(name changed and posting here for traffic....hope that's ok....)
My 18 year old DS2 has just told me (sensitively) that he is going to now be living with his dad (my exhausted) & DS1 instead of 50/50 which he has done for 10 years.
I feel like my world is ending. I haven't been able to stop crying since he told me last week. I feel like I gave up my whole life to bring up him and DS1, gave up my career & have been a SAHM (please don't judge me for that). It isn't that I feel they 'owe' me for that, I just don't know what I am now. I have always only been a Mum, and I feel that is now ending. I don't know what will become of me, and I don't want to reinvent myself. I do have lots of friends/interests/hobbies, but I just can't stop feeling like I want my babies back. I know they aren't babies...
I just feel bereft. I don't know if it is empty nest syndrome, or feeling like a failure as a mum as he is 'choosing' his dad.
His dad has been a Disney dad since our divorce, having been hardly involved prior, due to long working hours, and this was his 'plan' and I've always tried to not involve DS1&2 in his manipulating, because I just want them to be happy.
If this makes DS happy, then I should be happy, and I want his life to be easier, and firm in one place, but it just hurts so much. More than I thought possible.
I miss the times when they were little so so so much. I miss the games, and snuggles on the sofa and being needed & wanted.
I feel like I just can't get past this, it is like my worst case scenario and I don't know how to deal with it.