Where did you find your fwb?

[FindingTheImpossible]

I have changed my user name for this.

Where does a woman find a fwb?

I have decided at 48, that I don't want a regular
relationship but I also don't want a sex only relationship.
What I'm looking for is a (male) friend who I have sex with. A man who doesn't only message when he is horny, who understands the friendship side is just as important as any benefits.

I have no one in my life who I could consider as a potential fwb, for various reasons.

Have tried fab swingers but no luck.

So any woman who has found a decent fwb (but not through fab swingers or someone you already knew) tell me how you did it.

Obviously there will be those who don't agree with fwb etc. you don't need to post as that is not what this thread is about.

@MoneyMachine
Yeah, my problem is my feelings get in the way before I even think about sleeping with them. Tbh, that’s probably why I haven’t been with many (

Found mine on Tinder and bumble. Said what we wanted from the outset. Works perfectly. Couldn’t be more happy.

I've never had one but somewhere I used to work at, the department Team Leader was fwb with most of the women he managed, even though he had a long distance girlfriend and most of his female staff were in relationships or married. He had a particular fondness for new starters.

@CosmicUnicorn FB or FWB only works if you can have sex without emotions.
I know a lot of people can't but I find it easy , I think its because I'm emotionally unavailable.

Even though one of my FWB's became more I still only care about him the same as when we were FWB, we haven't declared undying love for each other, we just bumble along in our relationship in a way that works for us.

@notelegant That sounds like FB (fuck buddy) rather than FWB.

@CosmicUnicorn you remind me of me couple of years ago. Always in committed relationships, never had ONS, always needed to have feelings for someone in order to have sex. Which wasnt even that good.
I made it change - because I realised life is too short to overthink a basic human need for sex. And it is very liberating!

@SortingItOut
Emotions. Yes. That’s why I couldn’t do it. I’m too emotionally involved.

@CosmicUnicorn when you say emotionally involved.. what type of emotions / thoughts bother you?

@FindingTheImpossible also, when on fab, trust your gut. If the guy puts his foot wrong, does not engage or reply the way you expect - bin immediately. It’s about a respectful arrangement with someone who is on the same page as you and can communicate well

@MoneyMachine
Hard to explain. I guess that I really have to like them and get that heart sinking feeling if they ain’t around. I guess I’m a dreamer.

@CosmicUnicorn are you single at the moment? I still would not consider to sleep with someone I don’t like on some level - ie they need to make me laugh and come across as a decent person.
But do I need to see a future with this person? No

@MoneyMachine
Yes, I am going through a divorce after ending a sexless marriage. I wasn’t attracted to him, no connection - hence why I probably couldn’t go near him.

@CosmicUnicorn I really understand your situation, I was in similar place myself.

I really wanted sex so I found a guy, he was a nice enough person, not entirely my type but I went for it. I felt so nervous and uncomfortable but I did it and I enjoyed it. Driving back home I did not feel regret - I felt an overwhelming relief. I slept with him only few times. It was part of my healing and also helped me gather my courage to go out and ask for sex when I want it

I have reappropriated existing friends.

Wouldn't meet a new man and expect friendship and sex.

I think @GreyCarpet is right. If you already have genuine friend(s) who can meet your needs, it can be a positive way forward. That way you having sex combined with mutual trust and respect.

Some will tell you that it will alter the friendship, but friendships do evolve with time anyway.

Mine was through a friend of a friend, although it was the friend that connected us originally, me and the friend then got talking and after a bit one conversation about ourselves started to go down the road of , what our preferences and activities we had tried, then the next sorta set of questions were leading towards setting an agreement up.

On the tube - Piccadilly line to be specific

Man maybe I should try this. I did it before. And actually it was quite a good idea. Didn’t like him enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him. But it helped.

Hmmmm. I don’t know. I still feel uncomfortable about it. I had a look at Fab last night - didn’t create an account or anything - and it just felt so wrong, like I was browsing the Arg*s catologue and choosing what I wanted without any feelings attached to it. I really don’t think I could do that but, I guess being with the same man since university has made me like that even though it was a sexless marriage (my doing, he was rubbish at it anyway).

I’d have to be really attracted to them to - not just sexually but also them as a person and how we connected.

*too

I'm in the throes of arranging this, from Tinder. We discussing boundaries at present.

I've been out of my marriage for just over a year, I've been on OLD for about 3/4 weeks. It's been like a de-conditioning process. Even just swiping Right was a big deal for me. 4 weeks on I'm now comfortable enough with this.

All the way through I've reminded myself that I'm in control, I owe them nothing and I've asserted my boundaries throughout.

So maybe work up to it. POF is pretty manic and you can chat on there with randoms without matching.

OkCupid and Bumble here.

But I wasn't necessarily after a FWB more a non-monogamous relationship. So I want the emotional connection too not just the sex. I just don't want to think that I'm stuck with just one person for the rest of my life.

Op, I hope you're aware that most men will allow you to build an illusion of aconnection? Give you what you need (the friends bit/friendship rid bit to have access to sex? I was sat down by my ex partner now a good friend who explained to me the mechanics of a 'FWB' illusion. They will say anything, any story you want to hear so that you allow access to sex. Apparently there is very rarely a cross over, of course there are exceptions, for a woman to be a friend and a fuck buddy. Women often think they can f*k a man into 'liking' her, even for a FWB arrangement. Once you mark yourself out on this way, a cow giving free milk, you will be treated as nothing more than a cum sock.

I spent some time on Fab also had a on/off 'real' relationship with someone off there for 2 years, so speak from experience. FWB/relationship experience was an interesting but a volatile one, not sure if I'd repeat it...it was just as taxing as a full on relationship in a different way. Not sure what advice to give, sorry for being negative...