How Often Can/Should I See My Daughter?

[Casio363]

Hey forum, a few weeks back myself and the other half unfortunately called it a day on our relationship of 7 years. We didn't end it on terrible grounds, it was more of a mutual agreement that we were always bickering, arguing and that the spark was gone. I have given her space as requested but she doesn't want to speak to me about anything other than our daughter, who lives with her and is 2 years and 4 months old.

So far I have been seeing her round at her house every other evening for approximately 1hr 15 - 1hr 30 mins. I don't get to feed her anymore and bathing her is well out of the question, even though I ask almost every time as bathing her was always my role at the time - so I naturally thought it would be nice to carry this on with my daughter.

I have been calm and accepted her decision for the time-being, to let things heal and see if she would change her views. She hasn't, she is like a battle-axe at times. She kinda dictates to me what times I can see my daughter, and where. There is no way she would allow me to take her out of the house for a couple hours over to mine (I only live 2 mins drive up the road by the way), so I have respected her decision to "keep things the same for our daughter" and see her at the ex's house. I don't mind this in a way but I do feel rather dictated to.

Weekends I can see her one of the days for about 3 hours...our daughter is 2yrs and 4 months old as I said, so she still takes a 90min-2hr afternoon nap after she's had dinner. I haven't even thought about asking if I could have her for the full day and get her back in the evening for bath and bed, or even for teatime as I know my ex will flat out refuse to disrupt her routine of napping at her house. Is it unreasonable for me to now begin to think that actually I could have her for the majority of the time and to include nap, as long as our daughter does cope with and go to sleep at nap time?

Considering I live a 2 min drive away and I've kept my head and been mature about the whole breakup, when actually it was me who ended up wanting her back and now she doesn't want that...so I've been in a rough place since it happened but I am thinking very clearly and feel free again now. It's just that other people are telling me she is dictating too much and I should be able to bathe her and see her for more than 1hr 15mins during weekday visits? Especially at the weekend, to have her for the full day? I just don't want to argue with her to be honest, but I do want what is best for my daughter more than anything. I also want to see her at every opportunity, naturally.

Any further advice from you guys would be taken on board with great appreciation

Sorry you're going through that OP, unfortunately you probably will have to go to court to get a proper access order in place. You absolutely have the right to see your child in your own house on your own

After work half tge weekends At your place .
Stoo going round to stay there your dd can easily adapt to being at your place
See a dsolicitor an d get to mediation to discuss thexarrangments pronto
Start filling out a shared outdoing agreement tell her you all need clarity

Shared parents agreement
www.separatedfamilies.info/home/parenting-apart/parenting-agreements/

It just strikes me they next to never want the reality of 50/50 but want to chose what they do get. My friends ex hassled and threatened about custody and caused her so much stress about who should drive the child to his house etc until she finally said ok YOU have him full time and race around trying to fit work around childcare and and meals and laundry and costumes and play dates and I’LL pick him up every other weekend and do tea on Wednesday nights and pay you 15% of my net income.

Predictably he soon stopped with the hassle.

Tbh I think I'd just go along with it for now. The child is young so I can understand why mum doesn't want her staying elsewhere overnight.

Maybe see about getting a solicitor to discuss set days and times though.

I'm betting in a year or two that the mother will be cool letting you take her overnight on a regular basis.

I don't see the point in creating unnecessary tension atm. Just make it clear the days and times you are available and give her a framework to work within. Via the solicitor if need be.

OP has used the word ‘helping’ a few times when he should mean ‘parenting’, but I’m not sure seeing a child for an hour a couple of times a week could be described as that. Get the ball rolling towards mediation and court, obviously.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

There are 5840 days in 16 yrs. One day a week equals 832 days over the 16 yrs. That means the parent (Father in this case) sees the child for 14% of their life. Add another day that means 28%.

Personally, we share 50/50 and that is how it should be, any other way all things being safe and considered is quite clearly an abuse.

Clearly an abuse? Yeah most of MN are clearly abusing our kids.

OR there are pros and cons to all arrangements so get off your holier than thou high horse.

What are the cons to one parent not seeing their child for over 85 percent of their lives.

@Hrpuffnstuff1 every family is different. Ma y parents that love together don't share parenting 50/50 or even see their children every day of they are not the primary caregiver.

One day a week, or EOW with the non resident parent, may be right in some situations. You can't judge in a blanket manner without knowing the details.