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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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27 replies

JackD166 · 09/09/2021 18:36

I wanted to get a females perspective from the following

So I have a current girlfriend we’ve been dating for 7 months now. Everything perfect literally the happiest I’ve been and we are now expecting a child. Baby due in 4 months can’t wait !! My girlfriend has another child from a previous relationship. Long story short I always had a gut feeling something didn’t sit right with my girlfriend and her ex the child’s father. She seemed to mention him quite a lot. Last week she went for a shower and I checked her phone, I know I know shouldn’t do it !! I seen that 2 months into our relationship she was texting her ex, arranging to meet up and have sex, which they did. Looking at the time stamp on the texts we were together, we had even booked a night away, some quality us time. I confronted her and she told me it was a mistake. In my eyes a mistake is something that happens out the blue, drunk whatever. Not texting for 2/3 nights arranging it. I’m literally torn on what to do, say or even think my head is all over the place. Sometimes it’s good to vent to internet strangers and get their opinions on the matter so any help would be appreciated.

OP posts:
JackD166 · 09/09/2021 22:16

No need to apologise all is well. I honestly don’t know, taking a break from speaking to each other currently. She said the last time they had sex was 2 years ago in a previous conversation then I found the texts which proved that was a lie. She says he’s manipulative but you don’t manipulate people into having sex when your with someone else

OP posts:
Elieza · 09/09/2021 22:34

When you said you don’t give her money (so you presumably don’t feel she’s a gold digger), that’s because she doesn’t have a baby yet!

Sometimes women deliberately get pregnant to a rich guy to make him give them lots of money they say the need for the baby.

Money for the child’s food, clothes, play dates, zoo visits, a larger house because little dc wants to play in the garden, swimming lessons, more shoes, more clothes (she’s growing so quickly, tinkly laugh) winter coat, decorating the bedroom by professionals, new carpets top quality as she’s crawling, money for this that and the other. It all sounds very reasonable. You’d feel bad about not getting little one a winter coat. And a thicker onesie. And a new car seat. You want the best for your child.

If they get pregnant to some loser they won’t get any of that. So many on finding they are pregnant blame it on the richer of the potential daddies while confessing true love and wishing to be a family etc etc. Or be being ‘understanding’ ie ‘don’t worry it’ll be fine, no pressure’ to manipulate you into parting with more cash.

And the moral of the story is, use condoms. Don’t rely on the women to provide contraception.

You may have learned the hard way. Or perhaps the dna test will show that the other guys the dad. Who knows. Make sure you get the results direct and not from some dodgy email address she sets up to convince you that you’re the dad when the true results say youre not.

As you can tell I’ve known a few lovely ladies over the years. Not everyone is like them. There are good people in this world. I’m not convinced she’s the one for you though. Sorry.

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