Why do some women tend to enter into this vicious circle?

[susyxo]

Why do some of us women, not all but some tend to start a litte game called **the comparison game, especially when a boyfriend,friend or anyone else mentions another women as being very beatiful, having a great job, looking physically beautiful , having tons of suitors, why do we begin to get so curious as to whom this chic is, wanting to know everything about her and if she really is what people say that she is, especially being a comment coming from a partner.

I have always had the curiosity why that little light just turns on when this happens, the competition begins, the comparison, the wanting to look better than her.,what does she have that I don’t have, and so on?!

Is this an intentional behavior or is it a natural response of being a woman? And why other women don’t even care about doing this??, they just live their lives and dont give a damn?

Hate to be that person, but I have never done this.

How do you treat these other women, or is it just a game in your head?

chic

Happily don’t know what you’re on about. What’s a chic?

I've never done or felt like that either.

More than that, I don't know anyone else who does it either

I don't recognise what you're talking about, doesn't sound very nice though

Because they’re very insecure? Can’t say this is something I find myself afflicted with but assume if someone is to focus that much on someone else purely from a casual comment, there’s some self esteem issues going on.

I don't recognise it, either. Then again, I'm someone who is enthusiastic about opposite-sex friends for both sexes. I don't regard DH's female friends as rivals any more than I expect him to regard my male friends as some kind of threat.

Probably because we want to be his number one in his eyes.

How would a boyfriend or husband react to her talking about how handsome, successful, whatever a guy in their social circle is?

@AnneLovesGilbert

Happily don’t know what you’re on about. What’s a chic?

Le freak So chic Freak out!

You're welcome for the ear worm 😂

OP I do recognise what you're talking about, I did this a LOT when I was younger and very insecure. I think a lot of it stemmed from my parents' utterly vile and sexist attitude - they both commented continually on the appearance of female friends, neighbours and family. We'd go over to my grandma's for the day and on the way home they'd talk about how much weight my aunt had put on or ooh, isn't your cousin looking old? She should take care, her husband will be trading her in if she doesn't smarten up.

My dad continually had affairs throughout the marriage and he always told my mum "What do you expect? She's so much prettier than you." He would fuck off with the OW for a few weeks, then she'd realise he was a bag of shite and he'd come crawling back to my mum.

As we got older, my sister and I were also commented on and encouraged to compete with each other. We both ended up with eating disorders and this bitter feeling of furious envy if any woman was referred to as attractive. And if a partner said he found another woman attractive? OH HELL NO. Because from watching my parents' marriage, man finds woman attractive ➡️ man fucks attractive woman ➡️ man leaves current partner.

I was late 20s by the time I finally found a healthy relationship and in time I was able to drop the burden of this horrible attitude.

Another thing that helped was to stop consuming media that polices women's bodies - the Daily Mail being a prime example of this.

My partner would never be so crass as to say anything like this to me, and if anyone else says it, I couldn't give a monkeys.

Are you talking about when a husband or boyfriend is attracted to some other woman (or gets involved with them) and the girlfriend/wife immediately thinks it is a reflection of her personally?

The OW is skinnier, younger, blonder, kinkier - whatever?

Or are you just talking about women competing against women for anything - men, attention, praise...

"when a boyfriend ... mentions another women as being very beatiful, having a great job, looking physically beautiful , having tons of suitors"

Because that's how you are meant to respond, its called 'negging'

LTB

@RantyAunty

Probably because we want to be his number one in his eyes.

How would a boyfriend or husband react to her talking about how handsome, successful, whatever a guy in their social circle is?

You see, that's so bizarre and insecure a response to me -- I don't think of there being Only Space For One Woman in my husband's life, just as I don't think there's one man-shaped space in mine. I have successful, good-looking male friends. DH's best female friend is the director of a major contemporary art museum and jets enviably around the world curating exhibitions. This doesn't keep me awake at night.

Maybe because the man is deliberately mentioning these things in order to make you feel insecure?

Or because you've had men in your past that have done that. And so now you automatically compare yourself because your self esteem is so low.

I wouldnt assume it was the womans issue. Other than the fact that she picks crappy men.

But if she generally feels like other women are the competition all the time, even without a guy pitting her off against them, I would suspect that she suffered from a cluster b personality such as histrionic or narcissistic personality disorder. Because no, it is not normal female behaviour.

I don't think this is normal. I've never had a man go on about other women in that kind of way, and if they did I would just think they were weirdly observant and not really think about it again.

To be honest, I think I'm a pretty good catch so I don't really bother to compare myself negatively to other people on a regular basis. Maybe it's a low self esteem thing but I think your reaction says more about you than the person who is saying stuff about other women. Sounds like you know that though.

It's not just women @susyxo, plenty of men do this too. It is a manifestation of their insecurities, and has little to actually do with the person they're comparing themselves to

@AnneLovesGilbert

Happily don’t know what you’re on about. What’s a chic?

Something french

I don't do this OP, it's not a woman thing, more a personality thing.

I don't do this, simply because I don't care what anyone else is doing really. Not really. I'm more competitive with myself.

Suspect it's a symptom of low self esteem. Or your partner is an arsehole planting seeds of doubt in your head. Only you'll know which is true.

I did this as a teen, people (not just women) do this when they're very insecure. I don't compare myself to others these because I have good self esteem, I know there are plenty of women my partner finds more attractive than me but as long as he isn't shagging them it doesn't bother me in the slightest

Insecurity or immaturity I'd guess. And men can be as guilty of that as women. Its not specifically a woman thing.

Sorry to be blunt but I don’t think this is a ‘female issue’, I think it’s a ‘you issue’

@LargeBouquet

That wasn't my point.

Do you bang on to your husband about how hot and successful a guy you know is?

What?