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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men & Panties

40 replies

bertybus · 03/12/2007 20:54

if you found out your DH wore womans underwear to masturbate in his early 20's (while you were married)would you be bothered?

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 03/12/2007 20:55

erm, yes!

The word panties would bother me to.

suwoo · 03/12/2007 20:55

Erm, I would find it a bit weird to be honest yes- has this just come to light now?

suwoo · 03/12/2007 20:56

Me too- hate the word panties, sounds too much like porn film speak.

StressTeddy · 03/12/2007 20:58

panties and titties - double boak!! Just can't stand the words

MaeWestYeMerryGentlemen · 03/12/2007 21:00

I had to break up with someone because he insisted on using the word panties...

LynetteMistletoe · 03/12/2007 21:02

Berty, are you male or female?

moondog · 03/12/2007 21:03

Yes,use of word 'panties' deffo more worrying than wearing thereof.
(Lol Mae)

Original poster
bertybus · 03/12/2007 21:14

yes dh admitted this to me out of the blue and I think its going to end our 17 year marriage....

OP posts:
StressTeddy · 03/12/2007 21:15

why?

tissy · 03/12/2007 21:18

if it's the only reason, then it is a complete over-reaction.

Get a grip.

If he doesn't do it now, what's the problem?

MaeWestYeMerryGentlemen · 03/12/2007 21:18

That seems a little extreme, or were they someone else's 'panties'

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/12/2007 21:18

Nope. It wouldnt bother me.

Why does it bother you?

madamez · 03/12/2007 21:18

Why would you end your marriage over it? It really doesn't sound like a very big deal (ie it is not any kind of sex act that involves hurting another person). Some men find the feel of women's underwear physically appealing, sil and lace etc.
Or do you thik that it may be the tip of the iceberg and your DH has gender issues? If you think that's the case then you need to talk some more about it with him.

Original poster
bertybus · 03/12/2007 21:18

well as others have said...its a bit 'weird'. And I thought he was totally normal....

OP posts:
StressTeddy · 03/12/2007 21:20

still doesn't sound like much of a reason to end a 17 year marriage
Are you ok? Is there more to this than you're telling us berty?

Original poster
bertybus · 03/12/2007 21:21

no im sure there are no gender issues.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/12/2007 21:22

So why does it bother you?

Original poster
bertybus · 03/12/2007 21:25

It bothers me because I find it 'weird'. I also told some people, who I am not sure if they kept it a secret. and now im worried everyone knows.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/12/2007 21:29
Hmm
StressTeddy · 03/12/2007 21:30

berty - I'm sorry but are you worried about your relationahip or about what other people think?
If the latter, then why did you tell anyone?

tissy · 03/12/2007 21:33

so you want to end your marriage because you're ashamed that you told other people about dh's intimate secret?

Your marriage needn't end, but I think you need to admit to him that you have spread this fact about, apologise, and see what he wants to do.....

what possessed you to tell anyone?

madamez · 03/12/2007 21:33

What other people think about anyone else's ehtical sexual behaviour is of no importance. Lots of people do things for sexual pleasure that other people find odd, pointless or funny - so what? If you find it distasteful then it's reasonable to say you won't join in or watch him (but didn't he say that this was something he did years ago and doesn't want to do now?)
Most people's early sexual experimentation has involved things that are a bit silly or strange (masturbating with fruit and veg, for instance) and some people's past contains sexual activity that they should be a bit ashamed of (lying to partners, putting undue pressure on partners, blabbing an ex's sexual secrets etc). Having said that, it wasn't the nicest thing for you to do to run off and tell mutual friends his personal secrets (venting on MN obviously quite another matter).

Original poster
bertybus · 03/12/2007 21:34

I wish I never told anyone.
I am just embarressed about the thought of anyone else knowing.

OP posts:
JeremyMcVile · 03/12/2007 21:35

I dont think I have ever come across a woman using the word 'panties' before.

Anyway, surely not a reason on it's own to end the marriage.

MaeWestYeMerryGentlemen · 03/12/2007 21:37

So you end your marriage due to being embarressed (sic)