Am I being unreasonable

[Hungryhippo1320]

Hi, I'm new to this but I am desperate for some unbiased advice. Myself and my fiancé are in the process of moving in together. We have 3 children between us and we both have full time custody of our children.
I work 5 days a week, school hours. My fiancé doesn't work, he is the main carer for his youngest who has autism.
The house that we are moving in to need some tlc, the bedrooms need sanding and painting as well as the living room. Our carpets are being fitted a week tomorrow. Now the problem is that my fiancé hadn't done any work in the house, he believes that I should do it as well, to show willing. I disagree, as I said he doesn't work, he has had ample opportunity to do the sanding and filling over the summer ready for the carpets to be fitted. I am not saying that I won't help, I've said that once he's done what needs to be done, I will go in and clean the house ready to help him paint but he is not happy with that. He has all the tools and is more than capable, he was a painter and decorator before he got full custody. I feel that he is being quite selfish with it all and quite honestly I'm hurt that he won't do the ground work for our little family and our new home together. Am I being unreasonable?

I think by far the biggest red flag for me is that he doesn't work. At present he's being kept by his mum, what's going to happen when he lives with you?
Have you discussed finances and working hours when you're living together?

He is making excuses to avoid the work and you will get more of the same in future with other tasks.

You haven't lived together op so do you really know how good he is around the house. As you say he has the skills, the tools, and most importantly the time to fix up the house he is moving into. Imo he is setting the tone for then you live together, i think you need to think long and hard before you proceed.

There is no way on this earth that I'd move in with him. You'd have to be crazy to consider it. He is showing you what he's like! Don't ignore that.

I'm a bit confused. If the issue was that during term time he's at home doing nothing all day, then sure, your requests make sense. But over the summer presumably you were BOTH at home but so were all the children? So that would have limited time/energy to do the work. Also, why over the summer is it only his responsibility? And are you seriously suggesting that he should hand over the bulk of the care for his autistic son to his mother over the holidays so that he can do housework?

His comments about you "also showing willing" make sense in the above scenario if you were swanning around having a lovely holiday with your DC while expecting him to do th heavy lifting and ditch his child.

Usually, I'm on here yelling at useless men but this doesn't sound right to me. You're expecting too much.

I don’t know why he is getting a hard time as you seem to have done the same as he has. You have both been off all over summer, both with child care responsibilities, arguably him with greater childcare responsibilities, and neither of you were willing to go and work on the new house.