Divorce and the kids. Is this arrangement viable longterm?

[Moolihooli]

We have 2 kids aged 12 and 7. Although we had begun divorce proceedings at the end of 2019, when lockdown happened we decided it was best for the kids to stay together for the time being.

We used that time to sort out finances etc. She is keeping the house and I recently moved into a small flat. Unfortunately the only place I can afford nearby is a small 1 bed flat.

It’s really important that I’m within walking distance to the kids. Especially since I don’t have enough room to have them overnight.

But I don’t know how long this is viable. Only having the children for the day is very hard. I tell myself that the unsuitably of the flat means it’s best for them but I don’t know how true that is in the longterm.

How damaging will it be if I don’t have regular sleepovers? We have agreed that I will take them on holidays but is that enough?

'So would you feel this het up about a family moving house?'

Tbf to me, I'm really not 'het up' am I? My posts have all been measured and polite.

I think children thrive with consistency so it's best, where possible, to avoid several big changes at once. I think for children who are otherwise settled moving house is fine. I think for children who have just been through a parental divorce and are getting used to all that entails would be better off staying in their current home, if at all possible. I also think children are better off with one consistent home (the pre-existing one or a new one) than being shunted back and forth between parents.

That's just my opinion though, based on my own experience. You should do whatever you feel is best. But probably best not to accuse people of being manipulative, disingenuous women just because they disagree with you!

[quote TheReluctantPhoenix]@Shehasadiamondinthesky,

That is just wrong.

That is ONLY the case if there are sufficient marital assets to meet both parties’ ‘needs’ post divorce, so only really applies when the assets are in the millions (as I assume yours were).

The starting point is to meet both party’s needs from the total assets. Only once that test has been met are pre marital assets excluded.

OP needs proper legal advice and to claim what is his in law.[/quote]
No way not millions just a £250,000 house!!! I spent years as a single parent on my own working two jobs to pay for that house so my son would have a place to live when I'm gone.
My ex husband came along and lived off me (cocklodged basically - more fool him) for 20 years before running off with another woman.
i was not prepared to let him take my son's inheritance.
Slightly different case to the OP. I had no children with my exH.

[quote Fireflygal]@twinningatlife, completely wrong.

Op, you are entitled to a share of the assets so that you can purchase an adequate property to house your children when they are with you. Finances and assets from the marriage are divided so that is possible for both parties.

It doesn't matter if she owned the house beforehand or if she has contributed more. You were married and as a result assets are joint.

I would advise you to seek legal advice. Not to make this hostile as that isn't in anyone's interests but if you are the weaker party financially your position will be protected.

I think you need to have adequate housing for your dc. It's not just a bedroom but they need space when with you to relax, do homework etc. This will only increase, especially the 7 year old

If your ex refuses to sell, there still needs to be a solution so that you can fund a house deposit (she might need re mortgage). What do you know about finances? Equity, savings, pensions?

Don't walk away without a housing solution as it will impact your relationship with your children. It's admirable that you want to remain amicable but equally your Ex needs to be amicable (and reasonable) and recognise you have housing needs.[/quote]
My solicitor said to me at the time as my ex obviously wanted half that anything I owned pre marriage that is in my name is mine, he can't have it. He can only have a piece of what we both owned together which in my case was nothing.
He lived in my original house and contributed nothing to it. It was in my name.
You need to speak to a solicitor to find out exactly what you are entitled to because it is not cut and dried.