Secret emails to his ex

[Adviceneed9]

For context, my partner and I have been together for nearly two years, and we have a 4 month old baby.
Last week, I went on our shared ipad to find my dp had left his emails open on safari, I noticed an email from a female’s name that I did not recognise, so being curious I had a look.
It was general chit chat, but my dp had been leaving lots of kisses to sign off the email (I’m talking 8 or 9) This didn’t sit right with me, as it was not a relative I think kisses are inappropriate. The email history said that they had exchanged emails 170 times in the past 18 months, although all had been deleted apart from the one I came across.

I decided to wait to see how it played out, and yesterday my suspicions were realised when I found out the following;

1. She was an ex from 8 years ago
2. The content of the emails involved saying things such as missing her, saying they were good together, that could’ve had a life together, will meet up when local again etc etc.
3. He had not mentioned me or his child once in any of the emails.

So yesterday I confronted him about all this, told him how hurt, upset and humiliated I am that he would do this throughout the whole time we have been together, even the month when I gave birth to his daughter he had remained in contact.

I get “I’m sorry, I did a bad thing” “you need to get over it” “Its not like I went with another woman” “I made a mistake” and conveniently he does not remember what he said in these emails.
I feel like he is invalidating my feelings, trying to brush it off like its not important. In my eyes, one message is a mistake, 170 messages over our entire relationship is more than that. This is an ex from a short lived relationship 8 years ago, who he should’ve moved on from long ago, he does not understand how upset and hurt and how he has broken my trust. He thinks saying sorry is good enough and I should forgive and forget. I’m starting to second guess myself, like I’m the one making a big deal out of nothing, but I feel like our whole relationship has been based on a lie.

I don’t know where to go from here, or how to move on from this. He wants me to act normal and tells me if I’m in a mood with him every day over this he will walk away because he can’t live like that.

I would just like some impartial advice so I can rationalise this in my head.

@Marieg1990

Well yes he has made a mistake but that's what he is saying as he has been caught! He is having an affair, at least emotional at the minimum.

Bottom line is he is looking and when a better offer comes along you will be dumped. I wouldn't wait for that.

I agree with this 150%

Thus dudes got serious issues, coldly knocking up a woman while clearly not over a short relationship from EIGHT YEARS ago.

No way do you need to be carrying him around in life - focus on you and baby.

He wasn’t sorry when you didn’t know.

A lie is a lie and looks like emotional affair which to me is equally as tactless. By remaining in the relationship you are inflicting pain on yourself as you will always, from now on, be looking at everything he does

Thank you for all the support on this thread. Just wanting to update, the ex did in fact respond to my email. The gist of it being that she does not wish to tell me the content of the emails, that betrayal and guilt are the most painful things to live with and her morals will not allow her to cause me this.
I have since found out from him that he left this ex for another woman 8 years ago and that she wanted answers, however why this conversation would need to take 18 months I do not know…
I asked him, although he does not remember what he said, did you say things that you shouldn’t have (such as missing her, wanting to see her etc) and apparently he only said these things because he felt sorry for her, and felt bad about how he left her. He says its in the past and I should forgive and forget. But he was the one bringing this into our present.
I am paranoid, hurt and don’t like the version on myself that this situation has made me become right now. My priority is looking after our baby so I am just trying to numb myself from it all.

Leave him. Yesterday. Seriously. He has form. Closing ranks with the ex too. See how she has tried to manipulate you too? Take control. I’m sorry this has happened to you, don’t let it continue to.

Wow you’re so much less betrayed because all the details of what he said are secret, and I’ll only tell you that you would feel betrayed (not sure about guilty- why would you feel any guilt, think she’s talking about her and him there) so you should feel so much better about that PHEW.
His ex is an idiot and you would be better off without him. Even if what he said is true - If he will tell her he should have stayed with her just to make her feel better imagine what crap he would make up for you since you’re having his baby and in theory the one he is in an actual relationship with. You’ll never be able to trust him saying I love you again.