Is there any going back after someone says "I was never in love with you"?

[Chloeblue]

If someone said they were never in love with you after 4 years together and you broke up, is there ever any way back from this?

@OrangeTortoise

I don't like to armchair diagnose, but is it possible that he's a sociopath, OP?

What??!

We know nothing about him except that he's said he's not sure he's been in love.

You don't think it's unusual to not be in love with your partner (or any previous partner) after four years together?

Are you still talking to him at all?

It's nuts but men really can fake entire relationships. Your gut will tell you the truth.

@OrangeTortoise

You don't think it's unusual to not be in love with your partner (or any previous partner) after four years together?

Yes, but it's not enough to even hint at any diagnosis at all. There's a million things that could cause this.

Is this a trick question?

@RantyAunty No, we've had no contact for the 7 months at all.

I'm much better but still I suppose trying to process it in my head.

No I don't think so - most important thing being, you honestly don't want someone in your life who would say such a thing. Think about what you want in a companion, friend or life partner - does such a nasty streak figure in that? I'm guessing no.

second thing but still important, that sounds like a narcissistic discard and they may well backtrack only to do it again, so keep the first thing in mind - you don't want someone like that who will play games/toy with you/have so little respect for you as to say such a thing in the first place?

He’s shown you who he is. After 4 years, he cruelly and rather callously told you his feelings. Do not go back to this person ever. He does not value you and will not value you.

You can go to therapy to get closure. You can also work on your low self-confidence with your therapist so that you can truly believe that you are worth so much more than you think are.

@Lampan

Unfortunately a lot of men will stay in a relationship until they have another option. Don’t mistake inertia for loyalty. I agree with PP who says either he is being spiteful or never did love you. Why would you want to involve yourself with someone like that again?

Don’t mistake inertia for loyalty

Wise words from @Lampan

Also don't mistake inertia for love or contentment!

Thank you all for the wise advice. I was feeling a bit low when I posted this but these replies are really helping me to feel strong again and realise I'm worth a lot more. I've read over them all a couple of times!

And I have had two sessions with a counsellor, which has helped.

How much you think you are worth is the salient question here.

Would you advise a beloved friend to return to a relationship of 4 years when their partner had told them they never loved them?

This was me. I thought I would at the start until I got a grip, saw the light and thought why on earth would I want to be with a man who couldn't make it clearer that he didn't want to be with me. Still hurts though.