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Original poster

Quick poll - do you think this is OK or not?

38 replies

OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 12:07

Been seeing someone since about Feb. Known him for a couple of years.

I'm going out with one of his friends this evening to a social event. He knows and is fine with it. His friend and I obviously don't see any problem with it.

But I've been surprised at the responses of other people that it's 'just wrong'. I don't know his friend well - we've met about half a dozen times or so but it was something that came up in conversation that we both fancied doing and didn't know anyone else who did. So we're going together.

Do you personally think this is OK?

(Will be doing it anyway! Just curious Smile)

OP posts:
fidgetmad · 15/09/2021 12:09

I think it's fine. Different if it was being done in secret

Sampafie · 15/09/2021 12:10

Will be doing it anyway! Just curious

So you want posters to post their - maybe opposing - opinions so you can go back and forth with them about why its not a problem to either you, your boyfriend or the man youre going out with?
Is there nothing else to do until you meet him?

Olivegreenstrawberries · 15/09/2021 12:10

I think it's fine. Unless one of you fancies eachother.

Justcallmebebes · 15/09/2021 12:18

If it's out in the open then yes, fine

Original poster
OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 12:21

@Sampafie

Will be doing it anyway! Just curious

So you want posters to post their - maybe opposing - opinions so you can go back and forth with them about why its not a problem to either you, your boyfriend or the man youre going out with?
Is there nothing else to do until you meet him?

No. I said I was going anyway to point out that a back and forth wouldn't be necessary, just curious about how other people would see it. The way you might have a lighthearted conversation with your friends without it needing to be the serious debate of the century.

I tend to agree with if neither person fancies the other there's not a problem. It has been suggested that he and I are being disrespectful by going.

OP posts:
MurielSpriggs · 15/09/2021 12:24

Yes it's fine. (AIBU voting might have been a better way to do it.)

Original poster
OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 12:27

It might but I'm not brave enough for AIBU Grin

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 15/09/2021 12:36

If it's a group thing you are both going to then I think its fine. But no way would I want my partner going out somewhere with my friend on their own
I would absolutley find it weird and disrespectful. Unless they had become your friend too over a long period of time. But the way you've worded it, no.

Echobelly · 15/09/2021 12:38

It's fine - I think some people assume just because they can't be 'just friends' with the opposite sex (and I think someone people can't), therefore no one else can be either.

Original poster
OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 12:40

@Pinkbonbon

If it's a group thing you are both going to then I think its fine. But no way would I want my partner going out somewhere with my friend on their own I would absolutley find it weird and disrespectful. Unless they had become your friend too over a long period of time. But the way you've worded it, no.
That's pretty much been the opinion of the majority of my friends.

I was just a bit surprised.

OP posts:
Original poster
OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 12:42

The man I'm seeing has a few female friends. One or two he meets up with for solo lunches and walks. One I've met the other I haven't.

I don't have a problem with that. So it doesn't feel like an issue to me. Just interesting to hear other people's views on it.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 15/09/2021 12:45

I think some people here are only saying it's ok because they are not thinking how they would feel if the roles were reversed and they were in that situation.

You would be cool with your partner going to a party or a bar or a gig with your female friend? Any out of all of the female friends you've had in your life? ...yeah...doubt it!

I mean, tbf, it depends somewhat on the gf and in the friend. But if he says it would be uncomfortable for him, I don't get why you wouldn't respect that.

MurielSpriggs · 15/09/2021 12:46

Those who don't like it: either they don't think the partner is to be trusted, in which case I think the relationship is dead. Or they do trust their partner, but they think the rest of the world thinks they shouldn't trust their partner, and that's important to them, which I think is just weird!

Trisolaris · 15/09/2021 12:46

It would be fine with me.

Let’s say there is a metal concert coming up. I’m not going to enjoy that but would go along because my partner is and I know he would love it. We suddenly find out a friend of mine that he sort of knows absolutely loves metal when we are all at dinner together. Great! They can go together, and I get a chilled evening listening to music I like! I’d only be unhappy if either of them lied to me about it or were weird about it.

Pinkbonbon · 15/09/2021 12:49

@OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon

The man I'm seeing has a few female friends. One or two he meets up with for solo lunches and walks. One I've met the other I haven't.

I don't have a problem with that. So it doesn't feel like an issue to me. Just interesting to hear other people's views on it.

If it doesn't bother you, fine. Personally, I'd want to meet them at least but to each their own.

You could argue its somewhat hypocritical of him but this has the added layer of it being his friend. Its definitely weird.

girlmom21 · 15/09/2021 12:52

I can't imagine id ever go to an event with one of DP's friends I'd only met a couple of times.

In fact, I can't imagine I'd go to an event with his best friend without him or his friends wife.

Not because there's necessarily anything wrong with it, but because it'd just be weird.

Is it really niche? Wouldn't your boyfriend fancy it?

Original poster
OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 12:54

@Pinkbonbon

I think some people here are only saying it's ok because they are not thinking how they would feel if the roles were reversed and they were in that situation.

You would be cool with your partner going to a party or a bar or a gig with your female friend? Any out of all of the female friends you've had in your life? ...yeah...doubt it!

I mean, tbf, it depends somewhat on the gf and in the friend. But if he says it would be uncomfortable for him, I don't get why you wouldn't respect that.

Oh if he'd not been OK with it, I wouldn't be doing it and I don't think his friend would want to either. He doesn't have a problem with it.

I think it would be different if it had been arranged behind his back but I mentioned it to him after his friend had gone home. He then he gave me his number to arrange it so it's all above board. I wouldn't even have suggested it in front of them both in case he'd not been happy but felt pressured to agree to it.

I probably should have made that clear before.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 15/09/2021 12:57

Ah right, well if he is cool with it then its fine then!

Original poster
OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 12:59

@girlmom21

I can't imagine id ever go to an event with one of DP's friends I'd only met a couple of times.

In fact, I can't imagine I'd go to an event with his best friend without him or his friends wife.

Not because there's necessarily anything wrong with it, but because it'd just be weird.

Is it really niche? Wouldn't your boyfriend fancy it?

Ha no he really doesn't want to do it! I've asked him before.

You would be cool with your partner going to a party or a bar or a gig with your female friend? Any out of all of the female friends you've had in your life? ...yeah...doubt it!

Probably not any friend but I do have a number of close friends now and if he did something with one of them I'd be ok with it. I'd rather he did something with one of my friends knowing they'd both enjoy it than go myself if I really wouldn't.

He obviously trusts me (and his friend) and I think that's quite nice! Either that or he doesn't care Confused

OP posts:
PyjamasOClock · 15/09/2021 12:59

OP I think you've handled this fine and it sounds like your BF is happy with it.
My recent (couple of months) BF is into darts and fairly heavy rock music - if I had a female friend however longstanding with one of those interests I'd happily put them I touch and send them off, because I know it's me he fancies and wants to be with.

Tish008 · 15/09/2021 13:00

@Trisolaris

It would be fine with me.

Let’s say there is a metal concert coming up. I’m not going to enjoy that but would go along because my partner is and I know he would love it. We suddenly find out a friend of mine that he sort of knows absolutely loves metal when we are all at dinner together. Great! They can go together, and I get a chilled evening listening to music I like! I’d only be unhappy if either of them lied to me about it or were weird about it.

This
RantyAunty · 15/09/2021 15:10

Do whatever you want to do. You're not married.

Boyfriends never have a say in my home, my finances, work, children, my free time, friends.

SarahBellam · 15/09/2021 17:16

Naked sexy mud wrestling event followed by candlelit dinner? No.

Nickelback gig? Fine.

category12 · 15/09/2021 17:22

No, wouldn't have a problem with it, in theory.

Might have some pangs of insecurity in reality but that would be my issue to deal with.

Original poster
OohItsAShinyBlueBalloon · 15/09/2021 17:38

Thanks all. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it but you know when you start hearing it from friends you trust, some of whom are very level headed, it makes you wonder.

OP posts: