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Relationships

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Original poster

I'm 50, is 62 too old for me to date?

38 replies

mrspainful · 04/09/2021 09:07

Just dipped my toe in OLD and have been talking with a 62 year old. I find him physically attractive from the photos. He's really keen to meet for coffee. But my friend says he's too old for me.

It's not just the numbers, we are at very different stages of our lives. I have primary aged children as I started having babies late in life. He's got adult children. He seems lovely but I'm just not sure.

OP posts:

BlancheB · 04/09/2021 09:09

Meet him for a coffee and decide for yourself. Don't listen to your friend, there are plenty of age gap relationships that work out.

LastGirlSanding · 04/09/2021 09:09

I’d be more concerned about the difference in life stages than the age gap tbh. What are you looking for ultimately for a relationship? Do you want to cohabit or blend families and so on eventually?

SGChome20 · 04/09/2021 09:10

I don’t see any harm in meeting someone for a chat and coffee. You don’t owe him anything at this point. Have some fun and don’t overthink it. You may not even like each other but it might give you more confidence if you’ve been out the dating game for a while.

gamerchick · 04/09/2021 09:10

It's nothing to do with anyone else though OP. Why don't you meet him and see where the road leads.

user1471538283 · 04/09/2021 09:11

Meet him if you find him attractive. I think the main concern would be that you are at different stages.

Athrawes · 04/09/2021 09:11

I am 51 and my partner is 63. My son is 11, his is 33. You want what you want.

Original poster

mrspainful · 04/09/2021 09:13

@LastGirlSanding

I'm not looking for co habiting etc, there's no way I'm moving someone in with my children. So just dating. I've told him this which he says his fine, but I think he's looking for the whole shebang, settling down thing, he's just saying what he thinks I want to hear to get me to meet him.

OP posts:

Fireflygal · 04/09/2021 09:20

Meet for coffee. He may not be anything like his photos and the decision will be made for you. If you like him, go for it. You'll find many men your age will have older teens/grown up children so that's not the major factor.

I personally would struggle to date anyone with younger children because that wouldn't suit my life now. If you like him at the meet and have a 2nd date, be honest about your level of commitments to date.

Too often not being able to freely date means parents make unwise decisions to move the relationship quickly, such as meeting the children or even moving in. It seems so common on MN and never sensible.

Bitconfused75 · 04/09/2021 09:20

To be honest, you are overthinking things a bit. At this stage in the game meet for a coffee as soon as possible and see if there's a connection and if not move on.
If there is then the only thing you think about is date 2 and so on.

It's really easy to get overinvested in conversations and people early on when you are online - but it really is nothing till it's something.

I would say though that I wouldn't want to have teenagers and a 70 year old partner in the same way as I wouldn"t want to be being a step parent to young ones when mine had flown the nest.

Join the dating thread in relationships and be happy to kiss a few frogs.

Fireflygal · 04/09/2021 09:22

It's really easy to get overinvested in conversations and people early on when you are online - but it really is nothing till it's something

100% online and real life is totally different. I have had great online connection but zero when we meet up.

Onlinedilema · 04/09/2021 09:24

Yes he's too old.
Would he date a 74year old? Ask him and that will tell you the type of person he is.
I see women whose older husbands die all the time. Women live longer than men too. The majority of men do not look after themselves as much as women do.
The negatives outweigh the positives too much for me.

PurpleEchoLamp · 04/09/2021 09:24

I wouldn't, but that's because my exh was 10 years older than me and a very 'old man'. I'm a 'young' 50, he got 'old' in his 40's!!

Onelifeonly · 04/09/2021 09:29

Just meet him! Worry about the rest it a few months down the line.....if there is line!

takingmytimeonmyride · 04/09/2021 09:30

I'm 45 and my partner is 60. I have teens/young adults and he has older adult children. I told him I never wanted to live with anyone ever again on our first date, at least certainly not while my kids are under 18 (youngest is 14 now)

We've been going out for 18 months and it suits us both well to see each other at the weekends and the occasional weekday date. We've been away a couple of times.

He's very very far from a grumpy old man, unlike my ex who was one from his 40s! (Ex is 10 years older than me) DP is much fitter than me (due to his mysterious hobby that I can't mention because it's cycling outing ) so definitely not doddery old man territory!

He makes me happy which is all I want.

RandomMess · 04/09/2021 09:30

He may be quite happy to just date too!!!

Some men at 62 have put their feet up and seem at the end of life some are very young active and sociable still.

TheSparkling · 04/09/2021 09:33

I think you need to consider the stage of life difference rather than the age. I briefly dated a man who was only 3 years older than me but his children were all in their twenties. He was honest and said my children were too dependant (young teens) and he wanted someone who was completely free at weekends etc. I have also dated men with very young children and found that such a hassle so I understand if from both sides.

What you need is an understanding of what each other is expecting from the relationship in terms of free time and future plans. The age is neither here nor there.

The man I have been happily dating for the last 6 months is ten years older than me and childless but we have a similar outlook and expectations.

I have to admit the age gap worried me at first but those worries have proven unfounded. (So far that is!!)

DoubleTweenQueen · 04/09/2021 09:47

@mrspainful Just meet him for coffee. It's not a big deal.

Fwiw, my DH is not far from 60 but fitter than most men at 40, and looks a great deal younger - is very fit & healthy.
People have different lifestyles and health issues (or none), so age really is just a number in a lot of cases.

You don't really know anything about this man until you meet him and take some time to get to know him, so you need to do that.

Original poster

mrspainful · 04/09/2021 10:08

[quote DoubleTweenQueen]@mrspainful Just meet him for coffee. It's not a big deal.

You don't really know anything about this man until you meet him and take some time to get to know him, so you need to do that.[/quote]
You see, it is a massive deal for me. I'm not sure my ego can cope with being told I'm too fat, too ugly, etc in real life.

I am FULLY taking on board what you're all saying about online not being real life.

I asked him if he was just looking for sex. He replied, "of course not." Not the answer I was hoping for

OP posts:

Bitconfused75 · 04/09/2021 10:25

@mrspainful everyone fears rejection and it takes a while to understand that an online connection isn't the same as meeting someone in real life. I've been on some dates where I've known in seconds that there was no way I was ever going to snog them because their voice, smell, political views, aura whatever just wasn't right for me. And I am sure many have felt the same about me. They never told me outright - we just never arranged to meet again.

A coffee is a no obligation chance to meet each other and see if that connection is there.

You may not like him - so focus on you being the prize rather than the other way round. Is he good enough for you?

And men always say they aren't looking for sex - then many leg it after they have got it!

Meet him and see if you want to meet him.again.

GoodnightGrandma · 04/09/2021 10:28

If he’s saying what you want to hear to get to meet you, he might just want a shag. That’s why he’s not worried about the kids.
Be careful, don’t get used.

SirVixofVixHall · 04/09/2021 10:31

It isn’t that huge a gap. I know quite a few happy couples with bigger gaps than that, including a thirty year gap where he had grown up children and they then had a baby together when he was sixty.
You may have a rapport, you may not, I wouldn’t think of the future when you haven’t even met him, you might completely fall in love with him, or not like him at all.
Just have a coffee.

Onelifeonly · 04/09/2021 10:45

But by not meeting him, you are over investing in a fantasy version of him. I like the advice of thinking of yourself as the prize and meeting him with a view to see whether he is actually of any real interest to you. The rest is a bit of small talk. If he doesn't want to meet again and you do, you don't need to find out why. He doesn't know you so he isn't rejecting 'you' in any meaningful way.

ramarama · 04/09/2021 10:46

if you aren't looking to combine lives/co-habit, there is zero risk (well, there's a risk you will have a dull or tedious hour's coffee, but that's manageable risk)

Do it. in OLD i've been surprised by the ones I've been keen on

NantesElephant · 04/09/2021 10:55

I am in an age gap relationship and would advise you to just go and see what happens. The age gap makes little difference physically as he does a lot of sport and is still very fit.

The difference in life stage is significant. The relationships I have with his adult children and his grandchildren have been an unexpected joy. As my teens are still at home with me and we can both afford it we live separately. It suits us to have our own space, but might not work for everyone.

Sidge · 04/09/2021 11:51

Just meet him and play it by ear.

Dating at 50is different to dating in your 20s - you’re not looking for marriage necessarily, and no babies, so just meet him and have fun. Might be something, might be nothing but you could have a lovely time along the way.

I had a “thing” with a guy ten years older than me when I was 48. I was wary of seeing an older man but he was fit, active and financially and emotionally secure. No kids and never met mine. I had a blast - he wasn’t a long term option but I am still in touch with him now and I am very fond of him. We literally did the fun stuff where I could be “me”and not “mum”.

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