Split up and should I give baby his last name?

[NameChange433]

Hi MN
I have a month old baby and me and her Dad have split. We hadn’t known each other long when I fell pregnant but chose to continue the relationship and be a family. However he treated me like crap while I was pregnant and wasn’t ready to settle down. He has a son aged 5 who he sees regularly already. He was very supportive during my birth and shortly after but I chose to dump him because we were arguing a ton and thought co parenting would be better. He begged me to be a family but I said no, he needs to sort himself out, quit his coke habit, sort his finances and be there for baby. However We’re now still arguing and I don’t know what to do. Baby needs registering and I’m being told to give my last name? We had agreed to have his last name but since breaking up and rowing, I’m worried I’ll do it and he’ll be a let down.

no

absolutely not

There is no way the baby should have just his.

Everyone on MN will tell you just to use yours but I think the baby should have both. Either with his as more of a middle name or double barrelled.

No!

he needs to sort himself out, quit his coke habit, sort his finances and be there for baby
Easy answer. 100% give her your last name.

Of course not!
You aren't married to him so the baby takes your last name. And you might be wise to keep him off the birth certificate entirely btw.

Who gives a shit if he feels let down! He didn't push something this size of a watermelon out of his downstairs region.

Well done for leaving the manipulative coke head.
Read up on things like 'love bombing' and 'narcissist hoovering'. Protect yourself.

No. It'll be annoying for administrative stuff and travelling if you have different names. Give him yours. If he feels strongly about it when he's older, he can change it.

@SoupDragon

There is no way the baby should have just his.

Everyone on MN will tell you just to use yours but I think the baby should have both. Either with his as more of a middle name or double barrelled.

What? A coke head who treated the OP like crap throughout the pregnancy. Genuinely why @SoupDragon?

*hers. Sorry, misread your comment and thought you'd had a boy.

Baby takes Mums surname.
If you happen to be married, it is then the same as Dads.
As you arent married, baby has your surname.
You could put his surname in as a middle name if you wanted?

If he sorts himself out you can all mark the new start by adding his name in. Until he proves himself though it would be a no from me.

Your name or both names.

Definitely not his name alone.

Your name. Anything else will just lead to problems for you Who cares what he thinks

Yours without doubt

His as a middle name if you feel generous. In your case, especially with the coke habit, no.

No, absolutely not. He sounds a waste of space, please don’t lumber your poor child with his name. You’re setting yourself up with all manner of aggravation in the future not having the same name especially with a potentially absent father.

And @PeonyTime even if you were to be married your baby isn’t automatically given the same name as the father. Mothers don’t have to change their names on marriage. Married parents make a joint decision as to their baby’s name/names.

He treated you badly and has a coke habit?

That's a really awful father your child is going to have in their life, please don't add to the damage by saddling then with his name as well

Told by who? Him? Fuck no.

Kids should have the name of the parent the school will ring first / who will be main carer as that makes things simpler. I was married but still gave kids my name - which now I’m divorced I’m very relieved I did. It has never been an issue with anyone other than ex’s family. It has never bothered my kids although I think it would bother them to have name of a man who may not have been in their life.

Why would you. He isn't a good male role model. My son has my surname. I have my mother's maiden name.

Absolutely not

No. Don't give her the name of a man it's highly likely she'll barely know in a few years time. She'll want to have the same name as you.

Absolutely no chance. I had two children whilst unmarried and they both have my surname.

Caused a few 'conversations' with father's family but I was firm on it.

I was pregnant, I gave birth and, as it turned out, I raised them both nearly single handedly, which you will almost undoubtedly do if he's a coke addict. Your last name. Every time.

Kinda just shows how selfish and entitled he was. To ask for such a thing when you aren't even married. Let alone, after he has treated you like shite. The brass neck of him!

I disagree with a lot of posters here - just because you're not married doesn't mean baby should automatically get your surname. Mine have DP's surname, but we're fully intending on getting married etc and I'll change my surname too when we do so the situation is different.

What do you actually want? Do you think baby should have his name or yours?

It doesn't sound to me like he'll be a healthy constant in your child's life (I wouldn't be letting him have unsupervised contact until he stops the drugs) so I'd give baby your name

The real question is should he go on the birth certificate. Do you trust him? Because the ramifications of that are far greater than a name.