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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OH spotted with another woman. What to think?

38 replies

chelsiekxoxo · 11/09/2021 22:43

A bit of background, i caught my OH in May having secret snapchat conversations with a girl he used to sleep with. This girl has always disliked me and has made that known in the past. We have been together for nearly 7 years and as far as I know the last time they saw each other was just before we met. I was devastated when I found that he'd had all of these conversations behind my back and obviously he didn't tell me what they were about etc so I did some digging and messaged her on his Snapchat account which she spilled a lot and it was clear the type of conversations they were having. He promised he'd never do it again etc and I forgave him after he had left for a few weeks (7 months pregnant at the time). Fast forward to now and I have recently been told that last week OH was seen at the pub with another woman. They were quite close (close enough for my friends sister to assume we'd split). Its not the woman from snapchat judging by description.

Now this night he didn't come back until quite late (8am!) I was obviously very pissed off but he said he and his friend got carried away and he slept the night at his friends who apparently lives above said pub. He's denied it (obviously) and has said that my friends causing trouble etc. I don't know what the point of this post is if I'm honest. I'm feeling very hormonal (3 weeks pp) and am feeling very angry as I definitely believe my friend over him and I need to rant. Apparently I'm insecure and paranoid over nothing.

OP posts:
GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 11/09/2021 22:45

I couldn't live like this. You know what he's up to really, OP.

HollowTalk · 11/09/2021 22:51

Oh get rid of this complete waste of space.

You really will feel better for it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/09/2021 22:51

You know your friend's sister is telling the truth.

He knows your friend's sister is telling the truth.

He thinks he can be outraged enough at the suggestion that you'll roll over on this.

Saying you're paranoid and insecure over nothing when he has form is a massive red flag. DARVO to the max.

No reassurance, no conversation, no empathy just outrage. Soon it'll turn from 'I would never do that' and 'I didn't do that' to 'this is why I did it, because you're like this' / 'this is why I couldn't tell you, because you're like this' etc.

He let you down when you were at such a vulnerable stage, heavily pregnant. That shows a real shitty character.

1FootInTheRave · 11/09/2021 22:53

You, he and everyone else knows what he's up to.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 11/09/2021 22:55

I ignored the signs for a few years. I didn't want to believe.

I now really regret not leaving sooner. Those years were difficult and I was miserable.

prisscalledwanda · 11/09/2021 22:56

Oh OP. I think we all know what's what here. Sending Thanks and strength

chelsiekxoxo · 11/09/2021 22:58

I do know myself deep down. I can't believe it of im honest I feel as if my life is falling apart! Its felt like that since May.

OP posts:
bellabelle1994 · 11/09/2021 23:00

Sending you love and prayers. You really don't deserve this.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/09/2021 23:06

He’s behaving appallingly. It was only May when he sent those messages, you were heavily pregnant. Now he does this when you’ve got a 3 week old baby!

Even if he wasn’t cheating, who goes out on the lash overnight when their wife has just given birth 🙁. You and the baby deserve so much more than this.

VenusTiger · 11/09/2021 23:07

He's a shit "father" as well OP.
Tell him so and fuck him off.
"Bye twat-head" with a huge smile on your face.

Cry on a friend's shoulder.
Hope you're okay OP.

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/09/2021 23:22

I’m so sorry op, but you know what’s going on here. Dump him - you and your child deserve better

PrinnyPree · 11/09/2021 23:27

So so sorry OP what a piece of shit! Even if he wasn't a cheating twat staying out till 8am with a 3 week old baby is fucking appalling. Sending all the biggest hugs Flowers

Also fuck him for getting his back up and gaslighting you.

stevalnamechanger · 11/09/2021 23:36

8 am isn't "quite late" ... he clearly stayed out all night somewhere .

I'm sorry but get rid

MsDogLady · 11/09/2021 23:43

Chelsie, this is absolutely no surprise. It was very clear to us—and to you—that he was cheating in April and May, 2020 when you wrote your previous threads.

As I said at that time, he is a cheating player. Nothing has changed. You have at least 4 children, one a newborn, and you had a painful, troubling pregnancy. Yet he is out there acting like a single man and making a mockery of you and the children.

How long are you going to tolerate his utter disrespect? You deserve so much better and so do your children. This is a terrible relationship model that they are learning.

Are you in a position to separate or to formulate an exit plan? Flowers

Auroreforet · 11/09/2021 23:49

My friend was a midwife.
2 days after delivering a baby the father tried to chat her up in a singles bar.
These men don't care, they are shameless.

Skyline24 · 11/09/2021 23:53

Sending lots of love to you it's sounds so stressful! How can he even say you are insecure after having found them messages? Wouldn't he be the same? Hope things work out for you ❤️xxx

Hattie765 · 11/09/2021 23:56

We'll even if he's telling the truth (unlikely) the fact he's cheated and lied before means you can't trust him so you need to decide if you can live with someone you can't trust x

jelly79 · 12/09/2021 00:00

He stayed out all night without telling you and you had a 2 week old baby. And other kids by the sounds of it

That's enough surely? Don't torture yourself by wanting to work out what he is doing. Just take these facts and realist that's enough in itself and walk!

YukoandHiro · 12/09/2021 00:03

You poor thing OP, being three weeks postpartum is hard enough without you having to handle this idiot too.

Your life will be simpler and happier without him. You know what to do.

Calmdown14 · 12/09/2021 00:06

He left you all night 3 weeks pp?
That in itself speaks volumes about his priorities.
Sorry you are going through this but sadly I think you already know the answers here.
That said you don't have to leave him straight away. If you need a bit of recovery time physically and mentally and to get things sorted, take it..
Classic advice of getting eyes on all paperwork, bank statements etc apples here

Staryflight445 · 12/09/2021 00:09

His reaction is typical of a man who is guilty. You deserve better op.
Someone will come along and appreciate you and your child. Get rid of him before you lose your self worth too.

Staryflight445 · 12/09/2021 00:10

The fact he went and did this whilst you were home with a 2 week old is absolutely disgusting as well.

MsDogLady · 12/09/2021 05:59

OP had another tiny baby when he previously cheated in Spring 2020. There was a long list of his sneaky, shady behaviors, and he was carrying on with a woman who was taunting and mocking OP.

Chelsie, I really do hope you can make plans remove this revolting man from your life.

MsDogLady · 12/09/2021 06:42

to remove

LostSocksBrigade · 12/09/2021 09:53

Having also read your previous I'd just leave. It's so much easier to parent alone than it is with someone like this who doesn't support you and gaslights you at every turn. He's completely undermining your confidence and would rather pretend you're paranoid than just be a caring, loyal human being. Walk away and don't look back, sometimes the only reason we need to leave a relationship like this is that our children are watching. Not to mention, you deserve better.