What would you do in my situation

[Luccia12]

Right guys just wanted somewhere to talk.
So me n husband just got back from a split for a month last week. I told him i wasnt happy dur to him always working or meeting up late hours with his mates. Regular thing btw. I told him he really needs to work on communicating with me.

Hes never home before 11pm and some weekends goes out n doesnt even bother telling me.

I left as i was so fed up but he told me this will change he will make effort to change
We hace 3 DCs.

I guess he made an effort for 2-3 days and again gone back to working late coming back 1am and im feel so shit n lonely. He never calls or texts me in the day, i always have to if im lucky he picks up. I feel like he really dont care but keep telling myself its his work as his self employed. I do everything at home. I feel depressed!

I just dont know what to do, whether to give him more time to show effort, just move out, i dont know id cope alone, just minddd messed

Is he actually working? What's his job?

What’s he working at till one am?

He does mechanical @Bluntness100
@ @HumdrumGuga

What’s Mechanical?

If you have three dc, it seems to me that he should be the one to move out.

Yeah is he actually working or with mates?

What's mechanical?

If it's over he moves out, not you.

Mechanic soz.. Self employed

You tried and he didnt listen it is over

Even if it is all legitimate from his side you have to think about whether it is the type of marriage you wish to have.If he works such unsociable hours and truly values his marriage he will look into ways to earn money during day etc.At the end of the day can a relationship work if you are never together and he doesn't make effort?

A car mechanic?

Working til 11 pm?

Get yourself a std test

You worry you wouldn't cope with him, but it looks like you're already doing that. I bet you do all the childcare, housework, life admin, cooking, shopping etc etc? So your life would be no harder without him.

It would in fact be easier if you weren't spending your evenings feeling unwanted, resentful, wondering what he's up to, why he would rather be with his friends than you.

I would also question who he is with. The going out to the early hours regularly, going out at weekends but not telling you where, is very suspicious.

You have given him a chance to put it right and he's shown you he can't be bothered. He either assumes you're such a doormat that you will put up with his behaviour, or he doesn't care if you decide to leave him. Either way - you deserve better.

If you do nothing now, you're shpwing him you will put up with his behaviour. If I were you, I would set it out to him - his actions are not those of a married man and father. He is acting like a single man. He knows his wife is affected by this (no support / more workload / feeling unwanted) and yet does nothing to change it. He clearly isn't that interested in being married or being a father, and he isn't therefore entitled to the benefits of it. (I'll bet you cook and clean for him, make sure he has clean clothes and a clean house).

You will be much better off without him.

Sums up everything u said. I feel like that we actually are not speakimg today as he didnt come home few days ago till 5am, also said il be going gym 5 days a week after work. As if that is fair on me n the kids @layladomino

Work out what you need from your relationship. Work out how long you're willing to give him to sort it out. Inform him of both, and that the relationship will be over if he continues to disrespect your needs.

Follow through.

No drama, short timescale, and no 'crunch-time' decision for you.

He's a mechanic and works until 1am and then he didn't come home until 5am and then states he'll be going to the gym 5 x after work. You're either green or he thinks you're stupid. I'm guessing you're neither .....

He think hes entitled to it because he works, and because he spends 1 day a week with us.. Its like i say one thing its other the other

There is no point in him being with you, he clearly prefers time with his mates. I’d get moving re a permanent split, all this is just teaching your dc what a useless person he is.

He's behaving like a single man is what I think

Id leave

Get rid!

Sounds like you are a cheap cook, housemaid, au pair for him.

He does not deserve you.

He doesn’t like you OP. If he did he would WANT to spend time with you not be coerced. What do you think he’s doing til 5 in the morning? End it and move on. Oh and as PP said get an STD check.

I just dont know what to do

I think you do. He needs to go.

i dont know id cope alone

You already cope alone.

@Luccia12
You’ve got several similar threads running, with posters giving you the same advice on all of them.
Do listen and take on board what everyone is telling you.