When you stop letting a narcissist have control

[thecatsarecrazy]

I met someone online last year. I soon had my doubts about him, I suspected he was love bombing me. I did some research on love bombing and narcissists so I could be aware of the signs. But even when he did start ticking all the boxes, for reasons even I don't know about I still entertained him.
Last October he said he loved me then a few weeks after he changed. Become controling. I was in a trauma bond because the highs were keeping me there, he would upset me but I kept making excuses.
Now I realize how utterly ridiculous the whole thing is.
If I post a picture on twitter for e.g just a selfie he will WhatsApp me telling me to get it off.
He follows 1000s of people including half naked women and never likes or comments on anything. Including my tweets so I'm assuming he is very clever and sneaky at Keeping who he talks to in messages.
I already know for a fact about one woman as she showed me the screenshots.
So my question is.. if I just do as o please, post what I want, openly chat with who I want and basically take his control away. What will he likely do? Get nasty? Just move on to the next?

There is only one answer to the question dump him! Do you know him in real life?

I don't know him well enough in real life no. There's a distance between us. I haven't seen him in person for a while because he's always had excuses. New job, covid restrictions etc. He said he was going to try and move stuff around this month so he could visit but he's gone quiet about that. He could basically be doing anything at the weekends while at home and I wouldn't have a clue.

I hope you don't take your picture off Twitter when he tells you, I would post another one.

He sounds an utter waste of headspace. You've not even known him that long OP + you barely see him. So you don't really know him anyway, neither is he your partner from the way it sounds.

Do some self-reflection work to come to terms with and address with honesty why you're entertaining pointless nonsense.

Bin him and block. You've clocked what he is like, so leave him to his own toxic self.

Block, delete, move on!

Listen to your intuition,if he makes you feel weird and uncomfortable if you feel anxious then don't think twice.Run as fast as you can.
It took me 12 years to figure out that it's not me that is the problem and further 5 to free myself.Now,that I understand how narcissism works I would stay far,far away.

Thank you. He's trying to wind me up today and I'm not biting. He said he's going drinking tonight. I said ok have a good time. Then he said I'm sorry am I not allowed out? I replied what? He said do you not want me to go. I never said anything about it. I said I told u to have a good time. He said I'm just checking...
I think more likely he's hoping I'm wondering what he's up to. I wish I had someone to go out with.

Agree with the other posters. If you deliberately do things to wind him up you are still giving his space in your life that you could use for more deserving friends. Block and dump would be my advice.

I had an online friendship with a man in the USA. He represented himsef to be in a glamerous profession (personal hairdresser and stylist to celebrities). Then he began to tell me how his mom was in hospital and he needed money to pay for an operation. That raised a red flag with me because its not the kind of thing to go one about to others. I tried to pull away and change the subject. I began to back off and respond less and less. After a few weeks he came right out and asked me to loan him $50,000. I made excuses and said I would have to speak to my accountant (I run an online business). My nephew showed me how to do an online image search and we found his picture on an anti scam site. He uses multiple names/professions and has scammed various women out of thousands of dollers. I blocked his email and IP address at deep server level so I do not even see his messages and blocked my phone to all international calls. I had a narrow escape.

I have not gone to the police because I want no further involvement.

Just stop replying to his goady messages and block him on everything. It’s not like you’re seeing him that often so in effect you could ghost him. I wouldn’t normally advise that but you owe him nothing given how he’s behaved. He’s doing classic triangulation with the social media following and gaslighting with the texts about going out today. Dump him pronto!

Why are you even entertaining this crap

Just tell him you are no longer interested in what he does, and block him from everything

Coming from someone who put up with this kind of behaviour for 6 years, get out now and don’t give him a second more of your time. He will only get worse should you decide to make things more official.

@Chloemol

Why are you even entertaining this crap

Just tell him you are no longer interested in what he does, and block him from everything

Easy as this

You know he’s bad news, you know no good will come of it. So how come you’re still trying to think of ways to play him at his own game? He won’t change and you certainly won’t win a psychological war against someone like this.

So why haven’t you dumped and blocked yet?

Why are you engaging with such a man. It's not like you're even in a relationship so just block and delete. Seems like you're enjoying the drama

You’re not really in a relationship with him. You’re in a relationship with his online persona and he doesn’t even seem to want to meet you. He has zero claim on you and he sounds like a dick. Block delete move on.

@thecatsarecrazy

Thank you. He's trying to wind me up today and I'm not biting. He said he's going drinking tonight. I said ok have a good time. Then he said I'm sorry am I not allowed out? I replied what? He said do you not want me to go. I never said anything about it. I said I told u to have a good time. He said I'm just checking... I think more likely he's hoping I'm wondering what he's up to. I wish I had someone to go out with.

But he is winding you up isn’t he? And he still has control until you break it off. You can do it! Be brave

There's literally no point engaging with people like him.

Drop the rope.

Just drop the rope, block, move on with your life.

I don't see this as his problem, but your problem.

He has made it clear he's a dick, but you continue to engage.

You must be getting something out of it...

Stop playing the game. Until you do, he's in control.

I was getting something out of it, it's true. I liked the attention. He texts me every morning, throughout the day and goodnight every night. So yes I fully admit I was getting a kick out of that. But all the nice messages about we would make a great couple, and I think about you all day have been replaced by with filth or control. And its a hard thing to admit to yourself that it's all been shit. I would miss the company I guess for want of a better word but certainly not the drama.

Block, delete, move on. You barely know this dickhead. Why do you care what he thinks????

I think the problem is that you suffer from low self-esteem. If you didn't, when it became obvious that the love-bombing was a fantasy/act and that he was actually a rather nasty and controlling piece of work, you would have just told him to fuck off and blocked him.

If you enjoyed the attention and good feelings created by the love-bombing, you can create them for yourself by immediately stopping putting one more second of time into this jerk and instead putting all that time into learning how to validate and be kind and loving to yourself. Once you really learn to love and validate yourself, you will no longer accept shitty treatment that come with a side of fake compliments.

*comes with a side

He clearly has issues, which geography should make it easier for you to avoid him. The only question you should be asking is, why hasn’t x, y and z not been enough for me to walk away? By making it about him you avoid asking pertinent questions about yourself.