Dating advice for weekend dad?

[Arizona823]

Hi All,

I'm a guy early 30s with two young children who stay with me every weekend Friday till Sunday.

It just dawned on me that I may struggle to find the time to go on dates.

Do you have any advice or expierance with this situation?

How permanent is that contact pattern? It could make a relationship quite tricky.

It's a permanent situation, which is my choice.

I'm a mum on the other side of your arrangement and have chosen to only pursue casual relationships due to this and not wanting to blend

I think you’ll find it virtually impossible to have a relationship. Most parents have their kids every other weekend.

I would focus on finding someone without children or older independent children that you can date during the week nights, unlikely to work if a woman also has young children during the week as she may struggle to get a babysitter.

Look for casual with other single parents
And find a babysitter !?
They won’t be Small forever

The only situation I could think working is if I happen to meet someone at a local event and we date during week evenings.
Although I'm guessing that rules out dating any mums.

How would a women feel about dating a man with my kinds of availability?

This wouldn't have bothered me when u was single as my weekends were super busy so actually I had more time to date Mon-Thur.

However once things start to get a bit more serious, never being able to come to events with family or friends, never being able to have a whole day together, a lazy morning in bed etc would start to grate.
I guess it depends on if you'd want to introduce a partner eventually and whether there any flexibility at all

I wouldn’t date you with that sort of availability myself because I prefer to date at weekends. There would be no nice long mornings in bed together unless it was during annual leave, or nights out at the weekend or day trips etc - unless again i used my leave for it.

Week evenings you can never really let go too much as you have to be up and about for work in the morning. So it would be a dating life with early nights and fun times at the weekend very restricted.

Also i’d feel a bit sorry for your co-parent who never got a single weekend with their children. Why did you and their mother come to this agreement? Seems like a shit deal for you, her and the kids as she gets no time at weekends really with the kids and you get no downtime kid free at the weekend.

It just dawned on me that I may struggle to find the time to go on dates.

It's only just dawned on you? Really?

Why not go post on one of the many many online dating sites stating you are only available during the week?

Top tip: Mumsnet is not one of these sites.

Why don't you discuss with the other parent another arrangement where you could do alternative weekends giving both of you weekends for fun with and without children

I'm in the same situation as you OP and date and have flings during part of the week and then my child is with me at the weekend. I really like it. I do occasionally get invited to something at the weekends and then I get family members to help out.

Go on dates mostly during the week, occasionally ask friends or family to babysit at the weekend. If your partner doesn’t understand that your kids come first they’re not for you anyway.

Thanks all for the advice and sharing your experience!

Ok I have a plan. On some weeks, I'll take the kids for a few days during the week instead of the weekend.
I work from home so its doable.

My dcs dad lives in Ireland so only has them some holidays. I do have an older dc who can baby sit though so week days would be fine with me

My husband had this arrangement when he and his ex wife split up.

He eventually went to every other weekend as he too needed/wanted a weekend social life and to re-connect with his friends.

Every other weekend for me just seems like too much time away from the kids!
And too much of a burden on the mum!

Well why not do a 5050 arrangement? Every other weekend, and 3 or 4 days alternate weeks.
No " burden " for anyone , you get the same?

I'm a mum with my 2 young kids all the time and have just started trying ti date. Right now I'm doing a mixture of day time dates and then once I've been comfortable with someone having them over in the evenings while the kids are asleep although I've only done that once and then doing the odd evening out, when I can get babysitters.
I've found folk who have kids are more understanding

Does your kids mum not want some weekend time with them? I wouldn’t want to date someone who is totally unavailable every weekend, no. Though I do date during the week. You might want to think about a fixed rota of “off-weekends” so you and your ex can plan accordingly.
For me the ideal (as a Mum of 4 teens who live with me full time) is a single man with no kids and very free weekends. He is able (and willing bless him) to work round my commitments but understands my kids will sometimes take priority.

I wouldn’t date you with that sort of availability myself because I prefer to date at weekends. There would be no nice long mornings in bed

That sounds less like dating and more like a relationship

Just be wary of your "plan" to have the kids during the week instead if your planning a date for the weekend. If you have been having them every weekend and it's been your choice up until now because it suited you, you may find the kids mum not happy at being messed about with random changes to the arrangements.

Your ex may be lovely and happy to adapt. I will say having been on her side of things it does get annoying when my DCs dad bullied me into agreeing to every weekend as that's what suited him (I hated it as got no fun time with DC) and then when he wanted to go on dates would arrange them then tell me he wasnt have the DC that weekend and I would have to get babysitters etc and change plans last minute.

It's best for the kids to have a set routine, and you're also entitled to have a social life and to date. If I was you I would try for every other weekend and a night during the week.

My boyfriend has his son Sat am to Sun evening as well as 2 evenings in the week.
When we met as FWB I met him during the week as my DD came to mine Fri -Mon,my DD isnow an adult so it doesn't matter as much.

I see my boyfriend 1 - 3 times per week (depending on work/hobbies) and love having weekends to myself.
Last year we did 1 weekend together for our anniversary, this year we have done 2 Saturday afternoon/night together and he saw his son Sat am and Sun pm/evening.

I love the fact my boyfriend puts his son above me and is a great dad.

Some women don't mind weekday dating and some will mind.
The main thing is to be clear early on what your availability is.

Why would you change your childrens routine just so you can date?
Children need stability and to know what they are doing, not to be at the whim of a woman he wants to date.

@Arizona823 why’s it too much burden on the mum to do every other weekend but not on you? Why does the mum get every single weekend to do whatever she wants but every single weekend you have the kids? Im genuinely wondering if there’s a reason for this? In my opinion if you have your kids every single weekend it would be very difficult to have any other than casual flings.