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Original poster

Facebook and new boyfriend

55 replies

Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 20:36

I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months and we were friends from a while ago too. I’ve mentioned a couple of times becoming friends on Facebook but he’s clearly not keen. He mentioned people from his past are on there. I wasn’t too bothered to start with now we’ve seen more of each other it’s starting to bother me a bit. I obviously don’t want to kept mentioning it though. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 06/09/2021 20:38

I've never had a boyfriend on Facebook. No reason just didn't see the point.

I use it to post family pics so relatives and friends I don't see much can see. Family abroad etc

I don't really want someone I've known for 2 months in on that.

Don't you trust him? Why do you want on his Facebook?

Pinkbonbon · 06/09/2021 20:45

The instinct may be for some to say it's an insignificant thing but speaking from experience: do some digging.

I had a guy I was seeing tell me he didn't have fb. Some things were not ringing true about him after seeing him for a few months and I just had the instinct to look for a fb. I searched for his sister and found his profile tagged in pictures. An active, busy profile. I'm not sure why he felt the need to lie but it was one lot of bs too much for me. I suspect he was seeing others and didn't want to risk us cottoning on.

Also another guy I was dating who said he didbt have one, I googled and not only did he have one but he also had a girlfriend!

'People from his past' I'm betting = other women I'm either seeing already or dont want to know I have a gf.

Yes, fb may not be a big deal. But he us being sketchy af op. And that's never a good sign.

Have you met his friends yet?
Do you go on proper dates or stay in?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/09/2021 20:50

Why would the existence of "people from his past" matter on his FB? Unless he used to be in prison and he's got his cell-mates on there, why would he not want you to see who he's friends with - or have a problem with them seeing you?

Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 20:57

I think it’s because he’s still friends with his ex and her family on there. Yes we do go out on dates as well as staying in.

OP posts:
LastGirlSanding · 06/09/2021 20:59

In my experience people from your past are only an issue if they’re actually really part of your present.

Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:07

@LastGirlSanding yes that’s what I’m concerned about…

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 06/09/2021 21:09

Why cant you be friends with him on fb though? I mean, 'in a relationship' status is one thing but not even fb friends? I would assume he was hiding something...

Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:12

@Pinkbonbon exactly! Definitely not plans to put “in a relationship” any time soon or even pics of us together just yet! Just simply adding him as a friend

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 06/09/2021 21:14

Yeah, not good is it.

ActonSquirrel · 06/09/2021 21:16

But why though?

Going against the grain I don't want a man I've dated for 2 months having access to what I post between family and old friends.

If you don't trust him that's your issue.

Pinkbonbon · 06/09/2021 21:17

Yeah, it's...somethings off there op.

I think it's one of those things where if something simple like that gets made to feel like you're asking for a bloody wedding proposal, he's hiding something (And that something might be you).

Have a feeling this one needs to be thrown back op.

Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:19

@ActonSquirrel if he’d been a stranger before then maybe I’d agree . But as I said in my OP, we knew each other before too for quite a while.

OP posts:
thefourgp · 06/09/2021 21:19

Sounds like he doesn’t want people to know you’re dating. Trust your instincts when you start dating someone. They’re usually right.

Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:20

@Pinkbonbon yes, I think you might be right. Such a shame though as we get on so well

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:21

@thefourgp yes I usually totally go with my instincts

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 06/09/2021 21:21

[quote Nightmare70]@ActonSquirrel if he’d been a stranger before then maybe I’d agree . But as I said in my OP, we knew each other before too for quite a while.[/quote]
OK but you clearly weren't close enough friends to be a FB friend back then. Why would 2 months of dating change that?

Pinkbonbon · 06/09/2021 21:24

Anything else came up red flag wise?

Texting other ppl late at night when he is with you? Avoiding taking call from you/visiting you at specific times or on certain days? Cancelling or rearranging plans at the last minute? Being wishwashy about whether you are 'together' or not ect (Can be signs of dating other ppl).

TubeOfSmarties · 06/09/2021 21:25

I'd probably find it weird if a bloke was mithering me to be FB friends after a couple of months. I've got nothing to hide but wouldn't want any us being together type stuff posted on there at that point for all and sundry to be speculating about.

Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:25

@Pinkbonbon no none of that at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:26

@TubeOfSmarties I had no intention of posting loads of stuff ( or even anything at this stage) about us at all!

OP posts:
PearlyRising · 06/09/2021 21:31

Red flag definitely.

My last bf added me sitting in front of me!

He was honest and committed to me. Others i didnt realise were players denied even being on fb! Would add me, told me they didnt use fb, blocked me in between first and 2nd dates.

PearlyRising · 06/09/2021 21:32

@thefourgp

Sounds like he doesn’t want people to know you’re dating. Trust your instincts when you start dating someone. They’re usually right.
Yes to this.
Original poster
Nightmare70 · 06/09/2021 21:37

Someone in RL suggested I should just send him a friend request and see what happens….

OP posts:
LittleCatDog · 06/09/2021 21:40

@Pinkbonbon

The instinct may be for some to say it's an insignificant thing but speaking from experience: do some digging.

I had a guy I was seeing tell me he didn't have fb. Some things were not ringing true about him after seeing him for a few months and I just had the instinct to look for a fb. I searched for his sister and found his profile tagged in pictures. An active, busy profile. I'm not sure why he felt the need to lie but it was one lot of bs too much for me. I suspect he was seeing others and didn't want to risk us cottoning on.

Also another guy I was dating who said he didbt have one, I googled and not only did he have one but he also had a girlfriend!

'People from his past' I'm betting = other women I'm either seeing already or dont want to know I have a gf.

Yes, fb may not be a big deal. But he us being sketchy af op. And that's never a good sign.

Have you met his friends yet?
Do you go on proper dates or stay in?

Yes! Same thing happened to me. Started off saying he didn't have Facebook. Then changed it to the classic 'psycho ex' story, if I add you she will see and hassle you. The truth was he had a fiancé and a baby!!!! Ffs.
lbpie · 06/09/2021 21:42

@ActonSquirrel

But why though?

Going against the grain I don't want a man I've dated for 2 months having access to what I post between family and old friends.

If you don't trust him that's your issue.

Being physically intimate with someone on a regular (non casual) basis is surely more private/intimate than whatever you post on fb.....unless you have something to hide!