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Original poster

Does anyone else feel flat after a date?

31 replies

Pingodingo · 02/09/2021 19:46

Met a man earlier for a first date walk. Initial impressions were good - he was attractive, looked like his photos, he’d made an effort with his clothes in a low key way.

But. Oh god. He was dull. Nice, well meaning I think, but boring. We covered species of fish - riverfish in particular - the different types of sails on boats, the numerous holidays he’d been on, his telescope and how it worked(…. very little emotional content to any of his anecdotes iyswim, just the actual facts. Honestly, why do some men find it impossible to converse??? He has a sister and some female friends.

I’ve done a lot of OLD and after a date like this I always feel worse and even lonelier than before. Why do I bother Confused.

OP posts:
chocolateorangeinhaler · 02/09/2021 20:02

Maybe he wasn't that into you. Hence the dull conversation.

Cheeseburgerqueen · 02/09/2021 20:04

This has happened to me too. I think the reality is that people can portray themselves very differently on OLD compared to what they are in real life.
That’s why I now think - it doesn’t mean anything until you actually meet them. Don’t even get excited for dates anymore 😂

furbabymama87 · 02/09/2021 20:12

When I was doing online dating I would only meet the ones I had spoken to for a few weeks and had a laugh with and felt like I'd got to know a bit. Otherwise more often than not you're wasting your time.

allyouneedisconnection · 02/09/2021 20:13

I've just had an OLD chat over the phone with a guy. I think he was drunk 🤦🏼‍♀️ I've also had the awkward walks too. I just think - what a waste of make up that was lol.

Walkingalot · 02/09/2021 20:29

We've all been there Pingo. Come over to The Dating Thread.
Had you had much communication before the date and if so, did that go well, positive vibes?

SimoneSimone · 02/09/2021 21:55

It takes two to converse, maybe he was filling the gaps with facts and such like because you weren't offering much either.

AttaGirrrrl · 02/09/2021 22:15

@furbabymama87

When I was doing online dating I would only meet the ones I had spoken to for a few weeks and had a laugh with and felt like I'd got to know a bit. Otherwise more often than not you're wasting your time.
I do the opposite! Meet them quickly so that you don’t build up a sense of who you think they are before you meet the real person.

I still pine for the witty, sexy, attentive Scot I thought I was meeting… who did not meet expectations!

Autumnwithanaga · 02/09/2021 22:20

It's OLD making you feel like this I think because if you'd been able to meet in real life and set up a date you'd already know there was a spark. Or, you'd have got to know them over time eg at work and found them attractive gradually iyswim. I think OLD is a real struggle for this reason.

HappyPinkCat · 02/09/2021 22:52

riverfish in particular Grin

CrimeJunkie01 · 02/09/2021 22:55

I had my first OLD walk date this week. Nice guy, chatty. Totally didn't fancy him. Came home feeling like shit and really anxious.

LV2NY · 02/09/2021 23:27

Reminds me of an episode of The Undateables 😂

altmember · 02/09/2021 23:37

What did you want to talk about? Presume you tried changing the subject, but he just kept going back to those things you mentioned?

Maybe he's a dullard (most likely), but maybe he was nervous and struggled to find other things to talk about? I know I find it difficult to make idle chit chat with strangers, although even I wouldn't consider talking about river fish on a date!

Original poster
Pingodingo · 02/09/2021 23:58

Thanks everyone. Good to hear the different responses and the Grin at riverfish… not that I minded talking about fish so much, I like it when people know stuff about subjects (even riverfish) but there was just a lot of trying to tell me things without much consideration about whether I was likely to be interested in it or not. I do find that men of a certain age I.e 50s can be prone to this type of conversation and it’s just tedious (to me anyway).

Maybe it was just a lack of emotional connection.

He also liked puns, which should’ve warned me off there and then Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Pingodingo · 03/09/2021 00:03

Sorry to hear Crimejunkie.

OLD is hard going, for most of us. It’s good you knew you didn’t fancy him though, rather than trying to shoehorn yourself into a situation that wouldn’t suit you. Well done for going on the date.

OP posts:
DazzlingHaze · 03/09/2021 00:10

I felt like this. I would come home feeling like I was never going to meet someone it just worked with. Someone normal that I liked without having to force it. It was a really deflating feeling, almost worse than when I was the one getting turned down. I remember walking into my flat and feeling so lonely and sad that I'd got all dolled up only to end up coming home alone and disappointed.

Keep going OP, the next man you go out with might be the one that makes you feel all fizzy and excited! It's easier said than done but keep your chin up and try not to let OLD grind you down.

RantyAunty · 03/09/2021 00:20

You mentioned 50s age group.
I'm in same bracket and most men truly are boring and dull.

I worry for the young women trying to date with so many young men glued to their screen and their only interests are gaming and porn.

Seems like a complete waste of time.

Think about what your interests are the the type of lifestyle you live and seek out someone similar. I would always video chat with them a few times before meeting too.

ilovecakesandchocolate · 04/09/2021 14:06

I felt like this last week. All the anticipation of the date and thinking I was going to meet someone I might have a spark with.

I felt so flat when I got home. I don't think I can face online dating again for a while now.

Sakurami · 04/09/2021 14:18

I got to know them and chat to them before meeting them. Meant I never had a bad date even if there was no spark.

PermanentTemporary · 04/09/2021 14:22

It sure can happen, yes. Though after dates like that I'd really luxuriate in being alone at home and not having to listen to any more info about riverfish etc.

ZaZathecat · 04/09/2021 14:28

I don't have any OLD experience, but have noticed that some people, more often men, feel they have to be telling you stuff all the time, and forget to take an interest in you as a person, or ask or listen to your opinion about anything. I know one man who is exactly like this and he can't understand why women are not interested.

JustAnother0ldMan · 04/09/2021 17:24
  • You mentioned 50s age group. I'm in same bracket and most men truly are boring and dull.*

I have been finding the same with women in their 50’s, just seem to have no conversation or interests outside of their children and how awful their ex husbands were,
It’s like they have been institutionalised by 20 odd years of marriage!

LargeBouquet · 04/09/2021 17:26

Of course you're feel flat after a date with Mr Dullard, OP. NAMALT, though.

Polkadots2021 · 04/09/2021 18:12

@Pingodingo

Met a man earlier for a first date walk. Initial impressions were good - he was attractive, looked like his photos, he’d made an effort with his clothes in a low key way.

But. Oh god. He was dull. Nice, well meaning I think, but boring. We covered species of fish - riverfish in particular - the different types of sails on boats, the numerous holidays he’d been on, his telescope and how it worked(…. very little emotional content to any of his anecdotes iyswim, just the actual facts. Honestly, why do some men find it impossible to converse??? He has a sister and some female friends.

I’ve done a lot of OLD and after a date like this I always feel worse and even lonelier than before. Why do I bother Confused.

Have another date but go out drinking/something more exciting. You never know!
ilovecakesandchocolate · 04/09/2021 19:20

I think sometimes if the spark isn't there on the first date it will never be there.

LargeBouquet · 04/09/2021 19:34

@ilovecakesandchocolate

I think sometimes if the spark isn't there on the first date it will never be there.
If he thinks that telling you how his telescope works, and enumerating types of river fish, are interesting first date conversation topics, I don't think he can be salvaged.