Little Blue Pills

[LV2NY]

I have been dating a really lovely guy for 18 months. We are committed and serious and see a future together. This is long term plans as I have children and about 8 months ago he had to move for work so we are now long distance.
Sex life from day one has been wonderful, no concerns really that couldn’t be put down to his inexperience and being quite shy/reserved about sex. Things have got better and better.
In the weekend I helped him shift house. I was packing towels into a box and at the back of the cupboard was an empty prescription box. It was for Viagra. The date on the box was for 3 weeks after we started having sex. I then checked his toilet bag and found more in there. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I would never have ever guessed based on his behaviour or our sex life that would suggest it. I couldn’t ask him about it at the time as he was at the new house unloading furniture. When he got back we were busy and he was very stressed from the move so there never seemed a good time to bring it up. I came home without discussing it with him. Because I was so shocked about it I discussed it with a friend, she started dating a guy at a similar time to me. I have decided to let him have his privacy on this issue and not bring it up. She thinks it’s deceitful of him to not tell me he is taking them and that discussing this with me would be normal. Him taking them is not affecting our sex life in any way and he might find me knowing distressing. I know for sure he doesn’t take them every time but the length of time of our relationship shows it’s an on going issue that he has sorted out. He knows how important this part of our relationship is to me and it must be so embarrassing to have to go to the doctor and chemist for them. I feel badly for him that he has this problem and the way he has resolved it shows he cares about me. I think it’s completely understandable given how private and reserved he is to keep this to himself. Would you find this acceptable or is my friend right?

On the one hand, it's nice to feel close enough to someone that they'd tell you about medications that they're on. On the other, it can be a sensitive subject to some men, and it's not something that needs to be shared. It's not like he's got an STI or something that affects you. And you should be grateful that you've got a man who's got the balls to accept he's got an issue and seek medical assistance - a lot of blokes would just suffer in silence.

And just look at how the OP's friend has reacted - that's the exact sort of reason that a man would keep this matter quiet from his partner. Because some women would take it as a slight on them that their partner needs viagra, when in reality that's not how it works at all.

The nearest analogy I can think of (and it's not that close), would be for a woman who's taking HRT meds. Would it be wrong to not tell a new partner about that?

And he might just have it as an insurance policy anyway, a confidence booster, rather than being reliant on it. Is it definitely Sildenafil (viagra), and not Tadalafil? They work slightly differently, and Tadalafil is more subtle - it's longer lasting and low doses can even just be taken as a one a day ongoing medication, rather than the 'on demand' basis of viagra.

I used viagra in a generic way, the script from 18 months ago was Silvasta. I can’t remember the name of the more recent script but I think it started with G.

Believe me I do feel grateful, I actually can’t think of any reason to bring it up that will be beneficial to me. As another poster said unless it becomes a problem I will pretend I never found them.

Unless it effects your relationship why would he tell you? It’s like telling you every time he takes a painkiller for a headache, pointless and unnecessary really 🤷‍♀️

@LV2NY

I appreciate your input but won’t have a bad word said against NiceGerbil, she is one of my few supporters!!

Everyone that's commented has offered you support in one form or another. NiceGerbil has given you an ill informed opinion based on her own thoughts rather than actual known scientific facts!

I told her because I was so shocked and she calmed me down.

Goodness. That's a massive over reaction to a prescribed medication. You acting like he's shooting up heroin

I would be very disappointed if a partner had found something personal of mine then told his friend about it.
Your friend sounds very opinionated and don’t even know why you would have told her about something that in reality has nothing to do with you. You say how much you think of him but you don’t sound like you respect him very much

@Fluffypastelslippers

I told her because I was so shocked and she calmed me down.

Goodness. That's a massive over reaction to a prescribed medication. You acting like he's shooting up heroin

Yes but my question in the thread was not about whether or not I over reacted but whether my friend was being unreasonable in her opinion that my partner should have told me from the beginning that he was using viagra. How I wish I had worded my initial post differently!!

@Hopingforabagofbuttons

I would be very disappointed if a partner had found something personal of mine then told his friend about it. Your friend sounds very opinionated and don’t even know why you would have told her about something that in reality has nothing to do with you. You say how much you think of him but you don’t sound like you respect him very much

I agree with this. And I can’t imagine any woman would be happy to find out her partner had snooped and found her oestrogen cream and then gone to his best friend to discuss how aroused she gets and how ‘shocked’ he is at the fact that she uses it as he hasn’t noticed any problem. He would rightly be called disrespectful and disloyal for doing so.

Yes but my question in the thread was not about whether or not I over reacted but whether my friend was being unreasonable in her opinion that my partner should have told me from the beginning that he was using viagra. How I wish I had worded my initial post differently!!

But your over reaction led to your friend having any opinion. However you worded it your friend is only BU because of your bizarre reaction.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with his not telling you. If he uses it for performance anxiety it might stress him out to know you might be wondering if it’s going to be ok or if he’s really turned on and bingo.... more performance anxiety, which means it won’t work. If he’s at all embarrassed about it I can pretty much guarantee that asking him about it will take him ages to pluck up the courage to have sex again
and the risk i of it not working would go sky high. It’s his business really and he’s having great sex with you and happy. No problem here!
I wouldn’t worry about feeling sorry for him being embarrassed to go to the doctor’s about it, he might not be anyway, but also you can get it via an online pharmacist without seeing or talking to anyone and it arrives in the post. You have to pay the non-NHS prescription price for it though.
On the other issue, I talk to my best friend about absolutely anything and I’m pretty sure I’d have told her this if I wanted her opinion, but then I have known her for nearly 50 years and trust her with my life. If she was worried about her husband’s health or had found something of his in the medicine cabinet that concerned or surprised her I know she’d want to run it by me.

Where I live you can get viagra in a chemist without a prescription. I always see ads for it.

I am surprised you thought it worthy of a) being shocked and b) running to your friend.

I'd say he would be mortified if he knew you'd done that.