How to you leave a nice person.

[MrsRAF]

I’ve been with my partner for 18 years and have 1ds. My partner is an amazing father.

I turned 40 recently and was hit by a huge wave of sadness as if I’ve wasted my life.

In my head I want my partner to cheat so I have a reason to leave.

I have a fantastic relationship with his mother.

But I’m just unhappy and suffering a major depressive period. I’m sad because I don’t see happiness if I stay or if I go. We are unmarried and we live in his house, he owned before we met and I would never ask for something I hadn’t paid for. We do own a small house which is rented out it is only 1 bedroom and not suitable for me plus a child.

I would struggle financially and it would be a huge lifestyle change for both me and my son. I would expect to co patent so would not be entitled to child support.

My partner is a lovely man through this period he has been incredibly supportive and paying for a very expensive therapist.
What do you do when you think you’ll be unhappy either way?

Hi didn’t realise you had a thread going, MrsRAF I think I have a different view of others. You were young when you got into your relationship and I think you have outgrown him. Yes your partner is a good man but you aren’t happy, you want someone with shared interests and there is a lack of attraction ( which is awful for you if you have sex as a chore or awful for your partner if you don’t - believe me I know).
You have one precious life and you can never be sure how life will turn out.
I saw that you have depression- it could be your situation or maybe it’s not you won’t know unless you take some action.
Maybe let your partner go on the trip and use the time to get some space, maybe consider a trial separation with a definite timescale. You are not a horrible person you deserve to be happy x

I’ve somewhat ruled a trail separation as I think it would be too upsetting for my son. My son adores his dad and they do loads of things together I’m scared of how the changes will impact him, especially as I will somewhat struggle financially I know his dad would still pay for his activities but we won’t be able to do as much as we do now. It’s hard when he is so supportive of me.