Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating advice for weekend dad?

52 replies

Arizona823 · 13/09/2021 16:57

Hi All,

I'm a guy early 30s with two young children who stay with me every weekend Friday till Sunday.

It just dawned on me that I may struggle to find the time to go on dates.

Do you have any advice or expierance with this situation?

OP posts:
Northeastsouthwest21 · 13/09/2021 18:56

*anything other

SunbathingDragon · 13/09/2021 18:58

There are a lot of people who work weekends and have a couple of weekdays off instead so it could work out fine.

CiaoForNiao · 13/09/2021 19:03

I have older dc so can date whenever so it wouldn't bother me in that regard.

But I would wonder why you thought it was ok for you to have every weekend, and therefore all the "fun" time. While your ex does all the day to day weekday slog. Although it's possible she's happy with that.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 13/09/2021 19:03

When I met my husband he had his kids two weekends plus alternating Fridays and Saturdays. That way both parents got some free weekend time. I wouldn't have dated him if he was never free on a weekend.

CharlotteRose90 · 13/09/2021 19:13

I personally wouldn’t date someone with that sort of availability but only because I love weekend dates and going away for long weekends. I have dated men with kids in the past who had all sorts of arrangements but not a weekend one.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2021 20:01

[quote Northeastsouthwest21]@Arizona823 why’s it too much burden on the mum to do every other weekend but not on you? Why does the mum get every single weekend to do whatever she wants but every single weekend you have the kids? Im genuinely wondering if there’s a reason for this? In my opinion if you have your kids every single weekend it would be very difficult to have any other than casual flings.[/quote]
Because EOW means she has them two extra days a fortnight so a run of 12 days alone whereas he'd be dropping his contact time by half? Some dad's do want to see heir kids

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 14/09/2021 10:48

I had this arrangement plus 1-2 days during the week.
I just dated during the week, it was fine for casual dating.

In fact, I met Mrs. Huff on a Tuesday night, then we dated Monday-Thursday for a while.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 14/09/2021 17:43

When my oldest was little I had a job where i worked late fri and sat so dc went to his dads every weekend. Not everyone has weekends off to spend quality time with the dc every weekend

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 14/09/2021 17:45

At weekends, not every weekend

Mymapuddlington · 14/09/2021 17:49

I’m a single mum and haven’t had a date in many years because I have a child. A man who loves his kids and actually wants to spend time with them would be a big tick for me. I work from home though so weeknights work for me. I suppose it’s just about meeting the right person whose life fits in with yours and vice versa

PumpkinKlNG · 14/09/2021 17:50

I Am a lone parent so with my kids 24/7 so can’t date, people have suggested I can date while their at school but not sure how that would work, If you’re free all week then I don’t see why you can’t date during the week. It will work.

Rosieandjim04 · 14/09/2021 17:54

I would do one day at the weekend so Friday Or Saturday night alternating night then a night during the week. So you aren't going so long without seeing the kids I would talk to your ex about it.

Keepitonthedownlow · 14/09/2021 17:59

Anything is possible

PumpkinKlNG · 14/09/2021 18:03

Why are people saying he should see his kids less and only have them every other weekend, going 2 weeks between seeing your kids is a really long time!

Mymapuddlington · 14/09/2021 18:10

Mumsnet dating site anyone?!

Feelingoktoday · 14/09/2021 18:10

When I first started dating I didn’t have weekends free. We took it slowly and met a couple of evenings a week. Eventually I paid for a baby sitter a few times. Now my children are older and can be left.

BasicDad · 14/09/2021 18:19

I don't like permanent weekend arrangements for children, as they rarely get to spend quality weekend time with one of their parents.

Sharing weekends is best, with some time allotted in the week days if possible. Everyone is of course different.

TheHouseIsOnFire · 14/09/2021 18:32

When I met my DP he has his DCs every weekend, and came to see me on a Sunday evening. TBH it was annoying as he would spend all weekend hanging out with his kids and wider family, cooking them all dinner and being sociable, while I don’t really have close family or friends so spent it alone with my kids every weekend. And then I got the tired-from-work evening version who would collapse on the sofa and sleep while I would cook for him. If we ever wanted a weekend away for birthday or anniversary etc there would be multiple calls from the DC complaining that it was supposed to be their day and why were they with their mum and not him etc. I nearly finished with him over it as it became incredibly wearing always feeling guilty for trying to “steal him away from his kids” whenever I wanted more than a weekday evening with him.

Now they’re older and since WFH he’s been spending all weekend with me and back at home during the work week, which has been lovely.

I don’t understand why parents wouldn’t want a more equal mix of weekdays and weekends - why is it one or the other? What made you decide it should be all of every weekend when you first sorted access arrangements? And why do you think it’s ok to change them now because it suits you, regardless of whether it works for your ex? Presumably she has agreed to this pattern and is now working her life around it. You really need to discuss an arrangement that works for both of you and the DCs not unilaterally decide when you’re seeing them so that you can get a shag.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 14/09/2021 19:39

How about being flexible, arrangements can always be changed.
We have alternate weeks now, my ex wife messaged me on Friday, could I have them an extra 3 days.
Yep, of course.
Arrangements, and relations are easier when everyone is chilled.

Palavah · 14/09/2021 19:43

@PumpkinKlNG

Why are people saying he should see his kids less and only have them every other weekend, going 2 weeks between seeing your kids is a really long time!
There are 5 non-weekend days every week. Why should OP have all the weekends and their mum only have the school drudge and not have any weekend time with the kids?
TheHouseIsOnFire · 14/09/2021 19:49

Nobody is saying that Op should see his DCs less, just that he should see them less on weekends. IF that suits the kids and the ex, that is. If everyone else is perfectly happy with this set up that HE instigated then maybe he should just leave well alone and worry about how he’s going to manage dating as a secondary consideration.

TBH I find the whole “I have my kids every weekend all weekend - how will I manage dating?! … Oh I know, I’ll just swap and let the ex wife have them all weekend instead” a bit disingenuous. It’s not exactly a hard one to solve if the ex is on board with being flexible. Just makes me wonder whether any of this has been talked through or whether OP just goes round arranging things to suit himself.

NannyOggsward · 14/09/2021 20:02

This is why as a working single mum with a non existent ex. I’m 6 years single. Nothing works long term as you can’t ever invest the time, unless you blend kids really fast or take too much time (and money for sitters and hotels) away from them.

It’s shit and selfish of the other parent.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 14/09/2021 20:07

Hate that word drudge, awful descriptor of life with children.

PumpkinKlNG · 14/09/2021 20:11

There are 5 non-weekend days every week.
Why should OP have all the weekends and their mum only have the school drudge and not have any weekend time with the kids?

My sister had this set up and she was happy with it, she saw the weekend as time to date/meet up with friend have a break etc she spent time with her son in the holidays not even parent wants to have the weekend you don’t know the reason he doesn’t have the kids on the weekdays maybe he lives too far to do the school run etc

Laladell · 16/09/2021 14:50

My ex had his son fri til sunday and it never bothered me tbh, I'd be open to dating someone with that kind of arrangement again, kids are an important part of someone's life I'd be glad to be seeing someone who understands the importance of this, and I believe if they like you enough they will be willing to understand and work around it

Swipe left for the next trending thread