Does anyone want to start a No contact thread with me.

[Ilovetheseventies]

Hi just ended it with DP after almost 4 yrs it seems that he doesn't want me to move in with him and has gone from wanting it to not mentioning it to admitting not wanting it. so I don't want to continue as I want more than this. I'm heart broken but at the same time relieved as I knew there was something wrong.
I think he's just been using me for company and sex.
We had an argument over what's app Thursday night over our future and I've heard nothing.
I feel ill with thinking about it all.
Really panicky and tearful but at the same time I know I can't waste any more time.
Its just getting through the next few days and weeks.
He has things here although not much. We had things planned too.
I have to stay off social media and stay strong.

You’re already two days in to no contact, and these first few days and weeks really are the hardest!

I’m not ready to go NC yet but it’s coming, and I know from past experience that it does work.

Have you got anything nice planned this weekend for yourself?

Hi OP.
I'm just out of isolation and so I'm going to go for a drive and a coffee.
Crickey its difficult mind keeps playing loads of tricks on me.
I'm holding onto the fact that I was thoroughly so unhappy in the relationship.
I've drawn a heart and for everyday there's no contact ill put a star on it. So one star tomorrow.
Have you done NC before ?
I have in the olden days but that was easier before social media.

Sorry 2 stars tomorrow.
Tonight I'm going to count my blessings. Does this sound terribly corny.

Gosh no, it’s a good idea and tangible way of counting the time especially when you start craving the familiar and tricking yourself into thinking that you can’t do it - keep at it! Been there myself a few times and it’s so hard

Get yourself a savings jar-for every day you manage NC put a pound coin in it. I did this when I was really struggling and it helped me -even better, 3 months later I had about £100 which I spent on treating myself! You can do it! X

How did you feel after 3 months ? Toffpops.
My neighbours are playing some kind of folky pops type music the kind you'd get at a Romanian wedding. Its almost bringing a smile to my face.

@Ilovetheseventies I was a bit all over the place. Tried to see how things were after NC, he was all about trying again-it lasted all of a month then I realised nothing had changed. So I ended it. Since then I’ve had NC but this time I didn’t need the jar-I knew I’d tried everything (for just under a year I’d been trying to save our marriage pretty much single handedly) to make him change his mind and so it was time to save what was left of me. That was 3 months ago and I honestly feel so good now. Is as if all the stress of the last year has lifted from me and I’m making plans for me and DD’s future🤗

Thats really good. I bet you are glad you made the move. Its a no brainer really.
I'm going to keep posting in the hope that more people join.
I'm going to IKEA today with my DD. She's 17. I don't think I will struggle for things to do tbh.
I had a dream about him last night, we were meeting up for a day out but then he said we were meeting 7 other people. Weird.

@Ilovetheseventies enjoy your trip to IKEA! It’s great your DD is of an age where you can do things together and chat like adults. Not that I mean offload about how you’re feeling but you don’t have to plaster on the happy face that we do when the DC are tiny. My DD is 13 and great company! Have a lovely day together x

@Toffpops

Get yourself a savings jar-for every day you manage NC put a pound coin in it. I did this when I was really struggling and it helped me -even better, 3 months later I had about £100 which I spent on treating myself! You can do it! X

This is a really great idea.

Ilovetheseventies, I'm really sorry that you're going through a breakup but actually, I take my hat off to you for realising that this relationship wasn't doing anything for you and wasn't going anywhere. You were dead right and you knew it.

There are better times out there for you now, you just have to get through this disentangling. I wish somebody had said that to me.

The only thing is I have known for such a long time and not had the guts to do anything about it. IKEA was ok but I was wondering around in abit of a trance.
I felt terrible when I got home had to take a nap. The feelings of sadness are over whelming that scares me abit.
The thing that keeps me going is that I wasn't happy. I'm not particularly happy now though. In the depths of despair. Never initially thought this would happen.
Still one day at a time. I'm hoping its going to get better.
I spoke to a friend last night about how he has ignored me and they said he's avoiding confrontation.
Whenever we argued he would walk out on me. Not that I want to hear from him its just so painful. Have to take each day as it comes.
One of my other friends keeps asking have you heard anything . "I reckon he will contact you "
I told her to stop asking me. She has been a fantastic support to me apart from that though. Thank God.

@Ilovetheseventies, I feel for you. 4 years is a long time and bound to be painful but you will get through this and you had to rip the plaster off at some point.
I'm 4 months no contact and it is getting better but it has been painful. I've kept myself busy with various projects.
There was a lot of back and forth that ultimately was not getting us anywhere and I was getting rejected and played with. He even told me he slept with someone just after our breakup as a rebound, that was the worst thing to come to terms with. He didn't see he had done anything wrong and had no empathy for the way I felt. In the end, I've blocked him everywhere. I'm giving him no power. It's still hard and I have low days and feel he has a hold over me. Part of this I think is my lack of social contact wfh. I really want to get through it. It takes commitment

You were together quite a long time, you need time to get used to your new normal.
You need to plan some things for yourself, to look forward to. How about some decorating, or planning a trip to a Christmas market ?

@Ilovetheseventies but you went to IKEA when you could have hidden away at home, so give yourself credit for that. It’s going to be hard but it’s much much worse slowly losing yourself xx
@lettgomoveon that sounds rough-mine was something similar-eventually something just switches in your brain and says ‘enough’

We will all get through this and be stronger. @GoodnightGrandma I love your idea of something nice to plan for Xmas wise-far enough away to be a focus but not too far away-I’m gonna try this!

Well done, you are absolutely doing the right thing. And counting your blessings is a really positive thing to do.

Enjoy your time with your daughter. Enjoy the strength you will feel with every day you decide not to contact him. You know you're doing the right thing, and it will get easier in time.

The alternative is to cave and make contact and either a) he ignores you or says he wants nothing to do with you - in which case you feel worse or b) you get back together and a few days / weeks / months from now you're in this same place again, only it feels worse because even more time has passed.

My main problem was the amount of over thinking I was doing and anxiety related to the whole relationship.
Tonight I was thinking what about if I stay like this. I'm hoping I will feel a little better soon.
Letgomoveon
Thats terrible - fancy telling you he'd slept with someone else that is horrible.
I think because I wasn't living with him I'm not going to struggle with things to do.
I belong to a cold water swimming group and have quite a few friends.
I'm also training for an ultra of 30 miles...
Unfortunately he's doing it unless of course he doesn't because like me he's just getting over covid. Think ill arrange for someone to be there if he is still doing it.
Whether he thinks it or not by not contacting him I feel its making me look stronger. I usually go scuttling back. We never talk about why we fell out.
I will not feel embarrassed or awkward if I have to see him at this race. He really chose to tell me on whats app there was no future and then proceeded to ignore anything I said .
I don't know if I said but he was in an abusive marriage of 23 years 🤔 I'm wondering about that now.

Joining you although have only managed one day. We keep splitting up and getting back together, often instigated by me - because I know deep inside he's not the right man for me.

Just had another argument because found out he's been chatting to other women (previous dates).

I need to be able to sustain the NC this time and focus on my DD & work.

Am kinda in awe of you @Ilovetheseventies, you are accomplishing so much!

Ex/best friend is dating again, and once again i'm devastated (you'd think i'd learn!). Joining for solidarity.

You will all be able to do it when you are ready shabbam and
Rescuer. I've read these forums for a while now. The thought of splitting up just seemed too much. Staying together or splitting up ? Neither of them seemed attractive. But in the end I think it was sending me mad. I felt I had to be constantly on my toes and that I didn't really know him because I wasn't really in his life.
My partner was lovely in lots of ways don't get me wrong but then so was I.
I just think after 4 yrs the going out with each other just wasn't enough. We would see each other on the Tuesday then at the weekend which is probably OK but in the end I realised there's a whole difference between seeing someone and living with them. I wanted to share a life. So if I get upset I do think this wouldn't be a night I would see him anyway.
I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right.
I'd even said you don't talk about the future and does that mean you don't want us to be together and he denied this.
I used to say our lives are not together but in hindsight after falling out about this it was never resolved.

What is everyone doing to keep busy ?

Got a text asking if I was ok then whats apped a couple of times late ish last night. Are you OK?
I think the fact that he told me on whats app he didn't want us to live together then didn't answer any of my responses for 4 days is terrible. And I was home isolating. Am I wrong. I really do not handle being ignored very well atall.
Today I'm going running, cold water swimming,work some training . On line counselling and maybe a concert !
I actually feel much better as if I've regained some control.
Hope everyone enjoys their day. Its another star for me !

I might add the responses were all on the same night 4 days ago. so I haven't been trying to contact him.

Hi @Ilovetheseventies
My phone photo memories took me back to 3 years ago today. It was a time I was going through a breakup. It took me right back to that painful times, and I am so,
So glad I'm not there anymore. It's just a distant memory now, but phone photo memories reminded me how much I was hurting. All the screenshots of conversations, the overanalysing - it's not normal In a happy, Balanced relationship.

Please, keep going. You've got this. Reach out to us when it's unbearable

Joining after 3 months of NC…well, I broke it off once which I now deeply regret.
It’s incredibly painful to start with, especially if you were in a LTR, the pull is so strong. Your head is telling you this is the right thing to do, to show self love and honour your feelings; the heart misses the connection so much. It’s a battle - but it gets easier with time.

The most painful realisation for me was how quickly my ex has moved on, guilt free. He has an ability to compartmentalise his life & feelings and rationalise his decision that absolves him of any responsibility. I found his suggestion of staying friends so that I can offer him emotional support (after breakup initiated by him) borderline offensive.

NC is the only way to allow you to focus on yourself and show yourself the love, care and compassion that you so much need & deserve at this time. Keep on going OP!

Thank you everyone.
My ex wasn't a bad person just not right for me. There's no practical reasons to keep it going. We don't have children together or are married . But
I think I am a person who finds it difficult to let go and it seems to be getting harder still as I age. I love him but at the same time I am miserable.
Still one day at a time. I can understand these kind if relationships such as the push pull...Richard Burton/ Elizabeth Taylor but there's no drink,drugs alcohol money or flamboyance involved.

Whatever you do, don't respond and don't forget he left you feeling like shite and on read for four days, he doesn't really care if you're 'ok', just worried you're moving on faster than he is. They're so deeply predictable that way. You can do this!