Help
TW
Abit of back story, I’ve been with my partner close to 10 years, we have a 3 year old and have lived together almost all of our relationship. When I felt pregnant he changed almost immediately, stopped working, stopped looking after himself, slept all day, and started sleeping on the sofa. Once I had the baby he went off the rails, always out, didn’t contribute or ever help me with the baby. He never done a night feed, or helped in any way during my recovery after birth where I had numerous complications. I had post natal depression and at one point was extremely suicidal. When I finally went to the doctors to get help he screamed at me for going because SS had to be contacted. He told me I was stupid for taking medication and eventually convinced me to come off them. During this time we had moved and due to him not working I had to support us all financially so I ended up in a significant amount of debt. From my daughter has been born we’ve never slept in the same bed and have rarely slept until together, he blames me for having my daughter in the bed however I was breastfeeding so it meant I got to sleep.
I’ve told him for two years how unhappy I am but he won’t listen, he just walks out or changes the conversation. The most recent time I tried to end it he told me I’m making him not want to live anymore and that he needs me and our child needs us to be together. When I kicked him out he had nowhere to go and was sleeping in the car which I felt awful for. His mother constantly makes excuses for him, but she won’t let him live with her.
He’s never cheated on me or give me reason to believe he has. He always tells me he has never been bad to me why am I so hard on him and I feel guilty.
I can’t stand my partner and I totally mean this. I hate when he talks, when he touches me, anything he does absolutely sends me into overdrive. He constantly pesters me for sex and the thought of it makes me want to run away, I have to be drunk to even go there. He has shocking personal hygiene, he never cleans, doesn’t lift up after himself, doesn’t pay any bills or give me any money towards the household. He sleeps all the time and can never hold a job. I’m so unhappy it’s actually draining the life out of me. Recently some of his comments have concerned me, he is a misogynist and it infuriates me. He has to know how unhappy I am but he’s ignoring it. I feel like he’s stealing my life, I’m so dreadfully depressed with this situation.
What can I do. Am I the wrong one? I don’t know if I’m being unfair like he says