 months mark your birthday and you have great friends who want to make an extra big fuss for you. That is who YOU are.
Now he is a miserable crank who sounds too fond of drink. And no ..even small..celebration..what a misery guts.
You can do better!!
For the moment enjoy your fab weekend but after that assess your life. 40 is young.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/09/2021 19:18

Venting is all well and good but the underlying problem i,e him with his accompanying abusive attitude remains.

Do you want to spend the next 20 years with him, I would think not. I would not think you now want to spend the next 20 minutes with him.

How can you be helped into leaving this joy sucker of a man?.

RubyFowler · 23/09/2021 19:19

Clearly he's a dick OP.

mistermagpie · 23/09/2021 19:20

He sounds bloody awful. Can I ask why you are putting up with this because you don't actually have to...

DuchessOfDisaster · 23/09/2021 19:21

@EsioTrot

Why not make 40 your best year yet and leave the miserable sod?

Wishing you the loveliest of birthdays and the best of times from here on in.

YES! THIS!!!
Islamorada · 23/09/2021 19:43

Leave that grumpy man. You are always a happy soul. 40 you are still very young to start over.

Happy birthday 🥳

Original poster
Flashblip · 23/09/2021 20:42

Why do I stay for my DD to keep her family together, isn't that always the reason and I know it's a shit reason, believe me I don't lay down and take this sort of attitude from him I have told him where he's gone wrong and just how disappointed I am but also in how disappointed I am in for myself for thinking this year he'd come up with something, anything at all!!!

I don't even what expensive just thoughtful is enough but seems priorities list else where

Instead of packing I've just spent the last hour re explaining why I am so upset and having a little cry while he's constantly trying to defend himself and tell me he loves me, I've told him you forfeit thing for other to show them love, love is more than just saying a word

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 23/09/2021 20:42

All the best op

sloutside · 23/09/2021 20:57

What an utter knob.
Do not let him spoil your weekend.
When you walk out the door tomorrow to go away with your friends try not to think about the fucker once in the whole time you are away. It will be hard but you can do it - if he enters your head, banish him.
He wants to ruin it by being a complete wanker before you go. Do not let him win.
Have a wonderful time with your friends.

RandomMess · 23/09/2021 21:13

How old is your DD?

Do you want her to choose a partner that treats her the way he does you? That's what she's learning by you staying.

Thanks
Pinkbonbon · 23/09/2021 21:27

@RandomMess

How old is your DD?

Do you want her to choose a partner that treats her the way he does you? That's what she's learning by you staying.

Thanks

That.

If anything, your daughter is another reason to LEAVE. Orthe cycle will continue with her picking a partner who is a miserable bastard or abusive and her thinking she should stay and put up and shut up.

She is worth more than this and so are you.

Leave him and make it clear to her that you chose to do so because he did not treat you respectfully or with love and that no one should stay with someone like that as a partner.

layladomino · 24/09/2021 09:56

Happy 40th @Flashblip

It's brilliant that you have great friends, and I hope you have a great week end together. As a pp said, the fact your new workmates made a bit of fuss shows that you're a good person who people like.

Your H is a joy-sucking, tight fisted misery who doesn't think enough of you to mark your birthday - your're 40th birthday at all. In fact he's in a mood and actively trying to spoil it, it seems.

Please don't stick around 'for the children'. He doesn't deserve you sticking around. He is treating you dreadfully and showing you how important you are to him (he can spend money on lads week ends away but not a present or meal out for his wife??).

Your children will see this. They need to understand that isn't how relationships should work.

This week end could be a turning point for you. Please consider it. Otherwise you will be saying the same things on your 50th birthday. Only more resentful as you'll have list another 10 years to him.

layladomino · 24/09/2021 09:57

*lost not list

SleepingBunnies21 · 24/09/2021 10:41

I think it's very telling that your friends organised something for your 40th and that they knew (unless they asked him beforehand) that your husband wouldn't be organising anything.

Even if they did ask him, it says a lot that his answer was "no, no plans, not doing anything". Most/many partners would have planned something special for their spouse's significant birthday, or if they hadn't being asked might have given them a kick up the backside to feel like a shit partner and organise something. If asked he was clearly OK with saying no, and letting your friends organise something for you, instead of him.

He sounds absorbed in his own social life/time outs, and selfish.

No money for something for your 40tg but money for two trips/nights out for him. His priorities are obvious.

Abd now hes ruining your birthday with a "mood".

Sounds like a c u next Tuesday..

SleepingBunnies21 · 24/09/2021 10:43

Your friends sound lovely BTW.

SleepingBunnies21 · 24/09/2021 10:47

apparently he's had a bad day

Or is he passed offence has to look after your dd while you away on a jolly when that's your role, while hes away on his jollies.

SleepingBunnies21 · 24/09/2021 10:48
  • pissed off
Morningsaregreat · 24/09/2021 10:53

He appears to be unhappy that your'e happy. Is he somewhat narcissistic?

BluebellCockleshell123 · 24/09/2021 19:07

Aw happy birthday OP! You sound like you have a wonderful bunch of colleagues and friends.

Your OH on the other hand doesn’t sound like he adds many positive things to your life. He may now be proclaiming his love for you but look at his actions and not his words.

TheFoundations · 24/09/2021 20:07

I think you should extend your weekend away. A lot.

Have a lovely birthday and enjoy your friends who love you and want you to be happy Flowers

updownroundandround · 25/09/2021 10:10

@Flashblip

Don't let the miserable, selfish bastard suck your happiness away !

You have obviously got fantastic friends who think a lot of you and want to help you celebrate a milestone birthday properly ! So enjoy it !

Time enough to tackle the bloody fun sponge when you return.

Why don't you use the time he's away on his lads weekend to seriously examine what it is you think you're gaining for your DD in staying with this selfish, miserable bastard ?

If it's a 'stable home' then I'm afraid that your 'stable home' only equals a 'not divorced' home, not a 'stable' or 'normal' one, and that you are actually doing your DD a great disservice by living with a H who thinks so little of his W that he couldn't be arsed to even celebrate her bloody birthday and lying about it ! Couldn't afford to ? Your DD isn't an idiot fgs Hmm ! (and probably every single Xmas/promotion and celebration really !)

If you want your DD to think that that is how all men treat their wives, then carry on, but if you want her to have good, loving, balanced and respectful relationships, then show her* how it's done !