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Original poster

Woman thinks I'm after her husband.

32 replies

BrokenDolly · 04/12/2007 17:14

I'll try and keep it brief.

My DD joined a kickboxing class two years ago. I joined it too a few months after her.

The instructor has a daughter at the same school as my DD so we obviously speak to each other outside of training. Mostly about kickboxing, sometimes about other trivial stuff such as the weather and christmas!

A few weeks ago he came to school dripping wet through, it was pissing it down, the kids had gone into school and he mentioned that he needed to get to work in the city centre and his car was knackered. I offered him a lift (as I was going anyway) and he accepted. Afterwards, he thanked me and I thought no more of it.

Last week I decided to buy my DD some kickboxing shorts for christmas but I obviously don't want her knowing about it so I pulled instructor aside and we had what must have looked like a "private whispered conversation" at the side of the hall. A few days later he pulled me aside during the class and handed me the shorts, again secretely for DD's sake.

Anyway he's been on at me to train twice a week instead of the current once a week. A few days ago he asked me again when I'm planning to train more and I jokingly said "oh alright, after christmas I promise I'll come twice a week". He then replied with "you better!" again, jokingly.

Anyway, yesterday his wife phoned me and asked me what was going on between us. I asked her what she was on about and she replied "meeting up in the playground, he's always in your car and now private conversations during training". I was shocked and explained the situation as it is but she still wasnt happy and asked me to quit the class. Apparantly he didn't know she had phoned.

I saw him today and he did seem none the wiser, still chatting as always.

Now, do I a) quit the class (which I would hate to do as the kids would have to quit too and we love it)
b) keep going but distance myself from him of c) ignore her and carry on as always since there is genuinly nothing in it?

Am I being insensitive? surely she's kicking off over nothing or am I missing something?

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 04/12/2007 17:19

Well, who knows what history they have, or she has. Maybe he's slept with students before?

Obviously you're not up to anything, and whatever he's done in the past is not your fault!

I'd probably keep going but keep my distance, a bit.

HairyIrene · 04/12/2007 17:21

i'd keep going to class...and just keep an eye out tbh..
and be friendly but cool and not go to extra classes either..

you maybe innocently caught in crossfire of something else, or he might have a history etc..

Bessie123 · 04/12/2007 17:22

Be careful; the wife sounds like she might be a mental.

mollymawk · 04/12/2007 17:23

I would suggest (b).
How does his wife know about all this? Does she go to the class too?

PoinsettiaBouquets · 04/12/2007 17:26

I'd keep going once a week because you have nothing to hide. Increasing to twice a week would stir things up though and might encourage him if he really is a bit of a pig.

noddyholder · 04/12/2007 17:29

Either she has been here before or like others have said she is a bit nuts.Either way it isn't up to you to quit something you enjoy but it could get difficult.Why does he want you to increase your lessons?

Bessie123 · 04/12/2007 17:34

If he has cheated on her before, why is she confronting you about this rather than him? Surely she should be speaking to her husband about this, not interrogating you. She sounds like a bit of a nutcase to me.

fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 04/12/2007 17:38

Bessie, nutcase & mental are not words I would use to describe an insecure woman.

He could have a history of flirting with women..

Are you single Dolly? Perhaps she finds this threatening?

I would continue to go, but I'm afraid I would tell him about the phonecall from his wife, whether she had asked me to keep it secret or not.

PoinsettiaBouquets · 04/12/2007 17:42

Can nobody imagine how the 'nutty' lady must be feeling? She is obviously being told rumours and isn't ready to hear her DH's version yet. Some people just don't have much self-esteem and that affects their confidence in their partners. Eg he might say "yes, I'm leaving you" or he might say no and be lying. Facing off to a strange woman could be far less intimdating a prospect for her.

frostythesnowmum · 04/12/2007 17:51

I would go and tell him about the phone call and let him sort out his wife - who is obviously barking whether she is insecure or not.

Freckle · 04/12/2007 17:57

Clearly another parent has been stirring, otherwise how else does she know about these "meetings"?? Her view of the situation will have been skewed by however the news was delivered to her. If she is insecure, obviously this is going to unsettle her.

Personally I would just carry on as normal. You could perhaps speak to the instructor and let him know that other parents are telling his wife untruths and then let him deal with it.

fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 04/12/2007 17:59

Sorry, I don't think she is barking.

She has been told things, by god knows who, about her dh whispering with dolly. She wants to know what's going on & for some reason decided to ask dolly instead of her husband.

I don't know why she asked dolly & not her own husband, but I guess she has her reasons.

I feel sorry for her actually & for dolly.

I think you need to find out who is spreading rumours about you & he.

wardrobemistressakasugarfree · 04/12/2007 18:02

I think if his wife came on here with her side of the story,there would be an outcry about you.
Just try to see it from her side eh?

frostythesnowmum · 04/12/2007 18:34

She is barking to approach a strange women with no proof behind her husbands back that is just not normal rational behaviour. Don't get me wrong I sympathise that she feels the need to do this but it is not right. She should tackle her husband end of. After all he is the one that made vows to her not the op iykwim.

NineUnlovelyTinselDecorations · 04/12/2007 18:39

If this woman and/or her husband have a problem with trust and fidelity it's not your problem. Continue to do whatever classes you want to do and to behave in whatever way you think is appropriate. I'm damned if I would change my fitness/hobby to suit a strange woman with marital problems or a stirring parent at the class. I do feel sorry for the woman though, she obviously has problems of some kind with her husband, whether real or imagined.

PoinsettiaBouquets · 04/12/2007 18:48

I think it is her problem if she is likely to feel shitty if everything gets worse, even if she has done nothing wrong. She'd have no need to feel shitty but many people would anyway. Avoid potential shittiness at all times!

ScruffyTeddy · 04/12/2007 18:48

Do you know his wife? Sounds odd. You've done nothing wrong as far as I can see. There's no harm in having a hushed conversation with your dd's instructor, who wants the whole class to hear anyway? No harm in talking to him out of the class either. Did she get your phone number from the records or do you all know each other? Im genuinely puzzled.

If I was him i'd be very embarrassed. I wouldn't leave, I dont think she has the right to dictate who attends his class.

NineUnlovelyTinselDecorations · 04/12/2007 19:00

Ah now you see Poinsettia, I would not feel remotely shitty. Why should I? As long as my conscience was completely clear I would just carry on as before. But then I'm not the jealous type and I have a hard time understanding other people who are.

Original poster
BrokenDolly · 04/12/2007 19:43

I don't know her that well but we are on speaking terms in a way. She attends the class too and reckons he spends more time "correcting" me than anyone else. He was also with her when he was going on about me increasing my classes which...like I said to her, if it was sinister he wouldn't have said it in front of her, surely?

The reason he wants me to up my classes is because he feels that people don't get the benefit out of only training once a week but he says this to everyone, I heard him telling a bloke the same thing last week.

But yes, I am single.

OP posts:
ScruffyTeddy · 04/12/2007 19:44

Yes thats much how I feel. I dont really do jealousy and find it hard to understand.

I think though if I was the op i'd probably feel slightly uncomfortable and a bit miffed. Its awful to be accused of something you haven't done. I still wouldn't leave the class however.

ScruffyTeddy · 04/12/2007 19:47

Dolly, what does she think you leaving the class would achieve exactly? If you were "having an affair" then you leaving the class would make no difference whatsoever...surely?

How did she get your phone number?

Original poster
BrokenDolly · 04/12/2007 19:54

it must have been through the club contact details. She's never liked me though, I could tell that as soon as I joined the class. She used to laugh at me when I did stuff wrong.

OP posts:
Elizabetth · 04/12/2007 19:56

Maybe she can tell he's interested in you. Do her a sisterly favour and keep your distance.

NineUnlovelyTinselDecorations · 04/12/2007 20:06

But Elizabeth, if Dolly isn't interested in him and doesn't encourage him, even if the man was interested there would be nothing for this woman to worry about. I don't think it does jealous people any favours to let them isolate their partner from other people just in case. It's their problem not Dolly's. Why should she do her a favour when she has been horrible to Dolly?

ScruffyTeddy · 04/12/2007 20:16

Elizabetth..even if he was interested, that's not the op's fault surely? Their private life is nothing to do with her.

I think it could be difficult to keep a distance from your instructor/father of child at same school. If she leaves the class, wouldn't that come across as guilt?

What kind of club is this? My ds goes to Karate and his instructor at one point, encouraged (tried to encourage) some of the mums to join. Its a large club with many instructors. Im sorry, if ds's instructor's wife phoned me I would be making a complaint!!