Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

online chatting dating

74 replies

essexgirl58 · 19/09/2021 18:25

Hi I started chatting to a nice bloke online. He seems polite but obviously we have only chatted about three weeks. I have a very busy life so the last time we chatted he said when an we chat againaa so I said I am busy for the next few days but how about Sunday and he said fine ok.

My mate said se does not think he will be back online to chat because he likes me and he might think that a few days away is the brush off and she said she would be very surprised if he bothers with me again after getting the brush off because if I really liked him I would not have said I was busy.

I ama now worried that I have put him off

OP posts:
Original poster
essexgirl58 · 20/09/2021 00:55

@Macaroni46

Tbh OP if you can only manage to chat once a week I'm not sure you're cut out for OLD. If I was talking to someone on OLD and they said they couldn't chat again for a week I'd be long gone! I also wouldn't get hung up on number of photos exchanged but I do agree with other posters that no date after 3 weeks is a waste of time!
no date ater 3 weeks is not a waste of time. I actually know someone who met his girlfriend online, so out of curiosity i asked him how long they chatte before they met, and he said 3 months. They then met and 6 months later he proposed to her and she accepted and they are now planning heir wedding
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 20/09/2021 02:29

Op he has never fricken met you so how would he know if he likes you?

Also sorry but, 'looking for a wife' ..
thats a creepy thing to say to someone he had never met. I mean, I guess context would be key but still. This plus the whole attitude of 'If you're good enough we can progress to phonecalls' is quite frankly, weird.

I don't think you're really listening to anyone here though op.

Your friends situation is a rare exception. I'd also wonder if they lived a long way from one another and so they never had a chance to meet for three months. Which would be completely different to your current situation.

dearmrpresident · 20/09/2021 02:35

Agree with @Pinkbonbon. You’re living in fantasy land OP

litterbird · 20/09/2021 02:48

Be careful OP, I have had several men say to me “I am looking for a wife”. They are said in emails I find in my junk folder from Nigeria. You come across as a little inexperienced in OLD. I would just ditch this one and when you chat to someone again get a date in very quickly so you can meet and not waste time.

Savoretti · 20/09/2021 06:57

Are your still chatting on the dating app? Ie not even exchanged phone numbers yet?

Macaroni46 · 20/09/2021 13:39

I was thinking that @Savoretti
I found if you didn't move to WhatsApp or similar fairly quickly it wasn't going to go anywhere. Thereafter regular messaging ( personally I like daily but realise that might be too much for some)?leading to setting a date within a couple of weeks.

Original poster
essexgirl58 · 20/09/2021 18:21

@Savoretti

Are your still chatting on the dating app? Ie not even exchanged phone numbers yet?
In actual fact, another bloke from the same site did chat to me. This was a while before this current one came along. This other bloke and I cchatted for a bit and then I showed him my photo. As soon as he saw my photo, he said oh I would love to take you out to dinner. He then sent me his photo and I did not like the look of him so I declined his offer. He was ok about it.
OP posts:
Original poster
essexgirl58 · 20/09/2021 18:23

@Savoretti

Are your still chatting on the dating app? Ie not even exchanged phone numbers yet?
It is not a dating app It is a chat site with loas of diferent rooms. We have exchanged photos an he liked my photo and I like his
OP posts:
Original poster
essexgirl58 · 20/09/2021 18:30

sorry I misread your message. No we have not exchange numbers yet. I was all for it but when I kind of broached it by saying where is this chat heading (meaning are we going to just chat for days and weeks on end) he said we can chat on the phone if we continue to get on well in the chat room. Another thing that I feel is a bit strange is that when we chat online and I say ok well I have a few thngs to do, he says will you come back later and I said no and he said oh that is a shame because I like chatting with you. Then he said will you be around tomorrow and if we are chatting and I say brb because I am going to make a cuppa or use the loo, he says where are you going and when he goes off he puts brb and comes back and says I had to go to the loo. I do not need to know that. I never say I am going to the loo. I just say brb. Why does whoever I chat with need to know if I am popping to use the loo. Obviously if you are out with someone then thats different, but online it is not necessary to say oh hold on I am going to the toilet.

OP posts:
notlongtillxmas · 20/09/2021 18:38

Can I ask how old you are @essexgirl58 ?

Original poster
essexgirl58 · 20/09/2021 19:02

@notlongtillxmas

Can I ask how old you are *@essexgirl58* ?
I am in my 50s and so is he. What I also found odd but put it to one side is that when he approached me, he had no idea how old I was. Because he is not a member of the site we chat on, he cannot see profiles and peoples ages are automatically on their profile. He started chatting to me and did not even ask my age. Obviously he put his age in his sign on name but for all he knew I could be 18 an a man in his 50s should not be chatting to an 18 year old or even someone in theri 20s. I find that odd that he did not check my age. Also when I mentioned where my family were from, he did not follow it on with oh ok well my family are from xxxx. That is the natural thing to say. He has not asked if I have any brothers or sisters or if my parents are still alive or whaever. If I want to find out about him I have to ask otherwise all we talk about is the weather and what food we like lol
OP posts:
litterbird · 21/09/2021 12:44

Please be careful OP this isnt sounding good. If he does get back to chatting with you do not give him any money if he asks for it. Think you have had a narrow escape...if it doesn't sit right with you and things are feeling odd, it generally means it is odd and should be avoided.

Pinkbonbon · 21/09/2021 12:47

He sounds far too full on op.
Love bombers want to talk 24/7. Its not because they like you, it's because they need to to like them. They need the attention.

I think it's a good thing he has vanished. Don't speak to him again.

Plenty more fish in the see.

Pinkbonbon · 21/09/2021 12:47

*sea
Lol

Original poster
essexgirl58 · 21/09/2021 23:45

yes and an update. He did not show up on Sunday. He did not come on the chat yesterday or today. I would be very surprised if he ever showed up again. We all like attention, me included and to be honest I got a kick out of him saying to me you are lovely and beautiful. However, I am now convinced he did not mean any of it. Certain things have now fallen into place that makes him seem fishy.

When I asked for another photo of himself, he said oh they are on my other computer and I will sort them

When I hinted that he could see me in a particular dress, he said but where would we go so that you could wear such a posh dress.

I have now deleted the only photo of himself that he sent me Its people like him that make you not want to trust men again

OP posts:
Original poster
essexgirl58 · 21/09/2021 23:49

@Pinkbonbon

He sounds far too full on op. Love bombers want to talk 24/7. Its not because they like you, it's because they need to to like them. They need the attention.

I think it's a good thing he has vanished. Don't speak to him again.

Plenty more fish in the see.

Come on!! Money??? I am not that stupid
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 00:06

I think you meant to quote the poster before me there op.

TwatInTinFoil · 22/09/2021 08:35

Just block.him op

Original poster
essexgirl58 · 22/09/2021 12:29

yes Pink and for the record I would NEVER part with any money from a stranger online. I may have fallen for his sweet talk but I would not hand over any money.

A friend of mine met someone abroad. He said he loved her and wanted to marry her and come an live in UK. She paid for his airline ticket and he came and lived with her after they got married abaord. Guess what? they are now divorced. He stayed out late and flirted wit her friends including me. He just wanted a mug to get him to te UK at their expense and he was not someone she met online. She met him in person and my frirend is a very good hearted person and really loved him and put her heart and soul into trying to make that relationship work. No wonder some women are turning into lesbians. I do not think lesbians are this deceiptful and nasty but who knows Unfortunately I cannot block this man because blocking does not wor on the site as I have tried it with others but what I can do is ignore him from now on. If he does approach me again, I am going to ask for a full explanation and say I know that he is a scammer an just see what he says to that and then I will say, I do not want to ever chat with you again because you totally took me for a ride

OP posts:
Addicted2LoveIsland · 22/09/2021 12:40

I think you are reading way too much into it and becoming too attached. You have only been talking. I would get on the sites and match with more people; chat to them as well.

I wouldn't worry about what your friend says. We are all different.

Addicted2LoveIsland · 22/09/2021 12:41

I also agree that 3 weeks is a long time to be chatting. Usually if you get on you meet up, even for a little coffee.

Original poster
essexgirl58 · 22/09/2021 13:24

@Addicted2LoveIsland

I also agree that 3 weeks is a long time to be chatting. Usually if you get on you meet up, even for a little coffee.
Well I still chat on the site to people. If he turns up he turns up and I will tell him exxactly what I think and that I am no pushover. However, it is frightening to think that I only saw him for what he really is after I posted about it on here. If I had not posted on here I would still have thought he was Mr Wonderful good looking guy who I am going to have this wonderul relationship with and fall in love. My friends said would you kiss him if he wanted you to and I said yes beause I fancy him

Now that is a scary thought. I should know better. I am not some 20 year old

OP posts:
notlongtillxmas · 22/09/2021 17:05

"No wonder some women are turning into lesbians. I do not think lesbians are this deceiptful and nasty but who knows "

I have no words

TheFoundations · 22/09/2021 23:50

@essexgirl58

Your understanding of homosexuality is inaccurate, naive, and insulting.

Women don't 'turn into' lesbians because men treat them badly.

Lesbians can't be labelled either 'deceiptful' or 'nasty' because lesbians are individuals, and not some homogenous mass.

Addicted2LoveIsland · 24/09/2021 09:26

I cannot believe how over attached you got to a guy who you were only chatting to online. OK he didn't didn't up but you're actually going to waste your breath on telling him how pissed off you are and how you are not a push over? Does it matter and would he even care? He doesn't owe you anything anyway. I agree its terrible to just not show up when it is easy enough to send a message and cancel. I wouldn't waste my breath I'd just move on.

I find it hard to believe you are 50. I don't even think this post is real. It read as if you were 18. "My mate said..." "This bloke..." Either way bad form