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Original poster

Bf's scatalogical humour driving me mad

27 replies

learningtolive · 09/09/2021 04:58

NC for this.

My bf is a kind, genuine and thoughtful guy. After being in an abusive relationship I feel lucky to have met him and to be with someone who treats me so well. The only thing that really bothers me about him is his immature sense of humour - he thinks farting is funny etc or he will tell me when he is 'going for a poo' and I actually find it quite disgusting. I know some guys are like this but it just seems so juvenile to me. He knows it annoys me so now if he lets one slip he thinks it's funny because I get wound up. I am thinking of having a serious conversation with him to say that I do not find it funny and I actually find it disrespectful and inconsiderate. Is this a bit OTT though? Do I need to chill out and stop being uptight?

OP posts:
Matilda82 · 09/09/2021 05:05

If it bothers you then it's not OTT. It's the type of thing that can set the rot in to a relationship so needs to be gently challenged. DH used to do an impression that reminded me of his dad and turned my stomach. I told him I hated it and he stopped.

You're not lucky to be with him by the way. He's treating you how you should have always been treated. This is normal.

someonesomewhere7 · 09/09/2021 05:13

Ugh It would drive me mad. This is what i would do:

  1. Have a very serious talk with him. No sugar coating, no defending your stance, just matter of factly "when you do X and Y is bothers me and makes me unconfortable and you disregarding my feelings when I've repeateasly asked you to stop is making me question if you even respect me at all". And don't get dragged into arguing, defending, explaining when he responds with "oh but it's just a joke/don't you have a sense of humor?". "I need you to stop. End of discussion"
  2. When he does it again, don't get worked up. He does it to get a reaction out of you. Stop rewarding him with one. Give him just a blank stare or get up and leave the room. He'll stop when you no longer make it fun for him.
Sakurami · 09/09/2021 05:19

Have the conversation and tell him that it turns you off him.

One of my teenagers is like this. His gf is clearly not impressed and I tell him off for it. But he's young. I wouldn't accept it from an adult - it's off putting and disrespectful.

One of my exes thought it was hilarious when he farted. Everyone else I've been with have had the odd accidental fart but that's it. I know some people don't mind or find it funny but I don't.

Ragwort · 09/09/2021 05:22

Sounds grim, yes of course try having the serious conversation with him but be prepared that he might well not change ... you can't force someone to change their behaviour but you can decide whether you want to stay with someone who behaves like that. Decide on your boundaries.

Heliachi · 09/09/2021 05:24

This reply has been deleted

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cariadlet · 09/09/2021 06:09

It seems really over the top to find it disgusting that he finds farts funny and that he tells you that he's going for a poo.

My dp can be like this sometimes. I find it a bit childish and irritating but can't imagine actually being disgusted by it.

But if he is as thoughtful as you say and really cares about your feelings then he should moderate his behaviour to avoid upsetting you.

Pick a time when he isn't engaging in this behaviour and explain that it isn't just annoying for you but you are disgusted and upset by it and it's affecting the way that you feel about him.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 09/09/2021 06:32

YANBU.
Tell him you can't find men who do that sexually attractive and be serious about it.
He sounds awful.

Shoxfordian · 09/09/2021 07:31

If he’s really thoughtful then he’ll stop making jokes you don’t like

WhatMattersMost · 09/09/2021 07:35

This killed a relationship for me, because neither of us could or would change, which is entirely acceptable, and so it meant the end of us.

onelittlefrog · 09/09/2021 07:35

I couldn't be attracted to someone who did this.

If this is his sense of humour then to me that would be indicative of his general maturity level, and I would be completely turned off him as a potential partner.

Talk to him and tell him in no uncertain terms that it turns you off, it's childish, you want an Adult as a partner not a man-child.

If he makes you feel like you are being uptight/ OTT about it then that is another extremely unappealing quality.

If he wants to be in an adult relationship then he needs to behave like an adult.

onelittlefrog · 09/09/2021 07:42

@someonesomewhere7

Ugh It would drive me mad. This is what i would do:
  1. Have a very serious talk with him. No sugar coating, no defending your stance, just matter of factly "when you do X and Y is bothers me and makes me unconfortable and you disregarding my feelings when I've repeateasly asked you to stop is making me question if you even respect me at all". And don't get dragged into arguing, defending, explaining when he responds with "oh but it's just a joke/don't you have a sense of humor?". "I need you to stop. End of discussion"
  2. When he does it again, don't get worked up. He does it to get a reaction out of you. Stop rewarding him with one. Give him just a blank stare or get up and leave the room. He'll stop when you no longer make it fun for him.
This is good general advice for dealing with people who enjoy winding others up with peurile humour.

But really if you are talking about a partner who behaves/ responds this way, there's just an underlying disrespect and immaturity there. Honestly, I (personally) couldn't be bothered to deal with it!

If you try to have a serious discussion and he responds along the lines of "don't you have a sense of humour" - it's just even more disrespect and like something a playground bully would say. He's not on the same level as you emotionally, so not a good fit.

Sorry but I would get rid, but that's because someone like this would not work at all with my personality! You might find ways of dealing with it and find his other qualities make up for it.

spotcheck · 09/09/2021 07:45

Just tell him?

Him: ' I'm off for a poo'

You: 'Its really better for our love life if I don't know your poo schedule'

deeplyambivalent · 09/09/2021 07:46

I'd get the ick from this. I'm not sure why, but scatological humour just nukes any sexual attraction for me.

Sparklfairy · 09/09/2021 07:46

Youre not compatible and it'll never work. I like fart humour (as long as they're not misogynistic and think I can't do it back 😆) and they can stink out my toilet if I can take the piss afterwards. I am grossed out by other stuff but not that. Youre trying to get him to repress who he is, which means you're simply not right for each other.

Wole · 09/09/2021 07:49

I'd tell him seriously that it's making you feel repulsed and could he stop. If he doesn't stop then leave him.

GoWalkabout · 09/09/2021 08:04

'Do you want me to be honest about my turn offs or do you just want me to go off you?'

I would though try to have the conversation in a respectful gentle way, because otherwise he might get defensive and do it more or not get the point. And because he is a nice decent person and you don't want to hurt his feelings.

gannett · 09/09/2021 08:05

He might be kind, genuine and thoughtful but that doesn't mean he's compatible with you. Just sounds like you don't have the same sense of humour.

Different senses of humour can be overcome if it's just something that makes you roll your eyes, but if it actively repulses you then it's just incompatibility I'm afraid.

Personally I hate scatological humour too.

CookPassBabtridge · 09/09/2021 11:15

An accidental occasional fart is hilarious.. when it catches you both off guard. Every day farting and talking about poo, huge turn off.

knittingaddict · 09/09/2021 11:26

I think there are two dealbreakers humour wise - scatalogical humour and practical jokers. Can't stand either of them and I wouldn't be with anyone who thought it was funny. It's juvenile and childish.

Nearlyme · 09/09/2021 11:32

Agree with the above but posting as I have never heard the word scatalodgical (and neither had my phones predictive text) and I like it. A lot!

Windmillwhirl · 09/09/2021 11:36

It's very juvenile. Tell him his behaviour is making you not want to have sex with him. Say it very matter-of-factly and serious.

I imagine he will learn to control his hilarious joking quick smart

herbaceous · 09/09/2021 12:11

My DP used to tell me when he was off for a poo, even resorting to following me around so he could find me to impart this vital gem of information.

I told him I couldn't care less about his bowel schedule, and to pack it in.

He didn't, so I started saying 'I'm just going upstairs to change my tampon'. That shut him up.

Original poster
learningtolive · 10/09/2021 06:14

@herbaceous

My DP used to tell me when he was off for a poo, even resorting to following me around so he could find me to impart this vital gem of information.

I told him I couldn't care less about his bowel schedule, and to pack it in.

He didn't, so I started saying 'I'm just going upstairs to change my tampon'. That shut him up.

Lol I love this!

Thanks everyone for your advice. I will raise it with him but if it continues I think I will have to end things.

OP posts:
someonesomewhere7 · 10/09/2021 07:24

Good luck @learningtolive! Let us know how it goes!

RLEOM · 10/09/2021 21:01

See, I think it's quite funny. One of my exes was like this and we'd often be in hysterics. I have a video of our baby where I'm recording her cuteness and then in the background you hear this loud, squeaky fart (he left the toilet door open). It still leaves me laughing to this day. 😂

However, it's not cool when it's in bed, nor when eating.

It is something he can control but it sounds like it's also part of his sense of humour.