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Original poster

Is he making excuses?

54 replies

emmerfail · 10/09/2021 19:17

I have been with my BF for 3 years.
We both have kids with previous partners and don't live together.
It's my best friends wedding tomorrow.
He's known for a year.
I reminded him two months ago to get a babysitter for his kids (12 and 7)
Yesterday he said he can't come as his mum and dad are going camping so no sitter.

My friend said his kids are welcome.
I text him and he replied they are at footy training at 9 tomorrow...so it would be too much of a rush.

He just doesn't want to come does he?
1.he would have organised a sitter or swapped days with his ex
2.he could easily let his kids miss football for 1 week

What do you think ?

OP posts:
Dery · 11/09/2021 09:23

@something2say has nailed it.

Sounds like he's never wanted to go to the wedding and that will be because he assumes people will start asking him when he's going to pop the question. Which is a profoundly obnoxious question but it does get asked of unmarried men and their partners at weddings.

That doesn't mean he's not committed to you in his own way. It just depends whether what he does offer is enough for you which it sounds like it might not be.

Agree with PP - go to the wedding. Have an amazing time. Remain unavailable until late tomorrow or even Monday.

AtrociousCircumstance · 11/09/2021 09:26

What a substandard person to be (sort of) partnered with.

Agree with a PP - maybe he sees going to a wedding with you, dressed up to the nines and side by side, is too suggestive of you and he marrying at some point.

He lied, he’s avoidant, he doesn’t care about your feelings much…maybe he’s not worth it.

Fireflygal · 11/09/2021 09:35

Op, it isn't just that he didn't want to go to the wedding but his lies and devious behaviour leading up to it. As you said he had no intention of going so has strung you along for his own agenda.

You don't know what his agenda is and we can only speculate but he is showing you who he is. It's very passive aggressive to come up with excuses.

It reminds me of a friends H who would avoid her important events, always gave a reason, such as helping a friend move but to those around him he would tell the truth "I don't want to go because I don't like xyz, can't be bothered" He would laugh about it to others which ai found despicable. His poor wife was clueless but did eventually dump him.

He was an avoidant person who was checking out but wasn't capable of honesty to tell her .

MamDancer · 11/09/2021 09:41

He's putting firm boundaries in place. You're not his 'The One' but will do for now.

Bells3032 · 11/09/2021 09:43

Three years together and you get one meal in a pub a fortnight? And he makes up redic excuses not to go to your best friends wedding.

Is this relationship doing enough for you? Each to their own and everyone has what they're happy with but it doesn't sound like you are

CassandraTrotter · 11/09/2021 09:47

The relationship is going nowhere. And he actually lied to you. He also left it so last minute you wouldn't have been able to invite someone else. I couldn't put up with him.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 11/09/2021 10:51

Sadly he's just not that into you.
.
He sounds like a twat anyway.

Ltb today.

Colourmeclear · 11/09/2021 11:19

If this is how he resolves potential conflict, you're in for a very bumpy and anger inducing ride.

MadeForThis · 11/09/2021 11:31

He's showing you how involved he wants to be in your life.

Don't waste anymore time on him.

Have fun at the wedding. Meet someone new.

Peace43 · 11/09/2021 11:52

What a misery he is. Have a good time!

layladomino · 11/09/2021 11:59

Oh wow that's really bad.

It sounds like he's had no intention of attending all along, but was too much of a coward to tell you, or didn't think your plans were important enough for him to keep you informed.

If he didn't want to go he should have either said right away at the start so you could plan around that, but any decent bf would have sucked up his dislike for weddings for one day for the sake of his gf of 3 years.

His actions are utterly selfish, and disrespectful of you and your relationship. Along with his 'we'll never live together' I would see this as a sign he's just not that bothered.

You don't have to worry about that today. Just have the BEST day. Ignore his updates. And rethink your relationship tomorrow.

OurMamInHavianas · 11/09/2021 12:08

Assuming he had accepted the invitation, or knew you had accepted on his behalf, his behaviour is really rude to your friend.

Do you want to be with someone with such bad manners?

IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 11/09/2021 12:25

Weirdly this is going to be my first LTB. I agree with PP - going to a wedding as a couple makes a statement and it's a statement he doesn't want to make. Also I think it's beyond shitty to pull out of attending a wedding at the last minute.

RainbowTurd · 11/09/2021 12:44

Ergghh life is too short to be with a flaky twat like that. Go have fun and delete the losers number

Hattie765 · 11/09/2021 12:50

To be honest it doesn't sound like he views this as a relationship, more a FWB which may be why he doesn't want to go and start getting entwined in each others lives.

grapewine · 11/09/2021 12:51

@emmerfail

He's text this morning saying they are going to a nearby theme park instead of training ... I'm honestly fuming Like fuming I bet that was his plan all the long and he is worried if he doesn't tell me kids will tell me by accident !
Go to the wedding and then make other plans for your life. He doesn't sound into you at all from what you've written, sorry.
Strawbsaturno · 11/09/2021 12:55

Yes he’s avoided telling you he doesn’t want to go until the last minute, so he doesn’t have to deal with hassle from you about it. Not good for a 3 year old relationship. If I were you I’d start keeping him at arms length too.

Purplealienpuke · 11/09/2021 14:41

Yep, I agree with others. Time to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier....

ChargingBuck · 11/09/2021 15:26

@MamDancer

He's putting firm boundaries in place. You're not his 'The One' but will do for now.
No he isn't!

A year ago, he said he'd go.
2 months ago, he confirmed he'd go.
Then he 'suddenly' found out he had no babysitter.
OP solved that quandary for him.
So he then 'remembered' the unavoidable football practice.
Which was conveniently avoidable for a day out at a theme park.

That's not boundary setting - it's lying, & piss-taking.

FatLarrysBand · 11/09/2021 15:32

That's not what MamDancer is saying. She's pointing out that his 'firm boundary' is the pen in which he's put this relationship. And it's called 'Until Something Better Comes Along . . . '

spotcheck · 12/09/2021 20:05

Hope you had a fantastic time OP

Anordinarymum · 13/09/2021 00:23

I would say he is a twat

MsDogLady · 13/09/2021 00:39

OP, I hope you had a wonderful time celebrating with your friends.

Unfortunately, your BF did not want to be by your side on this special day. He did not care that it meant a lot to you, and he lied, manipulated, and used his children as an excuse to let you down.

You would be wise to reconsider this relationship.

FlowerArranger · 13/09/2021 00:47

What @MsDogLady said.

You've wasted 3 years on this tosser, @emmerfail...... no point wasting any more.

Honestly, I'd rather be on my own than put up with such passive aggressive, avoidant bullshit.

QueenBee52 · 13/09/2021 03:49

@FlowerArranger

What *@MsDogLady* said.

You've wasted 3 years on this tosser, @emmerfail...... no point wasting any more.

Honestly, I'd rather be on my own than put up with such passive aggressive, avoidant bullshit.

Yip 🌸