Anyone else have crap brothers?

[Extraslice]

And hear the same old excuse from others - “wellll, it’s because they’re men isn’t it”
What sort of explanation is that? That means they can get away with being selfish, uncaring twats?
I hate it.

I have a 10 week old baby. I have 3 brothers (2 older, 1 younger). Apart from the obligatory visit when she was born, none of them have bothered with me or her since. It makes me sad that they are so uncaring about their niece.
It’s always been this way, but just really getting to me today for some reason.

I have 2 dds and hope they always look out for eachother. I feel my life might have been very different if I had had a sister.

My brother's great in his own way but I don't expect that close an uncle relationship really. I can see it's expected and it works in a lot of families and that's great.

What is true us that when my brother decides to give a level of commitment, whatever it is, he follows through. Solid as a rock. So I think perhaps he's cautious at taking on commitments, because he never flakes. He has an unwell wife and two daughters himself, plus our mother takes some support. I wouldn't expect masses from him for ds.

Sisters can be just as ‘crap’ OP.

I have one older DB and one younger DB . When I had my first DD I lived at home for a while as my husband was in the army and was waiting to be discharged. Both my DB were great with my DD . That was a long time ago . We all live not too far from each other but hardly ever communicate, BUT both my DB will always be there for me . If I ring them to ask for help they will do anything that I need them to. I love my DBs .
We don't need to live in each other's pockets .

I have 2 brothers, and we get on well. They are not great at calling for a catch up or taking the initiative to meet up (nor am I though). But they are excellent if I want them to do something - babysit, put some Ikea drawers together, that sort of thing.

I have always wondered what it would be like to have a sister - when you don't have one it is easy to assume you would be best buddies. This doesn't really reflect the reality of my friends' relationships with their sisters though.

My brother is rubbish and my DH is rubbish with his own family...

Mine was constantly moaning about our sister’s perfectly pleasant children. I pointed out that maybe he should look at his own child’s behaviour as diplomatically as I could as said child had just caused a fairly significant injury to our niece. He hasn’t spoken to me since because I said such awful things about his child.

He has however tried to create drama because I accepted his decision to go no contact with no fuss.

I take the view family don’t owe anyone anything and we can choose whether they’re in or out of our lives as much as anyone else - and it’s none of my business what they think of me, it’s about them.

I have 2 younger brothers. The youngest is 26. Very involved with my kids he takes them in days out, spends time with them, helps with homework, buys them stuff randomly that he thinks they may like etc. On the other hand 32 year old brother has never bothered with them. Not even a birthday card , not that I expect him to remember their birthdays. At Xmas family meet ups, he could at least bring chocolates for the family. But he brings absolutely nothing for anyone , but gets presents from everybody else. Both brothers aren't married and have no DC but the difference is huge.

@Roselilly36

Sisters can be just as ‘crap’ OP.

Some families just aren't close, rather than people necessarily being 'crap'.

I have a brother and two sisters, all older than me, my brother and eldest sister have never been in the house I bought in 1997, the younger sister hasn't spoken to me in almost 5 years. My brother doesn't know the names of my two kids and 6 years ago out of the blue asked me if I was a kiddie fiddler. There was nothing I'd done to trigger this, so I asked him why he'd said that, his answer was, "it's what I think of you as being". This was at a family get together and he was given a ten second chance of getting out of the pub before I went after him. He wasn't badly hurt, but he could have been. He keeps well away from me now.
Family, I want nothing to do with them.

They are absolutely fucking shite.

Mums sister (who had stage 4 cancer) was rushed into hospital August 2019.

I cancelled my plans and drove down to help.

My brothers DIDNT EVEN TEXT MUM. Not one fucking text to see how she was.

I told them both what I thought of them with no filter at all. I was absolutely raging.

Not been the same since as I feel they have shown their true colours. And they're utterly pathetic selfish human beings.

The 'because they're men' thing is such a cop out. My older DB comes round every week, takes my DS 15 to football, takes both my DS's on days out, spends as much time as he physically can with his nephews without any complaint.

My younger DB is only nine years older than my eldest DS but still makes effort with him, again coming round to see them both, buys them gifts etc.

If they wanted to make an effort, they absolutely would. I do think YABU to expect them just to drop in without an invite as I think sometimes people find that uncomfortable. I also think that maybe they wouldn't want to get in the way if your baby is only 10 weeks old? I would offer for them to come round, and if they don't then that's on them - but at least you have tried.

My brother decided to pursue my ex husband to be for drinks, dinners, stay overs, New Year's Eve etc when we split up. Myself and my daughter haven't seen hide nor hair of him for ten years. He turned up very recently as if nothing had happened. I won't be pursuing any further relationship with him!

Yup. He never initiates any contact so it's always down to me plus many other crap things. I've got 2 DSs so I really hope they don't turn out so selfish when it comes to family.

Yeah I have a brother who is a vile, selfish human being, he doesn’t bother with his own kids, let alone anyone else’s.