Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

online chatting dating

74 replies

essexgirl58 · 19/09/2021 18:25

Hi I started chatting to a nice bloke online. He seems polite but obviously we have only chatted about three weeks. I have a very busy life so the last time we chatted he said when an we chat againaa so I said I am busy for the next few days but how about Sunday and he said fine ok.

My mate said se does not think he will be back online to chat because he likes me and he might think that a few days away is the brush off and she said she would be very surprised if he bothers with me again after getting the brush off because if I really liked him I would not have said I was busy.

I ama now worried that I have put him off

OP posts:

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 25/09/2021 22:56

@Addicted2LoveIsland

I cannot believe how over attached you got to a guy who you were only chatting to online. OK he didn't didn't up but you're actually going to waste your breath on telling him how pissed off you are and how you are not a push over? Does it matter and would he even care? He doesn't owe you anything anyway. I agree its terrible to just not show up when it is easy enough to send a message and cancel. I wouldn't waste my breath I'd just move on.

I find it hard to believe you are 50. I don't even think this post is real. It read as if you were 18. "My mate said..." "This bloke..." Either way bad form

He could not have left a message because he is not a member of the chat site. You have to join in order to leave messages for others. He is gone for good now. We agreed to cat again last Sunday an its now Saturday and he as not been in once. Time to move on. He is never going to show up again. I have not been looking out for him, I have simply been chatting to others. This has really taught me a lesson that there are a lot of creeps about and you cannot trust any of them

OP posts:

JustAnother0ldMan · 25/09/2021 23:29

Tbh OP if you can only manage to chat once a week I'm not sure you're cut out for OLD. If I was talking to someone on OLD and they said they couldn't chat again for a week I'd be long gone!

100% this

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 26/09/2021 00:02

Anyway it was never really going to work because I am too busy for a long distance relationship. It would have been easier if he lived in my home town or at least nearby but he lived 3 hours away

OP posts:

Redruby2020 · 26/09/2021 00:15

@essexgirl58

I am not about to be played and he keeps saying how nice I am and that I am the best woman on the site and he only comes to chat with me. They why is he not bloody well chatting with me tonight

I'm sorry to disappoint you but do you know how many guys said the same thing to me 🤦‍♀️ most of the time, if at all, it's not true sorry.

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 26/09/2021 01:49

I actually believed every word he told me.

OP posts:

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/09/2021 06:04

@Pinkbonbon

*going along.

In future, within 3 conversations (say, 1 week max of talking) if they have not asked you out: you ask them out. If they umm amd aww and make excuses or if they say they cant on that day but don't suggest a specific alternative day - don't waste any more time on them. Because they are there for an ego stroke, not to date.

Absolutely this. You might meet him and not be attracted, and you've wasted weeks 'chatting'.

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 26/09/2021 16:43

what makes me laugh is that a friend of mine actively encouraged me with him and said he seems perfect for you and she was not being sarcastic. Even now she said because you told him you were busy for a week he is paying you back and he is staying away for a week and she genuinely thinks he will show up tonight whih is one week after our original arrangement to make me see what it is like to be kept waiting for a week to chat again. I said to her I think it is unlikely he will show up again and then she said wht will you do if he does an gives you a very good excuse for his absence

The mind boggles

OP posts:

thesearelaughterlines · 26/09/2021 17:17

The mind boggles indeed

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 26/09/2021 23:59

@thesearelaughterlines

The mind boggles indeed

Update... I saw this bloke again on the chat. I was not sure at first if it was him because the age against his name was different. He had put 42 and he is in his 50s We chatted and I knew it was him so I asked him about the age change and he said oh I have no idea how it got there. Of course I did not believe him. Then I said to him how come you were not around for a week and that you did not come on as agreed last Sunday. His reply was. Did we arrange to chat last Sunday? I said yes and then he said he had no idea and had forgotten about it. Then he continued to say he liked to chat with me so I took the bull by the horns and said I had been thinking of meeting up with you and he said oh so have I but I want to continue chatting online to get to know you better. Then he said later on we can chat this week as I am around so I said how about Tuesday as I and he said ok. Then as we were wrapping up the conversation for tonight I said see you Tuesay and he said sorry I am not sure if i am able to ome on here on Tuesday how about Wednesday? I said but I suggested Tuesday beause I am going out on Wednesday and he sai ok well if I am here on Tuesday then we can chat but if not then another day.

This all sounds very odd and suspicious. I did say to him are you hiding something from me and he said no. I think he is

OP posts:

litterbird · 27/09/2021 07:22

Come on OP....you need to stop all this nonsense. He isn't genuine at all. You need to get a thicker skin, stop investing in someone who is as flaky and fake as this man. He isn't into you at all. Just block and find someone who gives you the time.

TwatInTinFoil · 27/09/2021 07:37

He's probably married.

actingsergeant · 27/09/2021 14:33

@litterbird

This

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 27/09/2021 17:04

A friend of mine emailed me and said this

If Steve was married or a player, he would not be able to chat to you every night from 8:30 until midnight or whatever. He would be busy with his wife or chatting up other women and instead he has told you that you are the only nice woman and the only woman he chats to. Doesn't sound like a player to me.

OP posts:

thesearelaughterlines · 27/09/2021 18:08

@essexgirl58 do you know how many people work night shifts ?
Come on now for gods sake
You are in your 50's 🧐 and putting this much energy into some stranger from the internet who doesn't even know what day it is ?
I think you should date your pal , you seem to pay a lot of attention to what they tell you

TwatInTinFoil · 27/09/2021 18:23

He could work nights, does he live near you? I was duped in a similar scenario...if it feels dodgy it is.

thesearelaughterlines · 27/09/2021 18:28

And why are you communicating with a friend by email?
Don't you text/ call/ FaceTime/ WhatsApp

If I emailed my friend they'd think I'd been hacked

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 27/09/2021 19:22

@TwatInTinFoil

He could work nights, does he live near you? I was duped in a similar scenario...if it feels dodgy it is.

no he lives about 2 and a half hours away and he does not work nights

OP posts:

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 27/09/2021 19:24

@thesearelaughterlines

And why are you communicating with a friend by email? Don't you text/ call/ FaceTime/ WhatsApp

If I emailed my friend they'd think I'd been hacked

I communiate with my friend by email because she has some social issues and cannot speak on the phone. She has Aspergers which means she cannot talk to people and can only communicate via email or wassap

OP posts:

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 04/10/2021 06:07

I have got rid of him now. The crunch came when we arranged to meet online last week and he did not show up and when he did eventually show up, he said he could not even remember any such arrangement being made. Then we chatted for a while and then we arranged to chat again two days later and then he suddenly said he could not make it and has not been around since and its been 7 days.

Good Riddance

OP posts:

Nyfluff · 04/10/2021 06:31

Maybe work on your self esteem a bit. I'm not sure how else to say it but you seem very naïve. It's very intense as you're giving a run down of your stream of thoughts. Have you tried a meetup group for dating in person? Think about what you'd like in a partner and what boundaries you need in place.

Opentooffers · 04/10/2021 10:09

You are way too invested in this very superficial situation, and actually believing everything he says.
Flattery should ring alarm bells. If anyone starts off with "you're gorgeous" or "love your pics", it's not worth replying. Don't you want to be liked for more than your photo? I'd say it's a given already that your photo is within the realms of " could see this person", otherwise there would be no chat in person he first place. As for chatting 3 weeks without arranging a meet - a waste of anyone's time and going nowhere. That friend you had who chatted for 3 months? - a rare exception that has given you false hope.
Have you done a reverse photo search, I think you'll find the pics are fake given that he keeps 'accidently' changing his age. You don't know he's 50's, he just saw your pic and guessed your age range and most likely plucked a pick from the web that was in the same ballpark.
You come across as quite naive, and a bit gullible tbh.

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 04/10/2021 20:28

@Opentooffers

You are way too invested in this very superficial situation, and actually believing everything he says. Flattery should ring alarm bells. If anyone starts off with "you're gorgeous" or "love your pics", it's not worth replying. Don't you want to be liked for more than your photo? I'd say it's a given already that your photo is within the realms of " could see this person", otherwise there would be no chat in person he first place. As for chatting 3 weeks without arranging a meet - a waste of anyone's time and going nowhere. That friend you had who chatted for 3 months? - a rare exception that has given you false hope. Have you done a reverse photo search, I think you'll find the pics are fake given that he keeps 'accidently' changing his age. You don't know he's 50's, he just saw your pic and guessed your age range and most likely plucked a pick from the web that was in the same ballpark. You come across as quite naive, and a bit gullible tbh.

No you have misunderstood. He did not see my poto and picked a similar age range. He put his age on his name as 51 so he was saying he was 51 long before he even saw what I looked like. Yes I was gulible and it did not help that a friend of mine kept egging me on saying I have found a lovely bloke . Also the crunch came when he never showed up online when we arranged and he changed his age on his name from 51 to 43 and when I pointed that out to him, he said oh I really do not know how that got there. He also said he had no memory of making any arrangement with me to chat on a certain date. My friend said oh well he probably as had a busy time at work so no wonder he forgot. So my friend was making excuses for him and actively encouraging me to behave in a certain way to make him step up to the mark and ask me on a date.

It is over and I will never be so stupid again

OP posts:

Original poster

essexgirl58 · 04/10/2021 21:07

@Opentooffers

You are way too invested in this very superficial situation, and actually believing everything he says. Flattery should ring alarm bells. If anyone starts off with "you're gorgeous" or "love your pics", it's not worth replying. Don't you want to be liked for more than your photo? I'd say it's a given already that your photo is within the realms of " could see this person", otherwise there would be no chat in person he first place. As for chatting 3 weeks without arranging a meet - a waste of anyone's time and going nowhere. That friend you had who chatted for 3 months? - a rare exception that has given you false hope. Have you done a reverse photo search, I think you'll find the pics are fake given that he keeps 'accidently' changing his age. You don't know he's 50's, he just saw your pic and guessed your age range and most likely plucked a pick from the web that was in the same ballpark. You come across as quite naive, and a bit gullible tbh.

Also when I asked the bloke if he could tae a selfie of himself because he would not send me any more photos of himself, claiming he did not have access to hem, and there is a poto icon on the chat site, he sai oh I did not know about that so I demonstrated how easy it was to do and took a selfie and posted it to him within three minutes. He said oh ok so I said its now your turn. He replied. Yes I could take one but I dont want to. I now think it was because it would reveal he was not the same person as in the only photo he sent me of himself.

My friend said oh dont be too hard on him lots of people hate taking selfies of themselves. so yes I was gullible but my friend was making it worse and adding to it

OP posts:

TwatInTinFoil · 05/10/2021 07:18

Don't think this guy is real.

Flip

1 2 3