Too Soon?

[HowNowIsSoon]

I've been dating someone for around 2 months now and so far we haven't had a single "what are you looking for?" type conversation.

I should have asked him early on to make sure we were on the same page but I didn't and I'm worried I've now left it too late to mention it casually.

I do want a relationship and if he wasn't interested in potentially the same (if we continue to get along etc) then I would make the decision to walk away. If he wants casual then it's not for me and I'm wanting to find that out before I become anymore invested.

He is a very laid back person so I don't want to come on too strong but I also want to know where I stand. We have had some great dates but nothing like this has come up in conversation. He seems to enjoy my company, we go on fun dates, have only had sex once so he's just not just wanting sex. OTOH we don't have much contact between dates.

Is it too soon to ask?

And I hope you feel better . It must have been a big shock how he turned out

I realise you said the he is not very chatty over text, but there is nothing stopping you dropping him a quick “Hi, how was your weekend “ message, or even calling him (do people still use the telephone?)
Then at least you would know where you stand.

@AnaViaSalamanca
Thank you, dont apologise for being blunt, I prefer it! I think you've hit the nail on the head there, I am trying so hard to be uncaring and cool that I've forgot that I matter just as much as him.

In normal life I am a confident person, I just have absolutely no confidence when it comes to dating. It seems like everyone leaves, always in a horrible way!

@JustAnother0ldMan
I just dont want to send him another text after receiving no reply, his no reply tells me he isnt interested. We spoke on the phone before we met and sometimes had a brief conversation when we are arranging a time to meet but other than that we wouldn't talk on the phone.

I do agree that then at least I would know where I stand, but surely his no reply tells me.

Not meaning to be hurtful, but if you're asking anyone about 'your' relationship it's a big fat NO
You don't feel right about this relationship, you don't feel comfortable, able to talk openly... so it time to bin him and move on.
You let your guard down by letting him know you're vulnerable.
There are nice guys out there, stop wasting your time on Mr Maybe and focus on yourself and things you love. Mr Right will come AND you'll be able to talk to him properly and feel great, appreciated and loved and have fantastic sex too 👏

@Jossse
Thank you. It's the vulnerable bit I really struggle with, when do you show your vulnerable side?!

I really look forward to that being the case!

I would happily continue dating him and doing what we are doing now, if I was happy it would (hopefully) lead to exclusivity in the future.

Where is your self respect?
Why are you happy to potentially be the 'other woman' is a relationship ?
The first couple of dates, fair enough if someone new has also arranged to see one or two other people, but once you have been going out with someone for two months, and you have had sex with them, are you seriously happy for them to also be seeing someone else? It's not really committing to a life together to be dating, but once you are doing that, it is everyone's right to assume you are only dating that person and that person is only dating you, or you are just friends who have sex with one another.

@Kite22
I suppose exclusivity is the wrong word and I more mean commitment. I obviously wouldn't want to date and shag someone who was also shagging other people, nor would I want to be the other woman. All I was meaning is that I would have been happy to continue how things were going and I didn't need some grand gesture/massive commitment.

@HowNowIsSoon I wouldn’t contact him again if I were you. You will dilute your previous message.

I would have serious doubts about him if he gets in touch now (possibly with the boilerplate paltry apology of how busy he had been)

@AnaViaSalamanca
Yeah, I wont be contacting him again, I think I'll just feel embarrassed! Just have to remember I've done nothing wrong.