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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else have crap brothers?

39 replies

Extraslice · 19/09/2021 21:26

And hear the same old excuse from others - “wellll, it’s because they’re men isn’t it”
What sort of explanation is that? That means they can get away with being selfish, uncaring twats?
I hate it.

I have a 10 week old baby. I have 3 brothers (2 older, 1 younger). Apart from the obligatory visit when she was born, none of them have bothered with me or her since. It makes me sad that they are so uncaring about their niece.
It’s always been this way, but just really getting to me today for some reason.

I have 2 dds and hope they always look out for eachother. I feel my life might have been very different if I had had a sister.

OP posts:
PileOfBooks · 19/09/2021 21:28

Have you invited them?

Mine didn't know what to do with babies so avoided visiting! He got (a bit) better when he had kids.

RogueV · 19/09/2021 21:28

I hear you OP.

I have one older brother and he is the same.

Original poster
Extraslice · 19/09/2021 21:32

I haven’t invited them. But I’m not even asking for a visit, just an odd text would be nice!

OP posts:
Keepitrealnomists · 19/09/2021 21:33

I have a brother who has 3 kid, 2 of which he had after my DC and he doesn't give a crap. He doesn't keep in touch with our parents or extended family unless he wants something (usually money)
I wish I was an only child tbh.

Washeduponthebeach · 19/09/2021 21:35

It's not brothers ,sisters can be just as bad, if not worse.

barbrahunter · 19/09/2021 21:37

I hear you, OP. Mine are complete twats, the golden children who grew up to be selfish, entitled and genuinely dislikable adults.

MissyB1 · 19/09/2021 21:40

Yep 3 hopeless brothers! Luckily I have 2 sisters who are much better.

noirchatsdeux · 19/09/2021 21:41

I have two brothers, one younger, one older, I'm the only girl...and yes, they are both absolutely crap at keeping in touch.

My mother moved back to Australia in the summer of 1996...I remember Christmas 1995, as usual we all met up at her flat. We knew then she was going back, and I remember thinking 'this will be last Christmas we will all be together'...and I was right. My younger brother followed her back to Australia in 2000, and I hadn't seen him since that Christmas. My older brother, I last saw him at my wedding in 2001... he also now lives abroad.

I tried with both of them for a long time, but finally gave up being the first to get in touch about 5 years ago. Not heard from either of them since.

ParkheadParadise · 19/09/2021 21:45

I have 2 older brothers and 3 older sisters. I'm the youngest. When I had Dd1 I was very young both my brothers were very close to her all through her life.
BUT when my mum took dementia they were both useless. When it came time for mum to go in a home they both said she wasn't going, but neither of them were willing to look after her full-time.
When she eventually went into care they refused to visit because they didn't like to see her like that.🤔It caused a lot of arguing between us all.

I will admit when my Dd1 died both my brothers were at my side 24/7 as we're my sisters and helped me through the nightmare.

Timeforabiscuit · 19/09/2021 21:45

I'm just as bad at contact as my brother, they're my kids not his (so it's a bonus if he remembers birthdays, not a given) and his drunken exploits are part of the rich tapestry of family legend!

Work with what you've got, after seeing close up the poisonous family dynamics which looked loving from the outside, it's made me appreciate an honest relationship. That and remembering the Waltons was a work of fiction!

sjxoxo · 19/09/2021 21:55

I have two and they aren’t terrible- one is quite good at calling and texting but we are quite close. The other less so but very occasionally we chat on phone and there’s been two times he’s really been in the s* and he’s called me, rather than our parents or friends etc. However, both of my parents have one brother each. Recently I’ve lost one grandparent on each side. Neither of my parent’ brothers bothered to go and visit their dying parent (my grandparents), leaving my parents to handle all end of life decisions and now all probate. I’m appalled at their behaviour & lack of responsibility or even consideration for my mum or dad! It’s a huge burden and they’ve had no help from either of their brothers. xo

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 19/09/2021 22:29

Yes, grew up in his shadow, got the tiny bedroom and he got the big one, etc. I now see parents regularly and feel involved in their life, while he's utterly crap at keeping in touch at the other end of the country and barely involved, I don't even feel like he's part of the family anymore. It used to make me really sad, now I just accept it

GreyCarpet · 20/09/2021 06:55

My brother was 20 when my eldest was born. He lived about half an hour from me and popped in after work most evenings to spend time with me and his nephew.

My son is now 23 and his sister is 15. They are in touch most days, she goes and stays the night has his flat, they meet in town for dinner. They're inseperable.

I think it's a combination of personality and upbringing.

Namenic · 20/09/2021 07:37

My brothers ask after my kids, visit us and play with the kids. They have taken the kids on holiday. They don’t have any of their own at the moment though - so may have more time. But they’re great.

From observation daughters or daughters-in-law tend to help more with elderly parents. But I have seen some v dedicated sons.

crosshatching · 20/09/2021 08:37

Yep mine is the same OP. But to be honest I don't miss him and his moods and the way the whole room seems to pander to him one bit.

Bearnecessity · 20/09/2021 13:56

I've got two brothers the same we don't talk now they have refused to go to their nephew's wedding or speak positively o communicate with family....so much for doting uncles...

Pericombobulations · 20/09/2021 14:20

Another person with 2 crap brothers. One still has not acknowledged I was diagnosed with ms 5 years ago.

We had an email rant at each other this weekend where I pointed out I was currently having weekly hospital visits which he has also pointedly ignored.

Nowomenaroundeh · 20/09/2021 16:03

Totally. When he announced his first child's impending arrival there was so much fanfare you would think no other baby had ever been born. When I messaged to say I was pregnant I got a non-committal message about taking it easy on the vodka martinis and not another word till I was nearly full time and we were away on a family break in a hotel. I asked the waiter was there blue cheese on the salad, he rolled his eyes and really dramatically said "oh because she's PREGNANT everyone".

CiaoForNiao · 20/09/2021 16:07

Yep. One sexually abused and raped me for years.
The other has grown up to be a racist, sexist, misogynistic twat.
Fuck knows how my mum raised such vile humans tbh. Or how I turned out so wonderful Grin

Hont1986 · 20/09/2021 16:24

If you're texting and inviting them and they aren't replying, then you have a good point.

If you aren't texting them but you want them to do all the work, then you sound a bit entitled.

GinIronic · 20/09/2021 16:50

I have brothers and a sister. They too came to visit when my babies were first born. After that - just every now and then. Other people's babies can be boring. You might find they are more invested in their niece when she is older and more engaging.

Hopefullysweatmightbewee · 20/09/2021 16:54

Two brothers, getting marginally better as we age. Didn’t bother at all before I had their nieces though.

What pisses me off is the acceptance because they’re men. Mainly from my mum. They don’t send cards, don’t do presents because they’re men and don’t think like that. If I missed a family birthday I’d be chastised.

Steeple · 20/09/2021 16:59

@Hont1986

If you're texting and inviting them and they aren't replying, then you have a good point.

If you aren't texting them but you want them to do all the work, then you sound a bit entitled.

I think that's fair. I mean, were you all in frequent contact before the baby was born -- are the three of you close? Because it seems a bit mad to expect them to suddenly behave entirely differently because you've had a baby. What do you want from them?
Mama1980 · 20/09/2021 17:00

The man thing is a cop out. I have 4 brothers, all make the effort to visit frequently, and take a great interest in their nieces and nephews.
That being said we are that sort of family, turn up on the doorstep, talk all the time.
Have you invited them over? They might think you want space with a newborn.

cptartapp · 20/09/2021 17:02

My brother bullied me growing up.
He did nothing but call his ex wife for her parenting skills when she divorced him, despite the fact she did 70% of the care. Then went self employed.
My DM was killed and we had to get together to sort the house etc. Nothing but confrontation and argumentative behaviour. Criticising everyone from the police to the estate agent. Exhausting.
He lives an hour away and I haven't seen him in nearly a year despite having no other family.