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Original poster

Cheating father in law

30 replies

Roxy1988 · 20/09/2021 10:14

I found out last year that my partners Dad has had numerous affairs throughout his marriage to my partners Mum. From what I can understand it has been continuous for the past 30ish years with a string of different woman. He told me last year that It had all stopped but he is now seeing the neighbour! The women he has been with include his wife's best friend and his daughter's (my partners sister) best friend 😮 my question is what do I do!? Do I

OP posts:
Original poster
Roxy1988 · 20/09/2021 10:17

tell my partner and rip his family apart?

OP posts:
Maxiedog123 · 20/09/2021 10:22

How is it it that you know? Are you very sure that other family members don't already know but haven't spoken to you about it?

Original poster
Roxy1988 · 20/09/2021 10:30

He told me! We ended up spending a lot of time together last year... I had just had a baby and he was not working due to covid. I was also going through a very bad time with my partner and my father in law was there for me. I guess he just felt comfortable with me and it all came out. I have been with my partner for over 8 years now so obviously know his family well and I'm pretty sure they don't know a thing. Obviously I don't want to destroy their family but is it worse not saying anything?

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RandomMess · 20/09/2021 10:31

I think he was grooming you to have an affair with him tbh!!!

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 20/09/2021 10:33

Tell your DP. Whatever it does to his family isnt your fault, but not telling him puts a bomb in the middle of your relationship that could go off any time if anyone ever finds out and then your FIL tries to put some blame on you by saying you knew. Because with something like that it's likely the family would want some sort of scapegoat and it would be easy to become about "Why didn't Roxy tell us?! What a betrayal!". Even if that didnt happen by not telling your partner you know you're keeping this from him and if you see a future with him, you dont say if your relationship is long term but assuming it is or will be, knowing this about his dad and not saying something to him isn't fair on him (he might not see it that way at first, but he should see after a bit that if you'd not told him it would have been worse.).

Noshowwithoutpunch · 20/09/2021 10:34

God, I'd not be spending a lot of time with him.
You say he was there for you, are you sure he doesn't have you marked as his next fling?Hmm

BrilliantBetty · 20/09/2021 10:35

Yep. He was trying it on with you OP. When you were vulnerable.

I would tell your partner what you know and leave it up to him as to whether his mother should be told.

I'd also to v LC with FIL.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 20/09/2021 10:35

Ah, posted before your done your second post. So it is a LTR. Then 100 % tell him. Don't have a relationship built with a lie in the middle.

AnyFucker · 20/09/2021 11:10

You now share a secret. Very clever of your FIL. He wants into your knickers next and I think you have been very naive.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/09/2021 12:22

Ugh I think he was testing the waters with you I'm afraid OP.

And he's now tried to make you complicit in his deception by telling you these things as he knows you're unlikely to detonate the bomb by telling everyone so you have an 'our little secret' thing.

He sounds like an absolute cunt. How the fuck men like him get one woman to shag them let alone loads is beyond me.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/09/2021 12:23

Oh and I would tell your DP, then tell your FIL you've done so and that it's now a family issue not your problem.

layladomino · 20/09/2021 18:49

Don't keep this from your DP. You shouldn't have a big lie such as this between you. Your FIL is the one in the wrong. If there's any fallout, then that's on him not you. However if you say nothing then it all comes out later on that you knew, then you could end up with your own relationship being spoiled.

Original poster
Roxy1988 · 20/09/2021 19:08

@RandomMess looking back now I am wondering. Didn't think it at the time but you could be right

@LifesNotEnidBlyton we are in a LTR yes but we are hanging on by a thread after a bad year so whether or not we have a future I don't know.

What I know would completely destroy their family which includes my partners brother and sister who are very close to their Dad. I really don't know what to do or even how I would tell my partner

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Original poster
Roxy1988 · 20/09/2021 19:32

Also do I tell EVERYTHING I know including the affair with his Wife's best friend which was 30ish years ago or just the current one 🙄

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Original poster
Roxy1988 · 20/09/2021 19:37

@Noshowwithoutpunch I have very much distanced myself from him since I found out but we are currently staying with him and my partner's Mum whilst we have some renovations done

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GreekTragedy · 20/09/2021 19:43

Be careful OP he's grooming you ready for an affair. The fact that he says he had an affair with his daughter's best friend, whom I assume would be about your age, I think means he's def trying it on.

Is he good looking for his age? Would a young woman actually have an affair with him?

He's sounds a toxic arsehole, please be careful if you're living there with him.

Original poster
Roxy1988 · 20/09/2021 20:04

@GreekTragedy I don't think it was an affair with his daughter's bestfriend but something definitely happened that shouldn't have! I wouldn't say he is particularly good looking. He's in his 60's but looks it if that makes sense! The last 2 were with women in their 30's. I am in my thirties and definitely do not find him attractive.

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Talkingmouse · 20/09/2021 20:18

Yuk. He was 100% laying the ground work to fuck you in the future. But hang on, you have distanced yourself from him, but are now living with them 🙃. Move out. Now. Have nothing to do with them. His wife/partner will know most of it anyway…

Bananarama21 · 20/09/2021 20:25

Grim I'd tell your bf and distance myself from the whole family.

baubled · 20/09/2021 20:29

What a 10/10 twat he is, I'm in the camp that he was laying the ground work for you to be next. How long ago did you find out?

baubled · 20/09/2021 20:30

Sorry just realised you said last year, difficult situation because now your partner is going to ask why you've sat on it for so long

GreekTragedy · 20/09/2021 20:31

Hmmm wonder if it's true then or an over active imagination!! No matter what. Still a creep!!

Bellyups · 20/09/2021 20:33

He was grooming you OP. Testing the waters, and your morals

Hawkins001 · 20/09/2021 20:35

@Roxy1988

I found out last year that my partners Dad has had numerous affairs throughout his marriage to my partners Mum. From what I can understand it has been continuous for the past 30ish years with a string of different woman. He told me last year that It had all stopped but he is now seeing the neighbour! The women he has been with include his wife's best friend and his daughter's (my partners sister) best friend 😮 my question is what do I do!? Do I
You'll need proof, otherwise it will be your word vs his, although all the best op
HollowTalk · 20/09/2021 20:45

Was it his wife's best friend or his daughters best friend that he had a thing with? You mention both.

Are you the poster who has another thread about a father-in-law having an affair?