Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is there any going back after someone says "I was never in love with you"?

39 replies

Chloeblue · 22/09/2021 17:07

If someone said they were never in love with you after 4 years together and you broke up, is there ever any way back from this?

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 22/09/2021 17:07

No sorry. Time to move on.

SummerintheCity2021 · 22/09/2021 17:08

Nope.

notlongtillxmas · 22/09/2021 17:09

That would depend ?
Was it said in the heat of the moment in anger ?
Was it said calmly as part of the break up discussion
Does it come with similar actions of a person who just doesn't care ?

I would probably not be able to continue if I heard that but it's up to the individual isn't it ?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 22/09/2021 17:12

Totally depends what you’re after.

If you want someone who loves you, no, of course not.

If that’s not important to you, maybe.

Original poster
Chloeblue · 22/09/2021 17:12

When I asked him he told me he didn't love me but had never been in love with anyone else either after many relationships

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 22/09/2021 17:13

No way.

They either didn't mean it, in which case they are too unstable & spiteful to deserve you.

Or they did mean it, in which case you are not on the same page, & this person has either got different expectations about what your relationship meant, or was stringing you along.

Either way, it's not a good look, so be glad you are shot of 'em.
Flowers

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 18:52

No, it's a rather spiteful thing to say.
Though tbf, the fact that they added that they'd never loved anyone...I would probably actually take as a cold ass person telling you exactly what they are. These sorts slip up and do that sometimes.

Either way I value myself so I'm not going to change myself or fight to make someone fall in love with me. I love me. And if they don't, then they are not the one for me. Besides, it sounds like this guy has issues. You can't turn an icy heart into a furnace. No one can.

MadMadMadamMim · 22/09/2021 18:56

No, but I suspect I'm missing the point. You've broken up.

Surely you're not thinking of getting back together?

Blanca87 · 22/09/2021 18:56

The real question is why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who emotionally deficient?

Mumoblue · 22/09/2021 18:57

No, and why the fuck would you want a way back?

You’re better off moving on.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2021 18:57

Why would you want to go back to a man who said this? That's what you should really be asking yourself.

OrangeTortoise · 22/09/2021 18:59

If he's not in love with you after four years, when does he think it'll happen?

girlmom21 · 22/09/2021 19:08

Why would you want there to be a way back?

You'll never trust them the next time they tell you they love you, and if they haven't fallen in love with you after 4 years together I can't imagine there's much chance of it ever happening.

seensome · 22/09/2021 19:20

I'd think it was a lie to hurt you but move on don't even think of giving him another chance.

Original poster
Chloeblue · 23/09/2021 05:55

I am trying my best to move on, but at times I can't really believe he said this to me and that he stayed with me so long. About six months before we broke up he said "I don't know how I feel", which, looking back, should have been a warning sign, also that he never told me he loved me. We've had no contact since. I think I've low self- esteem and now feel used and strung along and would find it hard to trust another man.

OP posts:
Lampan · 23/09/2021 06:24

Unfortunately a lot of men will stay in a relationship until they have another option. Don’t mistake inertia for loyalty.
I agree with PP who says either he is being spiteful or never did love you. Why would you want to involve yourself with someone like that again?

DFOD · 23/09/2021 07:41

It’s tough that you stayed in a relationship with someone for 4 years and they never said that they loved you. That must have been heartbreaking to never have your words reciprocated.

What were his actions like - did he show love actively - was he respectful and kind to you? Was he affectionate in other ways?

If he did maybe he is “just” emotionally inarticulate and there is scope for self development - if HE wants to do that.

I wonder if your own upbringing was also as emotionally lacking in kindness, respect, affection and communication that you believed this was acceptable?

Maybe it would be best now to work on the root of the issue which is your self esteem so that when it’s strong and high you don’t need to trust others because you can trust yourself to trust your gut feelings about situations and trust yourself to be assertive, have boundaries and values and also trust yourself that you will move on with purpose if someones behaviour isn’t good enough.

You deserve to live a much more balanced, equal and fulfilled life.

gannett · 23/09/2021 07:49

No.

When I was younger in a houseshare the couple next door used to have weekly rows. As in, literally weekly, every Saturday morning, and they'd always say the same things. As if they were rehearsing for a play, except they definitely weren't. Anyway, one of the things she'd scream every week without fail was "you never fucking loved me!"

As a house we collectively agreed that we would never, ever let ourselves get into a situation where yelling "you never fucking loved me" was a regular and ongoing part of our lives.

TheFoundations · 23/09/2021 08:13

@Chloeblue

I am trying my best to move on, but at times I can't really believe he said this to me and that he stayed with me so long. About six months before we broke up he said "I don't know how I feel", which, looking back, should have been a warning sign, also that he never told me he loved me. We've had no contact since. I think I've low self- esteem and now feel used and strung along and would find it hard to trust another man.
Work on the self esteem rather than the relationship. Don't worry about trusting another man. You have to learn to trust yourself enough that if another man hurt you, you would know you would be just fine.

Forget relationships. Life isn't all about relationships. Life is about you, and your state of mind. Get that sorted out first. Work out why you stayed in a relationship with somebody who never said he loved you.

bluebell34567 · 23/09/2021 08:24

@notlongtillxmas

That would depend ? Was it said in the heat of the moment in anger ? Was it said calmly as part of the break up discussion Does it come with similar actions of a person who just doesn't care ?

I would probably not be able to continue if I heard that but it's up to the individual isn't it ?

true, agree.
Original poster
Chloeblue · 23/09/2021 08:32

My gut was telling me I was just a convenience for him so I asked him how he felt about me, so it wasn't said in anger. I asked him did he ever love any of his previous girlfriends and he said "probably not".

OP posts:
Djifunrsn · 23/09/2021 08:46

Just get rid.
Either he’s telling the truth (which is not great) or he’s cheating and starting the script (even worse).
Either way get rid.

Windmillwhirl · 23/09/2021 08:55

I wouldn't be wondering if there is any going back for them. For me, ther absolutely would not be. In fact, if the other person lied about their feelings, I'd feel they robbed me of an honest relationship and would let them go and never look back.

notlongtillxmas · 23/09/2021 08:59

@Chloeblue

My gut was telling me I was just a convenience for him so I asked him how he felt about me, so it wasn't said in anger. I asked him did he ever love any of his previous girlfriends and he said "probably not".
So you have done yourself a massive favour ! It may not feel like it right now but at least you know you don't have to waste anymore time energy or thinking space with this man

Have a little "YOU" time
Don't even think about dating , have fun , catch up with friends , family , consider hobbies or experiences you'd not have considered before , be kind to yourself

It's a new chapter lovely 💐

OrangeTortoise · 23/09/2021 09:03

I don't like to armchair diagnose, but is it possible that he's a sociopath, OP?

Swipe left for the next trending thread