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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband and tiktok

83 replies

whymewhyme · 21/09/2021 13:41

He's been watching tiktok videos on youtube. Litteraly most of the thumb nails are of gorgouse young woman in underwear and bikinis. I know blokes look at this stuff and hes only 36 but i just find it off putting, these girls are only late teens very early 20s at the oldest. I saw his youtube feed and thought He's Litteraly twice their age.im probably just being daft but it bothered me like im litterly nothing like these tiktok woman and it makes me feel like shit and feel disappointed in him tbh. I don't know why im bothered really or why I've even posted. Is it me over reacting?

OP posts:

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 21/09/2021 17:30

What is an almost 40 year old man doing on tiktok anyway?

EarthSight · 21/09/2021 18:05

@Dizzylizzy40

I've had those big 4x4s go past where the man is really craning to see me in a very obvious way. So many of them have a woman their own age in the passenger seat, so presumably their girlfriends or wives then. I always think 'Jesus - she's right there. Reign it in ffs'

notacooldad · 21/09/2021 18:56

What is an almost 40 year old man doing on tiktok anyway?
Well this one is being creepy but how many times does it have to said that tik tok is more than silly dances!!
My 42 year old ( Male) friend sends me links to metal and rock bands he's come across.
Hes also sent me links to some long distance hikes as well as loads other stuff. Nothing inappropriate or childish there!
I wish people wouldn't comment on things they dont understand.

BrendaBubbles · 21/09/2021 18:58

It’s typical disgusting man behaviour I’m afraid. I don’t know why they don’t have any dignity or respect. I stopped watching certain tv shows (love island etc) because I thought it inappropriate to be looking at men of that age now I’m older, so perving over 20 year olds on YouTube is definitely not on for him.

ohdear10 · 21/09/2021 20:44

I'd be just as disappointed if they were in their 40s. They are early 20s I'd say. I didn't feel insecure before but i obviously do now lol

I know exactly how you feel and it's shit. Seems like everyone's latched onto the supposed young age of the (adult) women, which is a complete red herring.

Original poster

whymewhyme · 22/09/2021 08:06

I spoke to him lastnight he said he didn't think looking at 18 to early 20s was wrong as he likes woman my age too.......i was like...dude your nearly 37....creep. i asked him if he fancies 18yr olds and ofcourse he said no lol he said he would never hit on 18-20s. So basically he thinks its fine to be a creepy freak online but not in real life! More like he knows he wouldn't stand a chance. i went pretty deep and basically told him that's not my vibe and i feel replused by him. He was shocked tbh then i read a artical online about how tiktok and youtube don't confirm the age of these girls and he was pretty freaked out about that. I showed him some young celebrity woman and asked him how old he thought they were he basically got eveyone wrong he thought they were all older...dick. I just can't shake the ick now, its weird in the space of a day I feel completly different and I really don't want to feel like shit about myself because of him and I also don't want to walk around thinking hes looking at young woman. Thank you eveyone for confirming i was right to feel uncomfortable with it.

OP posts:

Crikeyalmighty · 22/09/2021 09:19

I hate the expression ‘the ick’ but I do get what it means and understand it and I think a lot of men simply don’t get that if they show any signs of sleaziness and their partners are aware of it and aren’t ok with it , be it Tik Tok videos or hard core porn then ‘some’ women will find they look at their partner in a new light and develop ‘the There isn’t a right or wrong as such, that’s just how it is. I’m sure a great many marriages end because of this and finding out about behaviour that to some people seems trivial. Someone I know ended a long marriage because her H was liking pictures of fake looking Instagram girls. She suddenly found it really disrespectful and didn’t feel the same.

twoandeights · 22/09/2021 09:32

Total ick. Gross. The fact you’ve had to have that conversation. It would really put me off to be honest.

InnPain · 22/09/2021 09:50

How would he react if you sat and watched back to back videos of young hot men, maybe then he will understand how rude he is and insensitive he is being.

If I see my OH watching hotties I simply make a comment to let him know it’s not on. I think it’s distasteful and I hate TikTok for this very reason, it’s video after video after video and if you’ve no self control it’s an issue.

SummerHouse · 22/09/2021 11:04

IckTok

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 11:20

Honestly op, everything else asside, he shouldn't be watching these videos infront of you. It's so disrespectful. The same wpuld go for watching porn infront of you if he knew you didn't agree with it.

I have celeb crushes and sometimes I watch mvs with them back to back on youtube. I wouldn't do that when my partner was over though. Because it's just disrespectful as fuck and it would maybe make him feel like I didn't thibk he was 'enough'. Not because that would be true but because seeing your partner constantly ogling some hotties is bound to hurt a person's self esteem.

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 11:22

And make no mistake op. He knows fine well how disrespectful he is being. He just doesn't want you to know he knows.

StrongSunglasses · 22/09/2021 12:08

Exactly- just hiding in plain sight to attempt to normalise it, perhaps even to himself. Either way, I’d struggle with this/also get the ick.

Hyperion100 · 22/09/2021 12:21

What I'm reading here is "Man looks at attractive women in bikini's"

What is in any way surprising about that?

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 12:24

@Hyperion100

What I'm reading here is "Man looks at attractive women in bikini's"

What is in any way surprising about that?

It's more 'man repeatedly ogles attractive women of questionable consent age, infront of his wife and tells her she is wrong to take issue with it'

And sorry, but if you think that shit is normal then you're surrounding yourself with the wrong sort of people.

Beefcurtains79 · 22/09/2021 12:31

Today 12:21 Hyperion100

What I'm reading here is "Man looks at attractive women in bikini's"

What is in any way surprising about that?

Well, you’ve missed out that there are half his age, and it’s sleazy as fuck, but I guess it depends on what standards you have and what you’re prepared to put up with.

arield · 22/09/2021 12:32

@Sampafie

I dont think this is a hill worth dying on OP. If you point out this is a line you dont want him crossing, where else will you pull that line? If he watches Love Island? Because those girls, by your own admission, look nothing like you. I think its a shame hes not making more of an effort to hidw the fact that he is turned on by young women who look so much different to you, but thats who he is.

Cool wife alert

ravenmum · 22/09/2021 12:41

I have Instagram and that also has Tiktok videos on it - many are weirdly fascinating and they are quite addictive. The dance videos are not all sexy by any means, and not all the videos are of dancing. There are some by older people, such as this lady www.instagram.com/reel/CTE_tCkodFq/ - but most are by young people so you are going to see lots by 20-yos. Must be annoying if he's spending loads of time on that particular selection.

(BTW OP I know it's not your question, but as you mention it, they use loads of filters - you couldn't have looked like them when you were that age because they don't really look like that.)

Sampafie · 22/09/2021 13:14

@arield thanks sweety

BrendaBubbles · 22/09/2021 13:42

What I'm reading here is "Man looks at attractive women in bikini's"

It's not surprising at all but if you put up with your man looking at other women then it says more about your standards than how surprising it is.

Original poster

whymewhyme · 22/09/2021 17:29

@SummerHouse

IckTok

🤣

OP posts:

Sakurami · 22/09/2021 22:29

@ravenmum

(BTW OP I know it's not your question, but as you mention it, they use loads of filters - you couldn't have looked like them when you were that age because they don't really look like that.)

I hardly see 20 year olds because the algorithm knows what I'm interested in. To begin with I did, but as I didn't interact , it stops showing me that content. So anybody continuing seeing young kids dancing in skimpy outfits it is because they want to see them.

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/09/2021 22:36

It’s so depressingly sleazy, and essentially reflects he’s not very bright. He doesn’t have any understanding about exploitation, he doesn’t have any respect for you, he can’t join the dots…he sounds thick as shit.

sweetieqie · 22/09/2021 22:37

So anybody continuing seeing young kids dancing in skimpy outfits it is because they want to see them.

Young kids? 😒
Her husband looked at some videos featuring young-looking women, now he's a nonce? Mumsnet is always very uptight about these things. People are allowed to look at other attractive people. If you feel threatened by that, maybe there are other problems going on like lack of intimacy.

sweetieqie · 22/09/2021 22:39

@BrendaBubbles

What I'm reading here is "Man looks at attractive women in bikini's"

It's not surprising at all but if you put up with your man looking at other women then it says more about your standards than how surprising it is.

Nobody's husband on here ever looks at another woman's direction. He must bow his head if a woman equally or more attractive than his wife is in the vicinity. And masturbation is forbidden of course, because how can you fantasies about anything when you have a partner.

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