To think you can be single & happy?

[bonfireheart]

I am divorced. I have a great job, travel lots, no money or health worries, amazing family, friends...I am happy and comfortable, I am not looking for a boyfriend at all, last relationship broke up 5 years, have a FWB situation that works really well as he gives me lots of space. I can't reiterate enough that I am happy and happily single. Yet I have an old friend who keeps messaging me saying how sad he feels thinking about me and how sad/lonely it must be being single. I know he and his wife are having issues, she pretty much told me she's not fussed if they break up. I tell him I am happy. Then a few weeks later he will be like "oh I was thinking of you and feel so sad to think how alone you are". I don't get it....am I weird?! Or do people genuinely think you cannot be happy being single?

That sounds such an odd thing for him to do, it leads me to ask if you are sure he really is a friend?

Sounds like he's projecting his worries about finding himself alone. His marriage is clearly at the end, and that is a sad and lonely situation. Your life sounds great.

He sounds needy.
You sound great.

Life isn't black and white it's many more than 50 shades of grey.

No you're not weird you're what your male friend wants to be but he clearly hasn't got the balls you have.

Keep moving forward......

Sounds like he's trying it on with you.

Definitely. I've been single for four years.

I have my lovely cool bed to myself, I can have fish & veg for supper, no complaints about spending too long with ds, or spending too much on clothes. I can dance with ds in the kitchen without comments about being childish.
No-one borrowing things without asking, no being pushed to keep up with the neighbours.
It's fab. So much more relaxed.

No you’re definitely right and sound like you’re in a healthy, happy place, which is great!

Agree with PP that he’s projecting as he knows his relationship is on the rocks and is worried about it ending.

I think he's hoping you'll say "oh yes im so lonely and ill shag you".
Call me cynical.

He’s after a shag.

Haha no way is he getting a shag, think he just wants everyone else to be unhappy cos he is. Plan on blocking him if he says it again, don't like having negative energy in my life.
@Mintjulia yes!! It's bliss isn't it :)

He’s sounding you out.

I think those people can’t understand how you can be single because they are incapable of being alone.

It’s definitely a reflection on them not you. I was very happy being single & had the same from my neighbour weekly. Lots of head cocking ‘Aren’t you lonely?’/‘I don’t like to think of you all alone’ etc. Yawn.

That's so true @ClaudiaWinkleHam, I am comfortable in my own skin and company.

Hmm. He’s a bit invested….
Though personally I always associate being single as just that, no fwb or fb, just me.

Not sure why!!

People can't see beyond their own lives or expectations.

As a single person, the idea of being in a cohabiting relationship or marriage is anathema to me. I'm not wired to want that and want my own space. But then we mostly desire love in some form.

I'd be tempted to message him "Oh mate, obvious fail. I'm cringing. Let's never speak of this again, OK?"

I am happiest in a great relationship but happier single than in a bad relationship. Actually happiest when living on my own but in a great relationship. Best of both worlds.

Statistically, women are more likely to be happy when single.

Yes, he's checking whether you need a shoulder to cry on (or rather his dick).

I see it as the projection thing. I wander if he wants you to say 'yes I'm so unhappy and lonely' so he can use it in his negotiations on his own relationship?

I'm with you though, life is a LOT more relaxed. Imagine living with a fun sponge like your friend!

Not RTFT, but agree with pp 'He's sounding you out', 'He's after a shag'

It’s all personal, isn’t it? Some people could be, some people couldn’t.

Personally, I couldn’t be happy single because I want to invest my time and love and energy into a relationship and a family, but that’s me 🤷‍♀️

I’m perfectly happy single. I wonder if he’s trying to reassure himself that some people have it worse than him.

It does seem to be the norm for most people to want to be in a relationship and many just can’t imagine being happy or fulfilled if they aren’t. I’ve been single for 11 years and I love it. Coming back to my own place which is decorated and kept exactly how I want it and pleasing myself when it comes to what i do, when I do it feels so liberating. I have great friends and a neighbour (male) who I know would like us to be together but respects that I don’t want anything more and we spend a lot of time together, go out for the day and support each other practically and emotionally. We can talk about anything and everything but I treasure my own space and don’t want a conventional relationship. I have a female friend who feels exactly the same and she often gets people trying to match her up with blokes and can’t understand that she’s perfectly happy as she is.

I agree with pp‘s about your friends motives here. Stick to your guns. If you are happy as you are then that’s a gift beyond value.

I have an old friend who keeps messaging me saying how sad he feels thinking about me and how sad/lonely it must be being single.

Well, he's not a friend, is he? He's a patronising twat, who would be getting blocked if it were me. I don't need people around that are sad and feel sorry for me for not being in a relationship. They generally lack imagination, I find.

Sounds like he's hitting on you