Dating a guy who is a mildly successful stand up comedian... AIBU to feel as though I'm providing him with material?

[WrapDressinBlack]

Am I being ridiculous?

3 dates in. He seems lovely, very charming, no obvious red flags, but I'm so wary of sharing anything in case it inadvertently end up on Youtube!

I'm a teacher, and I do come home and talk about my day- never anything confidential, but a funny thing a pupil said, a nice thing that happened, occasionally if something not so good happens and I need to debrief.

At what point do you have a 'please warn me if you're using me for content' chat?

If he's Scottish and name begins with a C then run away!

That's funny. If you can't ask him now then id say that's no good.

Ooo, is a household name?

I dated a local breakfast DJ for a while and it really freaked me out when he mentioned me on the radio, even though he always referred to me as 'a friend' and it was never anything embarrassing.
I definitely couldn't handle being used for laughs in a comedy act. I'd have the chat soon!

Oh, that's interesting because they do always use that kind of material don't they? I wouldn't like it either, but surely it's an easy subject to raise?

Leave him for Mr Bean and he'll always have material

A friend of mine dated a comedian (now q well known). They were on and off- I think off but friendly at this point, She went to his gig (he invited her specially) and half of it was about her- and not at all flattering. Apparently he was just rampantly vile about her.

She left straight after the set- utterly mortified because the people she was with were mutual friends and knew it was about her- anyway drowned her sorrows and she got violently drunk, tripped over a kerb and knocked a tooth out.

All his fault.

I would Steer Clear personally, but then I did see my friend have to get a dental implant so...

Tell him he can’t use you or anything you say in his routine unless he asks forays or changes details to protect the innocent

I know of a guy who's write blogs about his dates and then sends the not flattering posts to the girls!

I hadn't a clue who he was but he does have a fair amount of views. Definitely not household name though.

I'm going to broach it. I didn't want to look ridiculous but it would definitely affect my communication with him.

I haven't thought about this for years but at university a friend of mine went out with an aspiring comedian. She went to see him at a local comedy night and half his act was about how he was single and open to any offers, with him singling out random pretty girls in the audience to hit on as part of the act. She dumped and he was outraged that she just didn't understand his 'art'!

Alot of what comedians say is either made up or over exaggerated. I've heard comedians say they have x kids cos it suits the story they're telling, then they only have 1 kid. Comedians who make up how they met their partner. And even comedians who continue to pretend to be single cos that's their act/character before they met their partner.

He will have an in-built 'Forbidden!' sign that stops him writing scenes in his head about your quirks. He won't go there. Because he needs something straight and untouchable in his life.

If he likes you. Argh.

This was a plot point in a Marian Keyes book, Sushi for Beginners.

I wouldn't like to be harvested for material tbh

How did this not make up the bulk of your first date chat? Comedian is a niche job, surely one of the first things you talk about is what kind of material he does.

He can say anything he wants without it being true. Being a stand up is essentially being a character, even when the comedian isn't overtly doing 'character comedy'.

For fun - here's the inimitable Stewart Lee deconstructing the idea:

I only found out on the second date, and he made it sound like he works in an office all week and does it every second Tuesday! I only realised when I got home and googled him.

You: Listen, I'm a bit uncomfortable about the idea that you might use me or my conversation as material for your stand up...
Him: No way babe, I'd never do that.
Him (on stage): So she says if I ever mention her in my act she'll cut my balls off (laughter)

I'm biased though because I think all comedians are incredibly dodgy characters.

Have you seen/heard his material? Not all comedians take inspiration from their daily lives and relationships. If he never has before then perhaps he won't in the future, if his past material involves his relationships then he almost certainly will do the same in the future.

I vaguely know someone who’s married to a massive household name and he always mentions her! I don’t think I’d like it 😂 It’s a friend of a friend situation, met like once at a party and not met him sadly as I’m a proper fan.

I would love that!! As long as it is funny though

Laughed like a drain @DukeOfEarlGrey. He's the best.

I’d have a talk about boundaries sooner rather than later. Trouble is though these performing types can find it really hard to resist using good source material and can’t always be trusted to be discrete. Case in point: David Sedaris…. nobody in his family is safe!

Love David Sedaris. Love listening to him and love that one of his hobbies is litter picking around his town.