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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Need help

27 replies

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 18:36

I wanted to get a females perspective from the following

So I have a current girlfriend we’ve been dating for 7 months now. Everything perfect literally the happiest I’ve been and we are now expecting a child. Baby due in 4 months can’t wait !! My girlfriend has another child from a previous relationship. Long story short I always had a gut feeling something didn’t sit right with my girlfriend and her ex the child’s father. She seemed to mention him quite a lot. Last week she went for a shower and I checked her phone, I know I know shouldn’t do it !! I seen that 2 months into our relationship she was texting her ex, arranging to meet up and have sex, which they did. Looking at the time stamp on the texts we were together, we had even booked a night away, some quality us time. I confronted her and she told me it was a mistake. In my eyes a mistake is something that happens out the blue, drunk whatever. Not texting for 2/3 nights arranging it. I’m literally torn on what to do, say or even think my head is all over the place. Sometimes it’s good to vent to internet strangers and get their opinions on the matter so any help would be appreciated.

OP posts:

seensome · 09/09/2021 18:53

So not only did she text the ex she actually went through with it, they had sex?
Do you know this child is yours for sure?
I wouldn't advise you stay with a person like this but was it you want to do?

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 19:18

Yes she went through with it, it’s the fact she’s saying it was a mistake but basically planned it that’s pissed me off. Also having sex with two guys at the same time has raised questions for me. She said it was the only time but how can I believe her ? I’m torn, I’ve grown to love her but finding this out has shattered me

OP posts:

seensome · 09/09/2021 19:33

That's the problem now the trust has gone, it's very hard to recover from it, It's not a nice thought but are you going to do a dna test? once the baby is here so at least you will know for sure the baby is yours.
You don't have to be in relationship with her, you can still be there for the child.

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 19:36

I am going to do a DNA test yes. Feel like it’s the sensible thing to do. Breaks my heart but needs must !! I will also be there for the baby no matter what, baby didn’t ask to be brought into this. From something so good it’s turned into a bit of a shit show tbh

OP posts:

Elieza · 09/09/2021 19:39

So your gf got pregnant after you’d only been dating two months. (9 months gestation minus the four months still to go leaves five months. You’ve been dating seven months. Therefore she got pregnant two months into your relationship)?

And she’s been seeing another guy for sex, her ex, at the exact same time. Coincidence or is he the real father here?

Do you earn good money or have a wealthy family?

Did you use condones when you had sex?

Some women would deliberately try and pin this baby on you to take advantage of you I’d you’re thought of as a good provider.

None of this bodes well. Sorry.

I’d suggest she is unfaithful, untrustworthy, and it’s the exes baby not yours. Time to leave. Get a dna test done when the baby is born and pay if it’s yours obv.

spotcheck · 09/09/2021 19:41

You've only known her 7 months.
She's proven herself to be a cheat almost immediately.

JustBrowwsing · 09/09/2021 19:43

Were you in a committed relationship together at the two month mark or were you guys still ‘dating’?

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 19:49

Well the fact she booked a romantic getaway away for the two of us and said she can see us going somewhere tells me it was more than dating. Personally even if it was dating I still wouldn’t sleep with an ex while sleeping with someone else

OP posts:

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 19:51

The dates might not be exact but she fell pregnant about 6/7 weeks after the time stamp on the texts. I am still going to do a DNA test regardless.

I do earn quite good money not life changing but better than average

Didn’t use condoms stupid I know

First thing I’m doing when baby is born is getting a DNA test. Don’t want to add more pressure than there is already for the babies sake

OP posts:

Elieza · 09/09/2021 19:55

She could have been feeling romantic. Or she could have been feeling like she needed more money and likes babies with rich daddies who will look after her.

The weekend proves nothing. Sorry.

Elieza · 09/09/2021 19:56

She could be using you to afford a luxury lifestyle meanwhile shagging her ex behind your back.

None of this is good.

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 19:59

To be fair I don’t give her any money and she doesn’t ask for any so don’t think she’s after my money. My heads a mess at the moment and don’t know what to think really

OP posts:

Toffpops · 09/09/2021 20:01

I’m sorry you’ve had this shock. Agree with the PPs on here-trust is gone and she’s treated you terribly. From reading your posts you sound like a really nice, decent guy and deserve someone who will treat you better. Take care

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 20:04

Thank you I appreciate it. It’s the fact she planned it over a few days which has crushed me. Also the fact it’s her child’s father so he will always be around

OP posts:

BrisbaneandGone · 09/09/2021 20:39

Your writing style is very like a pp on here, you haven't bought her a new phone recently have you?

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 20:39

I have no idea what a pp is !! I haven’t bought her a new phone no

OP posts:

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/09/2021 20:42

Why did you decide to have a baby with someone you'd only known 2 months?!

Palavah · 09/09/2021 20:44

You've had a lucky escape. When the child is here you can get a DNA test if you like but I wouldn't be trying to pursue a relationship with someone who's been cheating on me for months.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/09/2021 20:45

Oh god, are you that prolific poster who seems to he looking for a white lady knight? Moved miles paying all bills because she's attractive?

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 20:51

What on earth are you talking about ?

OP posts:

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 20:52

She said it was a one off but just can’t trust her, will definitely be doing a DNA test

OP posts:

Palavah · 09/09/2021 20:53

What are you looking for from this thread? If you can't trust her then how can you continue the relationship?

Original poster

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 20:57

I actually don’t know I guess it just wanted somewhere to vent my feelings/emotions. It’s hard I really do love her but this has shattered my confidence and trust in her

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 09/09/2021 21:12

I think you should get out of this relationship now as it's likely to bring you nothing but a world of pain. Tell her you will happily support the child and be part of its life once the DNA test settles that it is yours. Next time use condoms for goodness sake.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/09/2021 21:58

Sorry op I mixed you up with someone else.
What do you think you should do now?

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