When you stop letting a narcissist have control

[thecatsarecrazy]

I met someone online last year. I soon had my doubts about him, I suspected he was love bombing me. I did some research on love bombing and narcissists so I could be aware of the signs. But even when he did start ticking all the boxes, for reasons even I don't know about I still entertained him.
Last October he said he loved me then a few weeks after he changed. Become controling. I was in a trauma bond because the highs were keeping me there, he would upset me but I kept making excuses.
Now I realize how utterly ridiculous the whole thing is.
If I post a picture on twitter for e.g just a selfie he will WhatsApp me telling me to get it off.
He follows 1000s of people including half naked women and never likes or comments on anything. Including my tweets so I'm assuming he is very clever and sneaky at Keeping who he talks to in messages.
I already know for a fact about one woman as she showed me the screenshots.
So my question is.. if I just do as o please, post what I want, openly chat with who I want and basically take his control away. What will he likely do? Get nasty? Just move on to the next?

You need to lovebomb yourself and work on why you feel the need to allow someone to abuse you.

You will be further abusing yourself by allowing it to continue as it's causing you pain.

Breaking free will be painful but you can do it, it's like being an addict coming off drugs.

Find support in good friends who care and love yourself. There are plenty of resources online which you can use as well.

I wish everyone would stop calling frankly abusive nasty people narcissists, it gives them further power

Just block the wanker and find other ways to combat your loneliness.
Good luck

I did some research on love bombing and narcissists so I could be aware of the signs.

Sounds like confirmation bias.

You decided he was a narcissist and looked for evidence he was one.

Narcissism I mean genuine narcissism is extremely rare.

He likely isn't one. But you're choosing to play into whatever he is doing so 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think you need to ask yourself why you are still answering him. It does sound like you enjoy the game too much.

Why on earth are you engaging with him still? He's showed you he doesn't like you - you said his messages are controlling or filth. No signs of the love he talked of early on.

He follows lots of 'half naked' women. He taunts you that he's going out in the hope of making you jealous / insecure - this is all with the aim of building his control over you and how you feel.

Just drop the rope. Stop responding. Draw a line. That way you take back your power. He won't get the satisfaction of controlling you. You will feel stronger and better about yourself.

Then you can enjoy being happily single - without this vile man draining your energy and turning you in to someone different - and if you want, you will be open to meeting someone else... a decent person who treats you with respect and is fun to be with.

He just sounds like he loves the drama and the control it gives him.

@thecatsarecrazy

Thank you. He's trying to wind me up today and I'm not biting. He said he's going drinking tonight. I said ok have a good time. Then he said I'm sorry am I not allowed out? I replied what? He said do you not want me to go. I never said anything about it. I said I told u to have a good time. He said I'm just checking... I think more likely he's hoping I'm wondering what he's up to. I wish I had someone to go out with.

He is playing games and really trying to needle you, isn't he? Twat.

Like everyone else, just wondering why you are giving this man headspace. If you don't want the drama then end it now or are you hooked on the drama?

Narcissism I mean genuine narcissism is extremely rare

Nope, diagnosis of NPD is rare but that doesn't mean narcissists are rare. Many PhD specialists estimate the incidence to be considerably higher than previously thought because NPD individuals do not seek counselling. Estimates come from surveys as the chance of a narcissist agreeing to be diagnosed is extremely rare.
The world needs greater education on toxic individuals and it doesn't help if people's reality is dismissed. Not everyone who behaves badly is a narcissist but narcissists are the cause behind most high conflict and damaging relationships.

When you stop letting a narcissist have control
Is the title of this thread but from what you have written you are still being controlled

@thecatsarecrazy

Thank you. He's trying to wind me up today and I'm not biting. He said he's going drinking tonight. I said ok have a good time. Then he said I'm sorry am I not allowed out? I replied what? He said do you not want me to go. I never said anything about it. I said I told u to have a good time. He said I'm just checking... I think more likely he's hoping I'm wondering what he's up to. I wish I had someone to go out with.

This one's a really serious obvious one. You know exactly what he's playing at. You know it.

Your last sentance is the key here. I hope you can find someone better to hang out with, not this manipulative dreg.

Don’t waste your time on him, he will end up controlling every aspect of your life, friends will disappear and he will make you totally miserable and you’ll feel like you’re treading on eggshells all the time with him.

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

I don't see this as his problem, but your problem.

He has made it clear he's a dick, but you continue to engage.

You must be getting something out of it...

^^This. Stop trying to diagnose his flaws and work a bit harder on your own.

The only way to stop him doing this is to drop the rope. Stop engaging, even by agreeing with him and giving him what he wants (such as his night out) he is still looking at ways to engage with you. Hence him gaslighting you by accusing you of telling him he can't go, even when you did nothing of the sort. By continuing as you would, talking to who you want and posting what you want, is that he will continue to engage with you.

I stood up to my narcissistic dh once. I wanted to go out, from work with a friend for something to eat. I gave him 2 weeks notice. In that time he got annoyed, got angry, sulked, tried to be nice, threatened me, bought me flowers, then he kicked me. Eventually he said 'if you go out, don't bother coming home' so that's exactly what I did.

You will never win. The only way to win is to ignore, block and delete

Wow he sounds so boring apart from anything else. Why are you wasting time even answering his texts.

He'll probably start acting really nice again since you're drawing back. Don't be fooled!