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Original poster

Was this anything like your experience of online dating?

38 replies

AWomanontheverge · 10/09/2021 21:11

You sign up on an online dating site (known for being civilised and filtering out weirdos). You have a few responses and exchange a couple of texts before meeting up.

It takes a few months of trial and error to find your feet. Along the way you have some fun evenings, drink some good wine. Sometimes you get a great discussion, sometimes a few laughs. There are one or two dull dates but usually you find something to like.

You finally click with someone who wants some company but not full on commitment. You enjoy each others company, a few dates a month, cinemas, restaurants, occasional evening in, before amicably going your own way.

Or completely unrealistic? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
AWomanontheverge · 10/09/2021 21:21

I can't even bring myself to go on OLD sites, dating scares me so much!

OP posts:
SwordfromtheStone · 10/09/2021 21:31

Absolutely nothing like my experience or anyone I’ve heard of but it sounds nice!

B1rdflyinghigh · 10/09/2021 22:46

The daily mail?

Pinkbonbon · 10/09/2021 23:16

Not really.

Theres a quote in buffy the vampire slayer when Spike says to Giles about his life 'cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got snagged, cup of tea'.

That's basically what online dating does for me xD

Pinkbonbon · 10/09/2021 23:16

*shagged

seensome · 10/09/2021 23:34

It does sound like you've never tried it, just reverse everything you've said and it fits the truth a bit more.
Full of weirdos and you probably won't be amicable by the end Grin

Original poster
AWomanontheverge · 11/09/2021 03:02

just reverse everything you've said
That's what I always figured and I have thus avoided OLD altogether.

My post was of course tongue in cheek about my ideal scenario, but I was thinking maybe I should be more open minded. But maybe not!

OP posts:
Buggritbuggrit · 11/09/2021 03:45

I had some (very short) odd or unpleasant conversations, that I promptly ended. Some other conversations that ranged from tolerable to delightful. A few rather enjoyable dates (with the delightful conversationalists). And I’m shortly marrying one of them.

OLD is just a tool via which you meet people. Most people won’t be for you. But, if you persevere and are clear on what you want, it’s fantastic. Good luck!

sofato5miles · 11/09/2021 04:18

I had 17 tinder dates before i met my boyfriend ( the love of my life). I have a thick skin but there were srill some eyewateringly bad dates.
In the end it was coffee only, because i had been trapped over lunches or dinners too often and then had to fend off hideously awkward sex advances ( always great for a funny story though).

It's a numbers game and the clue's to their behaviours are often in their conversation. However, my boyfriend was a man i wouldn't have looked at as his photos were AWFUL. But his bio was absolutely great - funny and dry - and he sounded chatty.

WTF475878237NC · 11/09/2021 04:19

That was my experience OP except I was looking for commitment so ended things rather quickly but amicably and mutually apart from once. I settled down with the fourth man I dated so wasn't a lot of experience. I really enjoyed OLD but it was a little while ago so maybe it's now awful I don't know.

WTF475878237NC · 11/09/2021 04:21

Yes I always did coffee only for a first date and always after just a couple of weeks of conversation on the internet then phone.

Buggritbuggrit · 11/09/2021 04:23

@sofato5miles I know loads of people who have met their partners online, but nobody who has successfully Tindered (unless you count the odd lacklustre shag). Do you mind if I ask how old you are and how long you’ve been with your partner? As this would be a lovely counterpoint to the usual Tinder horror stories!

Choccy01 · 11/09/2021 06:12

I would say realistic and whilst not intentional has been my experience. Things fizzle out after a few weeks/ months

FlamesEmbersAshes · 11/09/2021 06:21

I don’t really have any OLD horror stories - the men I met were mostly just dull with nothing to say for themselves.

I did eventually meet my lovely BF though so it was worth it.

Original poster
AWomanontheverge · 11/09/2021 06:26

Sounds like good idea to chat for a while. I don't do much chatting/messing through texts/WhatsApp etc. Maybe would have to get used to that.

Maybe that I'm not interested in commitment/anything full on, just nice dates/company, would take the pressure off. But as there is no end goal re partner there is less motivation to deal with dull dates.

My fear is having to sit through a load of tedious dates so coffee is a good tip.

I'm still unconvinced but good to hear it was fun for some.

OP posts:
PilatesPeach · 11/09/2021 06:36

You didn't mention sex unless it is implied in the evenings in my ime the men who do OLD want it - they want it more than the outings and conversation - they will do the outings and conversation too but not instead! The standard of sex is often extremely low, men who by their age and previous relationships might be expected to have some idea of what they are doing, often do not. I have sometimes thought how did their ex-wife put up with that for 15 years? sorry to be blunt but that is my experience!

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 11/09/2021 06:39

Yes, don't commit to dinner up front!

You need a very thick skin for OLD - the men are a weird mixture of desperate but extremely picky and will decide they don't like you over the smallest of details or openly rank your physical features, etc. I had a few fun dates, a few awful dates and two short term things one of which was utterly fabulous and for whom I still have a soft spot! Didn't find the love of my life, but I don't regret it.

SarahBellam · 11/09/2021 06:39

Sounds like you want a friend with benefits or an occasional companion rather than a full blown boyfriend. No advice on how to get one but that sounds fab.

RavenclawsRoar · 11/09/2021 07:27

Mine was similar to be fair. I wasn't on it for long. Ignored any and all weirdos and responded to the two (! Yes only two!) normal sounding guys. Had a few online conversations and arranged to meet them. Met the first on the Friday for a drink - he was nice but no spark. Met the second on the Saturday for a coffee in town. We had a right laugh together and I really fancied him. We've now been together 10 years and married for 5! It was pretty painless and worked a treat for me, but I think I'm pretty lucky in that respect.

Starlight39 · 11/09/2021 07:53

Not far off my experience! Only I was looking for commitment but did have a few flings along the way as well. I had a few dull dates but not many and lots that were interesting and even professionally helpful! I agree with others, a quick drink/coffee for a first date then you've only lost an hour! It can be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster though so you do need to take breaks regularly I found.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 11/09/2021 08:02

I liked OLD - it was good fun. Most of the dates had a similar feel to going out for a drink with a new and pleasant colleague, plus they provided loads of funny stories for friends later. Not many had any kind of actual connection though, and I might have lost heart had I not met DP because I was hoping, initially, for a few casual shags and mostly got pleasant chats.

My favourite one was the guy who was an English teacher and kept sending me snippets of poetry for me to critique - as some kind of test, I assume, because who does that? He got really angry when I didn't like one of the poems, which turned out to be one of his own. My friends still talk about him, years later, because it was so funny.

The thing that made the difference when I met my DP was that he didn't feel at all like a colleague and that the chemistry was snapping between us. He's another one whose photos were awful and whose profile was great. Forever grateful to my friend who pushed me to go on the date with him despite the awful photos.

Frazzled2207 · 11/09/2021 08:04

Keep at it. I took it VERY seriously and met my ex who I was with for 2 years (no regrets).
Then was on it for 2 minutes and met my husband.
Dh and I have often said that we can’t imagine how we would have met any other way. We were both in the right (virtual) place at the right time, living half an hour away from each other.

In total I probably met about 30 guys. There were only about 2 I really didn’t like and even then they weren’t what I would say “dodgy” just cocky twats. Everyone else was pleasant.

Astressedlady · 11/09/2021 08:13

@AWomanontheverge

You sign up on an online dating site (known for being civilised and filtering out weirdos). You have a few responses and exchange a couple of texts before meeting up.

It takes a few months of trial and error to find your feet. Along the way you have some fun evenings, drink some good wine. Sometimes you get a great discussion, sometimes a few laughs. There are one or two dull dates but usually you find something to like.

You finally click with someone who wants some company but not full on commitment. You enjoy each others company, a few dates a month, cinemas, restaurants, occasional evening in, before amicably going your own way.

Or completely unrealistic? Grin

That sounds like a book I'd like to read 😂

OLD is nuts. There seem to be no rules or logic and it seems like everything you thought you knew about the opposite sex and dating just doesn't apply here.

sycamoresue · 11/09/2021 08:14

Having done a lot of online dating on and off over a spectrum of different sites, these are my observations:

  • same people on all of the sites, and the standard of behaviour seems to be the same regardless of the reputation of the site.
  • many of them talk about past dates with women who looked completely different in real life, but it is surprising what a good angle/filter can do to alter a man's appearance too
  • a suspicious proportion of them are 'CEO's'
  • many of them live in their mum's spare room in wait for a woman to come along to take over mum's job (it's all the evil ex wife's fault for stealing all of their money)
  • the negging is real, so real
  • lots of them are quite intense/seem to build you up and then rapidly lose interest after the first couple of 'dates'. There's always someone better a few swipes away
  • they can never think of ideas and want to do something fun and exciting but want you to come up with the ideas and book and are happy for you to pay for it all too
Flev · 11/09/2021 08:14

Loads of weirdos, lots of much older men, lots of people from overseas. I eventually gave up after about 2months but didn't remove my profile. This was about 5 yrs ago, so pre-apps, and I just ignored any random emails coming through saying I had messages.

For some reason I did go and read one that came through. Sounded actually genuine so I replied. Chatted for a while. Met up. Dated for a year. Got engaged. Got married. Now have a toddler together - and he's downstairs with her right now. Even though we only lived half an hour apart there was no way we would otherwise have met.

It can work - but dear God the volume of people you have to ignore to try and find anyone "real"...

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