Just called Samaritans

[Fromheretothere21]

Hi

I am a single parents with an abisuve ex. My current relationship has fallen apart as he can’t be there the way I need to feels guilty and we are bickering all the time. He says he loves me but we are at difference phases of live.
We live separately and he works abroad so living together has not become and option. We had planned for this but work and future goals have shifted.

I can’t go on and feel like there is no hope left, getting out bed is exhausting but I work ft so have no choice.

I feel alone and the loss and grief I feel is like a bereavement - same as when I lost a parent.

I’m at the lowest I’ve been. I have no friends and no support. I want to disappear

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. Did the Samaritans help? Do you have a work colleague that you could turn to?

Stay on here and I am sure others will be along to offer some more support.

Sending hugs.

Thank you. No RL support. I was told I should speak to my GP which is pretty much impossible at the moment

Didn't want to read and run. I have felt that lonely too - no friends, no support, utter and overwhelming loss. I felt utterly, utterly devastated. I really understood the meaning of that word. Honestly, if I didn't have the kids I wouldn't have gone on. Four years on I feel somewhat better, though still have low times. But I have made an effort to get to know some people.

I put a conscious effort into seeking support from agencies and consciously trying to improve my thoughts and life. My life is very constrained but ' freedom within limitations' was my motto.

Its very, very hard and the battle and journey is far from over for me, but things are not as dark as they were. Look at the assets you have too. You have financial independence. That really is such a valuable thing and not to be dismissed.

Thank you. I’ve never felt this terrified of life and the impending loss of my relationship is overwhelming.
He wants to stay supportive but not in a relationship which practically is almost impossible due to the distance. My entire world is falling apart and I don’t want to go on.

My children are so badly behaved and don’t listen and I am scared of dealing with anything as I am not sure anything I do is the right thing.

I am so sad and spend all day in tears

My children are so badly behaved and don’t listen and I am scared of dealing with anything as I am not sure anything I do is the right thing

You can get help with this. I had two different family support workers at different times. I also got individual counselling for myself through the family service. Once you are in the system I found it surprising how much help there is.

You talked about wanting to disappear, I did, and still do sometimes.
I imagine being able to erase me from the memory of everyone who has even known me so that I can totally just disappear as if I had never been. Have periods of crying a lot at everything - hearing someone be kind to someone else on the radio or tv usually sets me off.

Its really hard, it often still is, but things can change slowly, and you can help to slowly feel better, and there is support. Try looking up family support services in your area maybe, there is a central 'gateway' number to access all services where I am. At the very least a family support worker is someone to talk to.

The pain is all consuming to the point it’s physical.

Is a family support worker through social services or a GP.

I see no way through this and it’s utterly utterly scary and I don’t care at the same time. I have nothing to look forward to

Hi Fromheretothere21,

We're sorry that you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters here, but we thought we'd also add a link to our Mental Health resources as there are many organisations listed which could give you some more support in real life.

You can also get help from a new text service called Shout 85258. Its trained volunteers are available all hours of the day and night to listen and support you to get to a calmer and safe place. Shout is a free, confidential, anonymous service for anyone in the UK and it won’t appear on your phone bill.

Here too is a link to Mind's website, and in particular their tips for everyday living which could help when you're feeling low.

One other organisation which could give you some practical support is Gingerbread - it's a charity which was set up to provide information to help single parents support themselves and their family. They also run local support groups so please take a look at their website.

We really hope things start to feel easier for you soon.

Sending good wishes

Thank you @DawnMumsnet

@Fromheretothere21

The pain is all consuming to the point it’s physical.

Is a family support worker through social services or a GP.

I see no way through this and it’s utterly utterly scary and I don’t care at the same time. I have nothing to look forward to

Yes, I understand pain like that. It is all consuming. You are right.

I can't remember if I first got support via my health visitor or GP - but once I was in the system I sort of was able to hop from one service to another! You could ask at the GP look up the council's website to see if they have a team you can access directly.

If you are interested in seeking help, and it looks like you are, you posted here and you are asking me about the support I got, then there is still a small part of you that does have some hope that things may not always feel so terrible. Hold onto that. Whilst acknowledging that it is ok to feel so bleak, things are awful just now, its okay to feel that. But you don't have to feel like that forever.

Thank you for your words. I have nobody else to speak to and the person who has been my entire world has drifted so far away from me that I feel totally adrift.

I can’t connect with them nor anyone I meet as I feel completely locked inside myself. I’m angry and sad and lost as feel guilty as I am being self indigent.

I’m under so much stress that I am always one edge.

Sorry this feels like it’s so boring to even write but I am bored of life and all the constant pain that comes with it. Just getting through each day is exhausting as there is no joy and I have no motivation to do anything.

A family support worker will be someone to talk to, mine visited weekly. It is a time limited service, but there are also charities who offer befriending services to families. The befrienders are volunteers so they offer someone to speak to on an ongoing basis. My counsellor referred me on when my time with her came to an end.

Being a single F-T working parent with kids, especially kids you are finding challenging, is a lot of stress. Added to that you are isolated and have a history of abuse. Its absolutely to be expected that you feel the way that you do. Anyone would. To be honest, its a credit to you have kept going this far. You sound so unhappy and I think at the stage you are at, its time to reach out for help. I know that's the decision I made. I just couldn't go on anymore, I don't have the words to describe how I felt and it was very, very isolating - looking back I think I was genuinely on the edge of a complete nervous breakdown.

You might want to consider seeing if you can get a counselling referral. A good counsellor can really help. Being honest, a lot of them are not so good, so if you do go down this route and don't find the counsellor you had helpful, don't be afraid to ask to be referred to another one. Just explain it hasn't worked out and you would like to see someone else. I did this. They seem to bump you up to their best people when you do this.

Why don't you think you can talk to your GP? If you mean the changed arrangements due to Covid, that hasn't stopped anyone getting an appointment. Some GPs are still relying more on over the phone appts, but even then you can say you need to see them face to face.

It's a shame you say that your boyfried was your world - surely it's your children who are you world? They are still there. They need you as much as ever. They love you. You are their world.

@Fromheretothere21 I’m sorry things are very difficult for you, keep talking here, keep ringing the Samaritans or other organisations, don’t stop reaching out, know that people care & want to help you. I’m thinking of you, go easy on yourself

@layladomino

Why don't you think you can talk to your GP? If you mean the changed arrangements due to Covid, that hasn't stopped anyone getting an appointment. Some GPs are still relying more on over the phone appts, but even then you can say you need to see them face to face.

It's a shame you say that your boyfried was your world - surely it's your children who are you world? They are still there. They need you as much as ever. They love you. You are their world.

It has stopped some getting appointments though! It’s really not that easy for some to get an appointment at their doctors, why can’t others get that? I can’t even get through to mine, there is an auto bit, then you select the number or reception then it just rings for a very long time & then it hangs up on you! Or it is engaged, for people who are struggling with their mental health, alone with no support finding the courage to speak to a doctor is in itself a major thing, I already struggle with feelings of being a burden, I worry about being rejected so to constantly call the doctors to get no where is devastating & just reaffirms it all for me. I keep seeing on here others not understanding why others can not speak to their GP, good for you if you can, it is just not the case for others, you shouldn’t shame people for not being able to access the services they so desperately need, like they aren’t even trying already?! Services vary from area to area, mental health services have been cut to the bone.

It's a shame you say that your boyfried was your world - surely it's your children who are you world? They are still there. They need you as much as ever. They love you. You are their world

No I understand what OP is saying, I think. I love my children but they are my responsibility. It is a one way relationship - it is my role to be their support and guide in life, but it is not their role to do that for me, and nor should it be.
And the loneliness comes from the desperate feeling of wanting there to be one person who is there for ME. Its normal and human to have a need for a supportive, caring adult in your life.

Thank you @watchwithinterest anf @crispsarny

That you understand that I am not saying my children aren’t my world means the world. I am not trying to disregard them at all. Needing support means I can support them better, that’s all part of it.

I can’t get through to my GP for this no, and even private service access is a lengthily process at this point.

Needing support means I can support them better, that’s all part of it

Absolutely this. And all organisations that support children understand this. They all know that parents need to be okay, need to feel they can cope to be able to parent. You can't parent as you need to when you have been pushed passed your limit of endurance by life. My family support workers were very keen to ensure that I was okay as well as the children. I got help from Banardoes too, and they were great as they had a whole suite of support, I got the counselling from them.

If you can't see your GP then see if you can go direct, look up the council website, speak to children's charities. I got support through Banardos. Speak to them, if you can't self-refer to them, ask them how you do get a referral to get support either from them or somewhere else. And keep asking around if you get no luck first time. The first person you speak to may not be giving you the correct answer, so keep asking. TBH, your GP may not know who to refer to either, so you may be better off going to direct to the council's children services or charities. Family support workers tend to work with families with children aged up to 16 I think, so there should be support for you, even if there is a wait.

Does your gp practice have an online appointment system at all?

Or maybe drop in a letter?

Do you want to join the no contact thread I have made ?
You are not alone in feeling like this.

Thank you for all your kind words I had to step away for a while to gather my thoughts.

I have a counselling session on Friday for PTSD from abuse which was after an assessment during which I completely broke down.

@Ilovetheseventies I am not ready for that but hopefully I will be soon. It’s pretty scary to feel so alone right now and I am finding the days very hard. Thank you.