Why do some women tend to enter into this vicious circle?

[susyxo]

Why do some of us women, not all but some tend to start a litte game called **the comparison game, especially when a boyfriend,friend or anyone else mentions another women as being very beatiful, having a great job, looking physically beautiful , having tons of suitors, why do we begin to get so curious as to whom this chic is, wanting to know everything about her and if she really is what people say that she is, especially being a comment coming from a partner.

I have always had the curiosity why that little light just turns on when this happens, the competition begins, the comparison, the wanting to look better than her.,what does she have that I don’t have, and so on?!

Is this an intentional behavior or is it a natural response of being a woman? And why other women don’t even care about doing this??, they just live their lives and dont give a damn?

Sounds like the sort of thing a man might think about how women feel! I can honestly say I’ve never felt like this and would also never refer to another woman as a chic (sic)

[quote RantyAunty]@LargeBouquet

That wasn't my point.

Do you bang on to your husband about how hot and successful a guy you know is?[/quote]
It may not have been your point, but that's what you said, that you wanted to be 'number one in his eyes'.

No, I can't imagine the conversation the OP recounts being anything other than entirely imaginary.

@susyxo

Why do some of us women, not all but some tend to start a litte game called **the comparison game, especially when a boyfriend,friend or anyone else mentions another women as being very beatiful, having a great job, looking physically beautiful , having tons of suitors, why do we begin to get so curious as to whom this chic is, wanting to know everything about her and if she really is what people say that she is, especially being a comment coming from a partner.

I have always had the curiosity why that little light just turns on when this happens, the competition begins, the comparison, the wanting to look better than her.,what does she have that I don’t have, and so on?!

Is this an intentional behavior or is it a natural response of being a woman? And why other women don’t even care about doing this??, they just live their lives and dont give a damn?

A lot of men do this but when a man Witt more money is mentioned , or someone with a better job , taller or more romantic Women have always been valued and pitted against one another by men based in youth qnd looks , why is it surprising thag this affects some women badly There’s a reason women suffer body image disorder and eating disorders in much higher rates than men . It’s not because women are somehow weaker or deficient , it’s to do with excessive and almost exclusive value placed on women’s looks !

I've never had a partner who did this, so no idea. I have my insecurities but grew up in a family that 'didn't make personal remarks' and I've come to feel that wasn't a bad idea.

I did say to my bf last week that David Gilmour circa 1972 was my free pass. I feel a bit bad now, it was supposed to be a joke.

Negging came straight to my mind too.

I’ll add that many many men are excessively invested in how women look ( every woman they meet who they think is worth looking at ) and will happily rant on and sing other women’s praises based entirely on superficial stuff . Many women
Are simply sick of this crap and l don’t want to be around men who think that’s what women’s greatest value is and do not see the reason for a man to be rating women’s looks and telling her his assessments
Most guys like this have very outdated views on gender and think a woman brings looks to the table whilst a man brings money and provides
But you can bet your ass they wouldn’t like it if a woman was constantly saying oh wow he makes a lot of money or look what he buys his gf / wife , wow . He sure has a great job , is tall , successful to every man she saw who caught her eye

I have never experienced this feeling. My boyfriend would never make never feel jealous over anyone else and is forever complimenting now on how beautiful I am and the effect I have on him.

I have genuinely never done this, and don't think it's a common 'thing'. Most of the women I know well are happy in their own skin and really not interested in comparing themselves with others. If I / they were to find themselves with a man who criticised / negged / compared them with others, then they would just lose the man - problem solved.

It sounds like a fruitless, joyless game. I'm guessing it's borne of insecurity. And there are some men who enjoy pulling a woman down, making her doubt herself, so she becomes insecure and won't consider leaving him. It makes him feel superior to her. These men are sad individuals. A decent man would never dream of intentionally making his OH feel bad, in fact he'd want to build her up and make her feel good about herself.

We none of us are perfect. When we're with the 'right' person we don't worry about the inperfections - we know we're basically good. We all have good and bad points, strenghts, weaknesses - comparing is fruitless.

As I said above, most women just don't compare themselves with others though.

I know I'm not a great beauty, I don't have multiple degrees, I'm not the 'best' at anything. Nor is my DH. But we love each other and each fancy the other more than anyone else. I'm well thought of at work. I think I'm a good Mum, wife, daughter, friend, employee. What more could I want?

By the way I think this goes both ways (it can be the woman doing the criticising and the man feeling insecure) but I think it's more common for men to play on women's insecurities.

I don't recognise this.

I really don’t know. I have robust self esteem, I know my worth and I’m not about to compete with anyone. It seems a horrible way to live.